Etiquette on throwing bachelorette parties? *Sister Rant*

We are already celebrating a different day anyways because of my sister's work xmas party. So I told my sister we'll just do a nice ladies dinner the Thursday beforehand. She gets mad because she wants to see family that is coming in to town early. (Family which in the past, she has avoided like the plague...she wouldn't even go a free beach vacation...but whatever) She blames me for trying to accommodate my friends and for not being a better planner. Mind you, she tells us all the time about all the weddings she's been in and how good of a planner she was for her sorority and her sisters weddings. She asks me "So you and your friends don't do bars, what am I supposed to plan a game night instead?" Actually...YES. That would have been a great idea! But she never asked. Then she basically told me to eff off and she'll "make what she can make, let her know what I decide to do."

I (now) know, thanks to my Dad, that she's frustrated because she threw me a wonderful bridal shower with a family friend's help and apparently it's been very hard to get a hold of my other bridesmaids. But if she didn't want to plan anything after I told her we won't be bar hopping (which was MONTHS ago), I'd rather her have said "Well I don't know what to plan, is there anyone else that can take over?"

Did you plan your own bachelorette party? I could understand running ideas by the bride but everything I've seen said it was a bridesmaids thing.

Honestly, you can't blame her. You said yourself that it slipped your mind and couldn't give her a good date...she was trying to accommodate a day that would work best for you and I think thats great of her. And now with the holidays coming up, free weekends are a rare commodity for ANY person...whether or not she wanted to see the family in the past is of no consequence as she wants to now.

I don't blame her for being pissed off, she was nice to run things by you to get your feelings on possible festivities and you just shot her down. I'd be pissed to and probably get just as frustrated and tell you the same thing. Now, because she realizes that you and your friends have such different interests than you and yours OF COURSE she has no idea what to plan. You've been on here long enough to know that the basic response when it comes to bachelorette parties is that you can give input, but its not your decision to make. The point is to have a stress free and fun night with the girls and you just created a bunch more stress for yourself for not letting your sister run with it and trusting her and are now wanting a party

How do you feel about your BMs not being very responsive? In any case I have encountered, it's all of the BMs who help out rather than just the MOH. MOH just has the added responsibility of coordinating everyone's ideas and making any accommodations.

Edit: grammar

@Maltese, sorry I gave her dates way in advance and she shot me down. So I accommodated her in the beginning. And she didn't give me a reason about why she said she didn't want to do the party two days before the wedding. So I said fine.

The conversation we had about not going out to bars was early in the engagement. I didn't just shoot her suggestions down with a no. I explained that between all of the people who would be invited, me and her were the only ones who would drink. I have friends who are pregnant and TTC, and I have friends who don't drink. I nicely explained that bar hopping down 6th street in Austin would get a resounding reply of no of invitations from all of my friends. So she knew we had different ideas of fun months ago. Actually, I don't read many of the bachelorette posts because...well I don't know. So just because I'm on here doesn't mean I've read all the posts. Which is why I was asking y'alls opinions.

@Elyse I feel bad that my other BMs were being unresponsive. I know my sister put a lot of work into my bridal shower and I thanked her profusely. I wish I had known that my other BMs weren't getting back to her before today. I didn't. My dad let me in on my sister's frustrations just after our fight. So of course I see where she is frustrated and pissed. But it shouldn't be at me.

She is the one who got mad and told me to eff off because I didn't plan anything! I didn't even bring up that she said she'd plan it and didn't. I was just trying to think of something last minute that more people could attend. A low key Thursday dinner for just 2 hours seemed reasonable to me, especially considering it's the holidays and many people have plans. I am not asking her to plan and throw me a helluva shindig now. I'm perplexed as to why she was mad at me.

When I was a BM we asked the bride what dates worked for her, got a list of invitees from the bride, and made sure she was ok with the general idea of what we're doing (i.e. was she adamant about nothing crude or strip clubs or alcohol), but most of it was a surprise to the bride. Which is funny because that's exactly what my sister did when she threw the shower. She asked me all those things.

Edit grammar

If she did all that for the bridal shower, and you didn't show a big interest in the bachelorette party, maybe she got the vibe you didn't want one? I like your idea for a simple girls dinner, hopefully she'll rally and be on board

There is nothing wrong with having a girls night out AFTER the wedding, if its to stressful to worry about it now, maybe consider to a get together afterward as more of a thank you party to all who participated in your wedding.