Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Etiquette on not inviting all extended family to a micro wedding?

Layla, on October 18, 2021 at 10:17 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I’m having a micro wedding and the only guests are immediate family, grandparents, and my fiancés 2 cousins and aunt. They’re immigrants from a really far away country and they’re basically immediate family for him. My extended side of the family is much bigger and not very close. So I’m ok with inviting only my fiancés 2 cousins and aunt.
In order for my step dads mom to attend, she would need to be with my step dads sister (and her husband as her plus 1). I’m in a dilemma because I want my grandma to attend, but my parents are saying if I open it up to my step dads sister then I’ll have to invite all of my moms siblings and the rest of my step dads siblings (and then probably all of my biological dads siblings). They also said my grandma will be confused about why none of her other children (my step dads siblings) are not there. My fiancé and I really want to keep the wedding small bc we’re both very shy people and I know if we invite more people we will not enjoy the day bc we’ll be stressed out and uncomfortable. Any ideas on how I should handle this? Thank you

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine S., on December 1, 2022 at 7:13 AM

Master October 2023
Cece · on October 18, 2021 at 10:43 AM
Flag

Hide content
Maybe instead of inviting the grandparents in person, you could live stream the wedding for them, as well as all the other extended relatives. If they are elderly, they may appreciate the option of watching from the comfort of their own home anyway.
- Reply
Super July 2020
Cool · on October 18, 2021 at 11:05 AM
Flag

Hide content
There’s another thread similar to this going around. I experienced this as a guest firsthand recently - being 1 of few cousins invited and only 1 aunt (not the other 2). It has had horrible repercussions. If grandma can’t come alone, stream it for her. If your one aunt gets an invite your other aunts and uncles will absolutely feel left out.
- Reply
Layla · on October 18, 2021 at 11:17 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
What are the horrible repercussions? I’ll try to find the other thread to see what they’re saying over there
- Reply
Super July 2020
Cool · on October 18, 2021 at 11:31 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Everyone is really hurt and relationship are permanently damaged. No one had any issues prior to this. It’s very hurtful to see your brother invited to a major family event that you are not invited to. The bride and groom seem to be surprised that everyone wasn’t more congratulatory towards them, without recognizing how badly they hurt those people.
- Reply
Super July 2020
Cool · on October 18, 2021 at 11:33 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
For example: my aunt was invited but my dad (her brother) was not. My dad has been involved in his life as long as my aunt, they live in the same place. My dad is so hurt he probably won’t speak with them again. It SUCKS.
- Reply
Layla · on October 18, 2021 at 11:50 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
That sounds horrible 😞 I’m sorry.
Do you think it would be different in my situation because my aunt is going because she is mu grandmas caretaker though?
- Reply
Super July 2020
Cool · on October 18, 2021 at 2:52 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I don’t know your family so I can’t say but I think in most cases, if you’re second guessing something because it may hurt someone’s feelings, you’re usually right. I also don’t know the specifics of your grandmas caretaking needs.
- Reply
June 2019
Elizabeth · on December 1, 2022 at 6:36 AM
Flag

Hide content
As a mature member of this family and uninvited to a micro wedding, my feelings are deeply hurt because our generation is not up to date on these things. I am learning that the bride and grooms are being advised to purposely withhold any announcement until 2 weeks before the wedding to avoid any guilt. However they may not consider that the shock they incur may take time to heal because it induces a sense of loss and betrayal. Even the most mature may need time to mourn this seemingly selfish and awkward decision.
- Reply

VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on December 1, 2022 at 7:13 AM
Flag

Hide content
My sister had a micro-wedding which came to about 15 people. No aunts and uncles were invited, but one uncle did come as a caregiver to our grandparents.

You mention your stepdad's mother, but then call her "grandma." Is that the same person? You're close enough with your stepdad to invite his family (who are technically not relatives of yours)? Because if he's like a dad to you and raised you, I can see how it would be difficult to choose.
You can also livestream the ceremony so grandma can be comfortable and watch from home. Because it's a tiny wedding I think non-invited people would be more understanding of this.
- Reply