Excluded child

Just let her know you won’t be able to make either event and you hope she has a great time. Even if you had told her before, you still should have sent the RSVP card in. No one has to invite kids that doesn’t want to whether they’re family or not. It wasn’t proper etiquette to invite your daughter to the shower and not the wedding or to invite one of your children but not the other but those things are on her.

RSVP no and move on with your life

Just RSVP no to both events. You are right that whoever is invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding as well, but you can't make the event anyways, so just tell her neither of you will be there.

You also should have returned the RSVP card even though you had already told her you wouldn't make it.

I would just let her know you unfortunately can’t make it and hope she has a wonderful time. It may not have been handled the best way by them and by not returning the card but it’s done now.

I would have sent back the RSVP card, even if you told her you couldn't go. I think if you're having an adults only wedding, which is totally fine, inviting under 18 year old guests to the bridal shower isn't rude. The parents would bring a gift anyway, most likely not the 13 year old and it's a fun way to include family in another way. But I do understand the holiday weekend, not a fan of those weddings!

Don't make this a bigger deal than it needs to be . Send the rsvp and decline the shower.

I am an outlier on the issue of not inviting all children to the wedding. As a parent of two, I think it's perfectly fine to invite some kids to an event and not all. Some parents even expect all their children to be invited to a birthday party to which one of their children is invited. All children need to learn that they will not necessarily be included in all social events that their parents and older siblings attend. They will be included when they are older.

I think that you’re being overly petty.. I agree with PP. Decline invite and move on. It’s rude not to send back an invite regardless if you’re going or not.

If you didn't return the RSVP card, then of course she had to reach out to you (both for the wedding and the shower). I don't think there are many on this forum that wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have done that arbitrary age limit thing and invited one child and not another in the same family. I would either invite all children or invite no children. Everyone has different issues with venue size, budget, trying to please both sides of the family, and there could be some dynamics that you may not understand. Regardless, it's the choice of the couple getting married who to invite and it's the choice of the invited guest how they want to RSVP. RSVP no and move on.

I would still RSVP. That is a weird age limit though. 13 year olds are old enough to sit still and not scream and cry during a ceremony. I would be a tad sad if I was your daughter after being told she could come. Perhaps things got too expensive and she couldn't justify spending money on younger folks? Idk. I am not having little children at my wedding but I am just simply addressing the invites to everyone invited instead. Also, bridal shower is typically just for invited guests. Maybe she wanted her to be a part of it somehow? Idk. Although you are probably upset, maybe she has somewhat of a good reason? No idea.

She can't be expected to remember what every guest told her about their availability, thats what the RSVP is for. She had to call to know your answer because you didn't send the RSVP back. Send a decline for all events and call it a day. It's that simple.

View Quoted Comment THIS THIS THIS!!! Yes, haven’t agreed to anything more in my life.

You might not like the way your niece is handling things, but you should still RSVP to all invited events. She is having to follow up with you because you're not responding to the invitations. I get that you're upset about your daughter being excluded but it sounds like you wouldn't be going to either the shower or the wedding anyway due to your work schedule, so just decline both invitations, wish the couple well, and move on.

Send back the rsvp no for both events

You should still RSVP to both the wedding and the shower. It’s her wedding and her decision on who to invite. I’ve been to weddings where no one under 21 is invited, and weddings where you don’t get a plus one unless you’re married or living with your SO. Every couple should get the wedding they want, it’s not about you.