Ex wife invited

Nope, not petty. I wouldn't want an ex gf much less an ex wife at my wedding. No advice here just commiseration.

The only coping I would say is that in our 140 person wedding I only saw a bunch of people because they came over to say goodbye. We made rounds to each table but still missed people. So she'll hopefully just blend into the crowd.

I wouldn't be coping with her being there. Your FH should own this one and let her know that she can't be accommodated if you aren't comfortable with her being there.

No. Daughter yes, ex no. And it's not petty. He needs to deal with this, not you. It is monumentally rude and disrespectful of you to invite. her unless you have some kind of relationship with her.

I think the fact that he invited her without discussing it with you first is a huge red flag. It's wildly inconsiderate. Whether they have an amicable relationship or not, he needs to respect your boundaries.

Oh hell no.....

Noooooopeee! FH needs to handle this. If you're not comfortable with it, which you aren't, FH needs to be respectful of you. I think that is disrespectful of him to invite his ex wife.

Yeah, I'm not liking this at all. If I were in your shoes, I would be livid. Unfortunately you can't uninvite her, but you really need to have a conversation with your FH.

Catch up??? at YOUR WEDDING??!! heck no. Sure, she's free to come to the same city but that doesn't mean she needs to be at the wedding.

I find it not only disrespectful but also very odd.

Hell naw! He should've discussed this with you. Not OK.

Umm... In this case, and ONLY in this case, yes; he needs to fix it. An ex-wife? No. It's not appropriate. This isn't just a friend that he extended the invite to and now needs to retract.

They can "catch up" at Starbucks the next day. That's not what weddings are for. FH fucked up royally, you're not being petty.

Am I the only one that finds it weird that the ex-wife is flying from out of state to attend her ex's wedding as a way to "catch up" with her daughter anyways? That doesn't seem legit to me at all. How is that logical? Is she THAT out of touch with her daughter?

Edit: damnit autocorrect

It sounds like daughter and mother don't have any issues communicating other ways since daughter was able to inform mother of the invitation. Maybe they should try "catching up" over the phone. Or SOMETHING else. "Catching up" is a stupid excuse and your wedding is not the appropriate venue or setting for that.

This is the day he is committing his life to YOU. She shouldn't even be a thought.

I agree that you're not being petty. Exes should not be invited to the wedding. HOWEVER, I'm going to disagree with some of the advice you've been given. While exes should not be invited, this ex was invited through the daughter already. Uninviting her will likely cause a ton of drama and conflict between father and daughter and the daughter will likely blame you, even if your FH takes the blame. Do you know for a fact that the ex is planning to come to the wedding? Maybe she's going to decline the invite and just wants to be in town. I can't imagine accepting an invite from your ex to watch him get married again.

WOW. He really should have run that by you first. Maybe she will decline?

If I'm understanding this correctly, your future stepdaughter and step grandkids are flying in from out of state. Her mother lives in another state and is flying in too in order to spend time with her grandkids. If she has to fly to see her grandkids why wouldn't she fly to her daughter's location to spend time with her? This doesn't even make any sense and your feelings about it are completely valid. Tell him no and to fix it.

I couldn't possibly allow/deal with that! And the kids are adults so they can get together another day to catch up. Not catch up at your wedding. The day is about you and you should be as comfortable and happy as possible. I'm sure if you explain your feelings to your fh he will understand and take care of it. He can blame it on your families thinking it's weird so you don't have to feel bad. If he doesn't "get it", show him this thread so he will see that no bride is okay with it!

This is an instance where it is acceptable to UNINVITE! Your wedding isn't until July so I assume you haven't sent invitations. As others have said FH needs to have the conversation with his daughter. I am sure she will understand.

The only way this would make sense to me is if she is going to be helping watch her grandchildren during the wedding so the daughter and you or your FH won't have to.

But he probably should have run that by you before that decision. I hope he's open to at least discussing his reasoning after the fact.

Nope nope nope nope nope. Exes should never be invited.

I'll be honest, I've always had a fantasy of inviting my exes juts to rub it in their face that even though they broke my heart I still managed to find happiness... but that's just a fantasy that I would never actually do because exes should NEVER be invited.

My fantasy is petty.

You being upset that your FHs ex wife is attending your wedding is NOT.

FH needs to uninvite her. and if he resists it there should be some very serious conversation about why.

My concern is only that your FH didn't talk it over with you. As for 'being the only Mrs. K there' I think you're digging for reasons to be upset, with that. After all, his mom would still be invited, right? And his paternal grandmother, even they were both Mrs. K's?