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Excluding sister from bridal party

Anie, on June 5, 2022 at 10:42 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
So one of my 3 sisters has been really horrible, and super jealous ALL her life of others getting married, and she was disruptive, selfish and ruined my other two sisters' weddings. Now I'm soon tying the knot and after her demonstrated jealousy, drama, and pain she's caused my other sisters I'm not willing to include her in my BP. But I dk how to let her down. And no, I'm not making her an honorary BM or giving her any other position. Thoughts on breaking the news to her?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on June 7, 2022 at 5:52 PM
  • Jasmine S.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    You don't have to break the news at all. I think making a whole announcement, just to tell her she's not in the bridal party, will only make her mad and lead to more drama. If your wedding is a long time from now, you should wait until like 6 months out before asking people. That way you can deflect and change the subject if she happens to complain to you.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    I wouldn’t even invite her to the wedding, not with her ruining things for your sisters days as well. Just don’t say anything either way.
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  • Traci
    Devoted May 2025
    Traci ·
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    That's a hard one..... just say hey sis, sit this one out and enjoy yourself, get ready to dance.
    Or something along those line's.
    I hope all goes well.
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  • A
    Anie ·
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    If I could I would! But the ripples it will cause in the whole family won't be worth it
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  • A
    Anie ·
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    Yeah, thanks. I dk exactly how to do it. I thought of giving her a memento of us or something when I break the news just to abate the desire to cry or cause drama
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  • A
    Anie ·
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    She'll assume she is one and ask long before then
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  • Jasmine S.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Then tell her "I'm sorry but I feel it's best if you not be a bridesmaid," then change the subject. You need to stand your ground and not let her walk all over you. Cut off communication until after the wedding if needed -- don't go out to lunch with her, invite her to your birthday, anything like that.
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  • Sloane
    Rockstar May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    Honestly, I wouldn’t say a thing. You don’t owe her an explanation. Just carry on with your plans.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    I see. I’m more the type to just cut them off (and I know not everyone can so I respect your position and sympathize with you) if they are being that big of a dingbat and to heck with what the family thinks. They should know her antics since she already made a mess of TWO weddings. Some people you just can’t take or invite anywhere and that’s no one’s fault but theirs. Everyone likes to say “BuT tHeYrE fAmILy” as if this absolves them of any wrongdoing. It needs to be more normalized to cut off toxic family members. Those who don’t like it can go complain to their local bathroom mirror.
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  • Sarah
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    Sounds just like my sister … I asked her to be my bridesmaids in the beginning then I took it back because all she did was talk bad about me and my fiancé the whole time !! I’m getting married in September and I feel so happy that she isn’t in my wedding ! Drama free 🤗
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  • Sloane
    Rockstar May 2022
    Sloane ·
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    I’m with you! I cut people off like that at the quick! I know that some people understand action more than words so sometimes the best conversation is not one at all. But I do respect like you that everyone is not wired that way. I like the PP advice about sitting this one out and focus on fun. I also like the idea of not havjng a bridal party which eliminates all of this drama. Bit I do understand the need to include critical family members and the idea of bridesmaids can be fun and add to the splendor of your day.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Could you phrase it in a way that makes it seem that you’re doing her a favor? “You didn’t seem to enjoy x, y, or z when you were a bridesmaid in sisters’ weddings, so I thought you’d have more fun as a guest!”
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  • Sagan
    Super July 2017
    Sagan ·
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    I am the second of four girls and had a dangerously similar situation. There was a scene when she found out she wasn’t a BM (it’s still insanity to me that she expected to be at all), there was a scene at Christmas when then FH and I bought Disney on ice tickets for our nieces, there was a scene at the rehearsal when my FSIL did a reading, and then AT my reception, she got hammered and I believe brought/did cocaine, tried to fight one of my BM, called me a self righteous b—- and a c-word, it was a whole freaking thing. Neither of my little sisters invited her to their weddings.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    I don’t understand why you have to say anything. Assuming that she is invited as a guest, she will find out when she receives the invitation, because you don’t create a situation for her to have a tantrum. If she does have a negative reaction, it only reflects badly on her. You are also not obligated to invite her as a guest or interact at all if she is that negative and toxic.
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