Etiquette

You should never ask someone to pay for any parties you have prior to the wedding. If someone offers to host these events that's one thing, but if they don't then you won't have one. I'm not sure I understand the purpose the mini-registry you are reviewing to. As for gifts, you should give them something each likes.

If your MOH doesn't offer to host or help with the luncheon, then I wouldn't bring up her contributing at all. For the mini-registry, I don't know what you're referring to. The bride typically takes care of her accessories the day of the wedding, unless someone offers to gift an item. Even then, I would find it to be rude to dictate what those gifts would look like. As far as gifts for your bridesmaids, I would shop for them like it's their birthday. You don't need to gift them all the same thing, but the cost should be about the same. For example, one of my bridesmaids has a favorite wine that is going to be out of production soon, so I'm getting her a bottle of that as a thank you, along with a nice note and probably one other smaller item I know she'd love. Individualized gifts will be so much more appreciated than a blanket gift for everyone. I will say, I have never worn any jewelry I've been given after the wedding day and I just got rid of a robe because I have too many.

1 - well I asked my maid of honor by giving her a proposal box but that's just something extra that I did. We did go out for brunch and I think I may have paid for her but that was because of something she helped me out with earlier but we probably just paid our own bill. Something cute I saw is you can invite them to Starbucks and have the Barista write on the cup will you be my maid of honor or bridesmaid and then it's just cost of coffee. Also you don't have to do anything extra I've literally just been asked while doing a crossfit workout with a friend of mine hahaha.
2- I've never heard of a mini registry. I've only heard of a registry if you need some items for the house or maybe like a honeymoon registry. If you're talking about Something Old Something New Etc I feel like that should be on you and not the bridal party.
3- I would say get them some things that they would like. JJs house usually has sales and the items come within about a couple of weeks. I got a few little random trinkets of things I thought that she would like such as I can makeup bag, a little pearl bracelet with her charm with her name on it and I know as another gift I plan on getting her an engraved mason jar and put some mixers and liquor in there. It's something I saw on Pinterest called mini bar in a jar. You can also do things such as a tote bag, some body spray from Bath and Body Works or things like that. I will say anytime of bride has wanted me to wear specific jewelry for the wedding day they also kind of give that before the ceremony.

You shouldn’t. If they want to throw you parties, they will offer.

If someone offers to host a shower for you, you should definitely have a registry, but I’ve never heard of the bride asking people to buy her wedding accessories.

Shop for them like you would for their birthday or Christmas. Nothing with “bridesmaid” or “maid of honor” on it. I personally prefer individualized gifts instead of the same generic gift for everyone.

Personally, I don’t think you can ask your matron of honor to pay for things like that.

I agree with Nicole, day of accessories and items are the brides responsibility.

I am getting my maid of honor a necklace, sunglasses (wedding is somewhere sunny and warm) and some local Spa items.

Proper etiquette dictates you never request for others to host or fund any wedding functions for you (ie, shower, bachelorette, luncheon, etc). If you want to have an event, you should plan to pay for it yourself, unless someone offers to host/fund something for you.
As far as registries go, it is customary to have one for your wedding, and some people have them for showers.
The best gifts I have received as a bridesmaid and MOH were the ones that were personalized to each of our personalities, as opposed to the same generic gift for all of us. I will be giving very personalized gifts to each person standing with me. I think it really shows that you put a lot of thought into the gift, and that you really know & value them.

View Quoted Comment I second all of this

Seems you updated your post.

have a few questions -

Do I mention I want something new, something blue, etc, to my bridesmaids? Or Do I not mention that and if it happens, it happens? No. That's your responsibility. At best you can borrow something from a friend.

Are you having a group text with everyone to communicate or are you, the bride, being left out of one? Let your MOH initiate it for our wedding events. You can have one for dress fittings or things like that.

Also - without breaking the bank, I want to give out good "Wedding Day" gifts to my bridesmaids. What are your guys favorites or what did you love getting when you were a Bridesmaid? JJs House and Etsy. Think of their likes.

"Do I mention I want something new, something blue, etc, to my bridesmaids? Or Do I not mention that and if it happens, it happens?"

You are responsible for getting those things yourself. I've never heard of the bridal party getting the bride the something new/borrowed/blue.

"Are you having a group text with everyone to communicate or are you, the bride, being left out of one?"

I had a group FB chat that I used like 4 times to coordinate a few things like bridesmaids dresses. Otherwise, there was very little I needed to discuss with them, especially in a group. My Maid of Honor had asked if I could send an email to everyone so she had their contact info, so I did that. I have no idea about how much they communicated. I'm assuming a little because they did throw me a surprise bachelorette and bridal shower.

"Also - without breaking the bank, I want to give out good "Wedding Day" gifts to my bridesmaids. What are your guys favorites or what did you love getting when you were a bridesmaid?"

As others have said, shop for them like it's their birthday. These gifts will be more meaningful and useful than things like tumblers or robes that say bridesmaid. They do not all need to have the same gift, but I would try to spend around the same amount of money on each girl.

