Ever ended a friendship with a bride? Rant

Us bridesmaids had to hold her hand through this entire process. We are basically her unpaid wedding planners. We coordinated everything for her ex: telling her how to make appointments, what to ask her vendors, making her wedding day timeline. I understand that some people just can’t handle the wedding planning process. But this is extreme. Not to mention that all of the bridesmaids feel this way and we all hate her future husband who she has gone into $30k debt for. His older car needed new tires. Their solution? Buy a brand new car! He is her first boyfriend, lover, you name it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I don’t even know her. I want to support her so bad but I hate being so angry every time I hang out with her. My FH told me yesterday that the amount of stress I am carrying around from this wedding is starting to affect our relationship because I am so angry and tired all the time. I am going to stick it out until the wedding but after I just don’t know…

Have any of you dealt with a nightmare bride and then ended the friendship after the wedding? Do I give her the benefit of the doubt that she is just under so much stress that her personality is completely wacked?

It sounds as though her wedding is almost here. Since you've stuck it out this long and already spent a lot of money, ride it out. If you quit at this late date, there is no chance of the two of you being friends after the wedding.

If she was not like this before planning the wedding, maybe it IS just stress -- and she'll return to normal after the wedding and the two of you can still be friends.

I've been in a lot of weddings, but have really only dealt with one pain in the ass bride. My solution was that I distanced myself from her until after the wedding. Especially the last two months - she was a nightmare to be around. A lot of us were pretty disgusted with her behavior at her bachelorette, but no one called her out on it because we didn't want to ruin it for her. Looking back, we were really just enabling her behavior and sense of entitlement. After the wedding she calmed down a bit and went back to her normal self. If she doesn't return to normal after the wedding, then I would probably re-evaluate the friendship.

Hopefully once you have finished with all of the wedding craziness involved with your friend, you can get past it and go back to how things were. I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. If it is bothering you a lot, talk to her about things now or once the wedding is over. Give her an opportunity to be your friend again. You were obviously close before if she asked you to stand by her side on her big day

I personally would stick it out, she may be really stressed. I know that i was. she may realize after the fact that her requests were unreasonable, but if you drop out now i would say that your friendship would be done forever.

Thought your name was ally too....

But to be stressed/crazy for 7 months straight?! Snide remarks and comments all the time. It's exhausting. I am getting married next October and went dress shopping a couple weeks ago and didn't ask her to attend because I knew she would be busy with her wedding being a month away. She threw a fit that I didn't ask her to go cuz she really wanted to be there. So I invited her and later that evening we were making some food for her bridal shower (she wanted to help plan it and wouldn't take no for an answer) and I was telling the other bridesmaids how my dress shopping experience was and she was just like "we can talk about your wedding in 32 days. The day after mine its all yours but until then lets focus on me".

My middle name is Alison. My stepsister's name is also Anna so I've always gone by Ally. Plus I got weird responses that I had a dino pic and my name was Ally so I changed it.

I ended a 15 year friendship after a former friend of mine got married. She wanted us to spend extravagant amounts of money on a dress. Wanted us to take off tons of time from work for her parties, and the wedding party, never mind guests, didn't even receive a Thank You afterwards.

She also dictated how long and what colour our hair was to be. How much we could drink at parties, and she wanted to proof my MOH speech to make sure I didn't say anything incriminating (I have way more class than that).

She also didn't feel the need to contact us after her wedding since we had served our purpose. When I tried to discuss anything non-wedding related, it was brushed off.

If you think that you are better off without her, then end the friendship. If you feel you can salvage something, then try and talk to her and hope that she is receptive.

Anna - I pulled out of a friend's wedding due to similar behavior. I was MOH and our friendship had been strained, at least on my end. My friend would call, talk all about herself and the wedding - which was fine, at first. But, when I would try to provide input or options she would insult my ideas stating "eww. i'm going to have a classy wedding" implying that my recommendations were tacky.

Of course, there were big issues that had occured prior. Such as: Me flying to visit her in another city for her MBA graduation, us going out to celebrate, her getting drunk and leaving me at a bar with a guy friend of hers that I have never met while she went to go hook up with a guy. Her guy friend and I went to another bar since his friends were there. After a half hour or so she calls all chipper asking where we were at and I told her. She met us all smiles and we came down hard on her because her behavior was not right for her well-being or considerate to me as a friend. Then the waterworks started and her story changed. She called her mother stating that she was attacked and got her in a panic (understandably). We went back to her apartment where she started crying/screaming to her mom and I finally yelled at her to tell the truth. It wasn't fair to her mom to be worried that her daughter was attacked over a lie. So, after that and the snippy comments I had already had enough. But, it was a friendship ending decision. I have only spoken to her once or twice since then - but only to make peace. There is no salvaging the friendship.

