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Fwbride
Super July 2024

Ex-bridesmaid vent... again (very long post)...sorryy

Fwbride, on July 5, 2019 at 9:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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I’ve posted about this bridesmaid (now ex-bridesmaid) a few times on here and I hate to be repetitive, but this is the only place I can vent while all my friends are out enjoying their 4th of July weekend.

Quick back story:
I had a friend from when I lived in Georgia; let’s call her Sarah. Sarah was a great support system when I was with my ex fiancé, who I moved to a different state for and left my friends and family. She became my only friend there about 2 months before I decided to move back home for a better job opportunity. Long story short, ex-fiancé started selling drugs and smoking pot heavily after agreeing to not do it once we were engaged, so I broke off engagement and we went back to just bf and gf. Then, he cheated on me with my best friend back home and that’s when I ended it. Sarah, was the only other friend I had and she kinda helped me through that time. Once i got over my ex and started focusing on my well being and career, she started school (she’s younger than me) and we both got pretty busy. We stopped talking as often and the close friendship we had started building turned more into distant friends.

A year later I got engaged to FH and Sarah reached out to congratulate me and we started talking maybe twice a month. And out of the blue she tells me that she better be a bridesmaid. I didn’t really want to ask her because she wasn’t my nearest and dearest and she lived so far away and was barely getting by so I didn’t think she’d be able to get a flight for the wedding. I decided to try and improve our friendship by inviting her on this short family vacation to Florida (first one with my blood brother I reconnected with). I paid for her ticket and bought her some swimsuits and made her a bridesmaid box to give to her there. I confirmed with her three times before buying the non refundable ticket. A week out she says she can’t go because she needs to work for those three days for money because she splurged on a $300 wig and now couldn’t pay for her car to get serviced... I was upset but I let it go.

So I mail her bridesmaid proposal and she says yes and is very excited. I bought her dress and jewelry and offered to pay for her gas if she drove to the wedding, but she laughed and said she’d fly. Time goes by and we still only talk a couple times a month which is how much I talk to my other bridesmaids. I text Sarah one day to see how she is and she goes off on me for not reaching out. I tell her that as an adult with a full blown career, wedding to plan, house to renovate, and everyday life to live I don’t have time to talk to her everyday. We argue about this for about 2 days, she drops out of the wedding and I tell her I can’t give her what she needs in a friendship (constant communication) and we end things.

Before all this went down, I was going to ask another girl to be a BM that I had recently gotten close to who is the now fiancé of my FH’s groomsman. It so happened the dress I had for Sarah was her size so I gave it to her. A few months later Sarah reaches out and wants back in the wedding party (made a post asking for some advice on the matter and got ripped a new one) I eventually tell her that I don’t have a dress for her and I still can’t give her what she needs in a friendship. She doesn’t respond...

Today I get a call from her and I’m just really over it and I don’t want to be a jerk but I don’t know what else I can say or do.... vent over. thanks to anyone who read this whole thing 🤦🏾‍♀️

7 Comments

  • Heather
    Expert October 2019
    Heather ·
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    If she asks again, just tell her sorry, but seen as how she backed out, you’ve replaced her and no longer need another bridesmaid. Be very blunt. Clearly the gentle approach isn’t getting through to her.
    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Maybe invite her to the wedding as an alternative and then you will see how committed to the friendship she actually is.
    • Reply
  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    I’m 2 weeks out and my guest list is full and already have final numbers in. I don’t need to know how committed she is I just need her to lay off trying to be in my wedding. Thanks for the advice though!
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Rockstar August 2020
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    Just be blunt and tell her thank you but no thanks... she had her chance and she gave it away so not gong back...
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    You've bent over backwards for this girl! She clearly doesn't appreciate that, but you did what you could. Be firm and let her know you tried to be accommodating. Don't cave and let don't let her back in the bridal party! Wishing you the best of luck

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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
    • Flag
    Just block her don’t understand why you are letting this bother you seems silly to me that your giving this so much thought if you admit your not close to her anymore. Why stress over someone who isn’t a factor in your new life you have outgrown your old friend happens all the time.
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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    Because I’m not heartless and I care about other people. But I do care about myself too and so it’s a constant struggle of wanting to make others happy, but also keeping myself sane. I don’t want to block her, because if she ever reaches out and actually needs me for something serious I want to be there for her. Just cause she chose to walk away from our friendship doesn’t mean I stopped caring about her or praying for her well being.
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