Just to add to your updated questions:

Do I mention I want something new, something blue, etc, to my bridesmaids? Or Do I not mention that and if it happens, it happens?
Typically, the bride will cover all of these items unless someone says that they have something to offer for it (i.e. a piece of jewelry passed down from a relative).

Are you having a group text with everyone to communicate or are you, the bride, being left out of one?
The only group text I've had with my girls was the text I sent when outlining their dresses for them, since it was easier to write it once than 4 different times. For reference, I chose a color and length and told my ladies to find whatever they liked that fit those two requirements. We haven't texted in that thread since I sent it back in January (was supposed to have a July wedding).

Also - without breaking the bank, I want to give out good "Wedding Day" gifts to my bridesmaids. What are your guys favorites or what did you love getting when you were a bridesmaid?

I still stand by my recommendation above; shop for them like it's their birthday. Wine from a favorite winery, luggage tags if they love to travel, spa gift cards if they love to be pampered, etc.

I feel like the questions have changed based on the earlier responses, Lol.

#1 - I have never heard of the bridal party being responsible for the Something Old, New, etc. tradition. If that is something you want to do, it is your responsibility. It would be a fun one to put together with your mom/MIL though!

#2 - Groups texts are a "know your audience" thing. Personally, I HATE them. But, if you know your friends use this frequently and no one seems to mind, then by all means! However, my advice would be that if you find that one (or more) are non-responsive in a group text, it is probably not because she "doesn't care," but more likely that she is put off/annoyed by that method of communication.

#3 - Like everyone else has said, shop like you would for each person's birthday, and find things individually suited for that person that they can use long after the wedding.

1) As PP said, you wanting to do the something new/blue/borrowed tradition has nothing to do with your bridal party. It is about what you wear/have with you on the day.

2) I don’t like the idea of group conversations for BMs – I only have 2 BMs but I have seen one too many posts on here of brides complaining that people don’t respond etc. Just let things go their natural course re communicating with the group, but it also depends on how you usually communicate etc.

3) If I can say one thing about gifts, give them something practical if you want to give them a gift. Don’t give them a wine glass they’ll never use, or a piece of jewellery they’ll never wear etc. I think something like a spa voucher to get their nails done (before or after the wedding) would go down a treat.

That tradition is about items for the wedding day. Choosing the items and getting them is your responsibility. That also ensures they’ll be meaningful, be things you like, and work with your vision in a way that gifts would not.


For my friends’ wedding, we are all in a Facebook group together, along with her. Us bridesmaids have a separate group chat on WhatsApp that does not include her for shower and bachelorette talk. It was my idea, and I asked her and then each bridesmaid about it before creating the group. For my wedding, there is no group or group chat. My wedding is over a year away, so it would be too soon. I don’t plan on creating one at any point, though, because I only have three bridesmaids and one junior bridesmaid. I can just as easily talk to each one individually. If they choose to have one without me, that’s totally up to them.
I agree with shopping for bridal party gifts as if you were buying them birthday presents. The gifts should show some thought since they’re meant to convey appreciation.

All Of My Family And Bridal Party Is Out Of State So I Am Unable To Have A bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party, Etc. My MOH Is My Sister. I Asked Her If She Can Throw One Virtually And Shes more Then Happy To Do It. So I Dont Consider It Rude To Ask At All, Considering The Current Situation & The Person.

I Bought My Bridal Party All The Same Gifts, because They All Like The Same Things. And It Is Easier.

I Would Think You Would Want To Choose Your Own Accessories so You know You Like Them & They Dont Clash With Your Dress.

I agree with what other PP are saying here...

Also as far as something old, something new... I’m getting everything except for the Something Borrowed as obviously I will have to ask around. Good luck

I did mention to a friend that I still need something borrowed but I know she’s got a huge collection of earrings and other jewelry. In order to borrow something you’re going to have to let someone know you need something to borrow. People aren’t necessarily going to offer because they might not know you need/want it or they might not think you’d like their things.


I have a Messenger group called I Do Crew with my bridesmaids, my DOC and my mama. But my mama started a group for the bridal shower because she’s hosting it, I’m not involved in that one at all, just helped mama pick the date and suggested some foods.
As a bridesmaid I received a pearl necklace once and then received a cute box with plastic tumbler, candle, navy bracelet and matching earrings. The jewelry matched our dress. The pearl necklace was my favorite. I do still use the orange tumbler (probably more than I wear the necklace), but I love pearls. I’m planning to give my girls a silver bangle bracelet with 2 charms (Celtic knot and their initial). I may add a little something more but maybe not. If I do, it’ll be little, less than $10 each.

Something new, something old, something new, something borrowed and something blues has nothing to do with your BM. Thankfully my mother did those things for me because I completely forgot about
We definitely had a group text for our BP. It made scheduling appointments so much easier. My girls and I actually met once a month. They are all married and were good sounding boards for me.
I gave my girls multiple gifts. One of which was a vase from Things Remembered which I had engraved with their favorite Scripture.