It feels good to get this vent out. Wow - it has been 10 years since all of this happened. It was a hard decision to make, but it was time to move on. Sorry you are going through this, it is a tough set of circumstances.

I think that if you feel like you can sit down and talk to her without directly telling/ yelling at her that she is being a B--tch then i would do it, 32 days out would be fine- 7 days out would have crushed me if some one told me i was acting that way, although anyone saying that i would feel really bad. I would just be prepared to tread lightly and possibly be asked to not be in the wedding anymore.

its really up to you and how important the friendship is to you, i suppose that is something you need to evaluate for yourself.

Honestly? I'd back out and cut your losses. That's no friend. She's being a slave driver and demanding.

I'm lucky to never have been in a situation like this, but DH's cousin apparently was like that to her BMs. Her twin sister, who was her MOH, still complains about her to this day (4 months later). I'm sorry you're going through all this, it sounds horrible. Since the wedding seems to be in a month from now, I guess all you can do now is get through it and take a weekend to yourself when it's over, to unwind from all this madness.

These are all great ideas thank you! I haven't been as direct as I should have been with her. I never outright told her she was being a bitch or a bridezilla. I was more like, "You know perhaps these are your options for your money woes." Or "hey I think you really upset the other bridesmaid by the way you're acting." I did tell her after she complained about leaving the bar early how her bachelorette party was ruined. I kinda snapped and said that we worked really hard on it and that she should be happy that she got TWO parties. She didn't talk to me for a few days after that but is now all chipper and back to her crazy wedding self.

I am going to wait it out until the wedding. Then go home and keep my space from her for awhile and see what happens. As for our wedding, I have asked her to be one of my MOH. I had it all planned out with a little gift and card and everything to ask each of my girls when the time was right. At the time we hadn't even booked our venue and we were undecided if we just wanted to go away to get married by ourselves. So a month after we got engaged she kept bugging about when I would ask her. Obviously she was concerned I was only going to ask my sister to be my MOH and for her to just be a bridesmaid. I kept telling her we weren't asking anyone until after we decided where we were having the wedding. She kept bugging me at the movies one night so I just flat out said, Will you be my MOH? Of course she freaked and was so happy. Then she's like I honestly thought you were going to ask your sister. And I was like, "Well I am. I would like both of you to do it. You're both really important to me and I can't imagine picking between the two of you." She was visibly a little upset but I really didn't care. I never gave her the gift I made. She then blabbed all over facebook that I asked her even though I told her I hadn't asked all the girls yet. So my sister was upset. It was awful. I should have seen this coming.

I think you are making a good decision to ride it out and be a part of her wedding and then keeping some space until she cools off. See how things are after all the craziness.

As for having her in your wedding party... be careful. If things don't cool off after her wedding is over then kick her out. You don't need a toxic person like that around you when you are wedding planning.

Yeah; as previously mentioned.. wait out the rest of her wedding and see how she is once it's all over. if she's still not back to the friend that you remember, boot her from your bridal party. She sounds like someone who may make your wedding planning a nightmare.

Wow, this girl is a piece of work. Unfortunately, I agree with the other posters that you should ride this one out since you're down to one month. Directly after her wedding I would tell her how you feel and get her out of your bridal party. The big question is, do you want to preserve this friendship? If so, you have to do it by being honest but you might have to forgive some of her bullshit too.

We've been friends for 8 years. She is my closet friend and I've always been scared of losing her because I don't have a lot of female friends. But like that random quote on the internet says, "Don't let your happiness depend on something you might lose."

Thanks for all the support guys. I really needed to vent and frankly I'm pretty sure my FH is going to go mad if I continue to vent about this situation to him lol.

Anna, this sounds terrible. I'm so sorry. I would definitely suggest to stick out the wedding as some people do get crazy, especially this close to the actual date. After the wedding, I would try to distance myself for a few weeks/months whatever you need. If you find yourself wanting to reach out and talk/see her then this isn't worth ending a friendship over, but if you enjoy the time away from her it sounds like she is adding unnecessary stress in your life and you may need to weigh the pros and cons of her as a friend.

Yeah, I've got a story on this, too. I don't have time to type it all out before I have to leave for class, though. It was the beginning of the end for us, though not the final nail in the coffin. We still talk a bit here and there because of her kids. I actually have to see them (her and her DH - who used to be like a brother to me. I actually knew him before he got with her.) next month for their daughter's bday. It's a really tough situation and I hate it. It will be easier when we relocate.