Etiquette on Invitation for Separated Couple?

I would skip the STD and just wait to send the invite.

I would skip the save-the-date since they are optional anyway. This will buy you some time to figure out how to address the invitation when it gets closer.

I'd skip it

I would either skip it, or send one to him at his parents.

I was originally going to send one to my FBIL at my FMIL's house for a similar reason (he is in the middle of a divorce but his wife hasn't moved out yet and she sometimes throws away his mail to be spiteful) but then I thought what is he going to do with it there? My FMIL already has one on her fridge. If he gets his from his mom and takes it home, his wife might throw it away or hide it. So I skipped it. He knows when the wedding is because he's a groomsman and he will get an invitation in a few months even if I have to hand deliver it to him.

I had this same situation two weeks ago (my cousin and her hubby) I waited and waited not knowing what to do (especially because her RSVP had their names on it together. I hated bothering her with it after everything they are going through but in the end i just called her and asked her how i should approach it. She was sweet and understanding about it ,It was a huge relief lol Maybe wait then bring it up to him before the invites go out.

Thanks for the input ladies! I think I'll skip the STD for now and just make sure he knows the date of the wedding.

I would skip it. I had a situation like this with DHs cousin and thank goodness we waited like an extra week to send our STDs because in that time the cousin split from his wife (who none of us liked anyhow) and so we were able to invite only him. If we had invited the wife too I wouldn't have put it past her to come anyhow even with the being split up.

Chances are once it's time for the invites you'll at least have a better idea on what's to come and can go from there.

I would send one to her and the kids at their house, and a separate one for him at his parents address.

Although it does depend on your relationship with his wife. I have a few divorced/separated family members who I am inviting both people. Even within my family, I've always liked the person not related to me to and wanted them both there. If you don't like her maybe wait to see if they split, but if you do then send seperately.

@Erica, to make matters more complicated, his wife is my former college roommate who I had a huge falling out with around the time they got engaged. She comes to our family events and we avoid each other as much as we can. So, to be honest, I wouldn't miss her if she didn't come to the wedding and would prefer she not come, especially if they are still having marital troubles when the wedding rolls around. I think I will wait to see how things play out with the two of them and hopefully the dust will have settled for them some by the time I send wedding invitations and I'll have a more clear cut answer to how to send the invite.

Skip the STD

Do not send them a save the date. A lot can change in their relationship and then you'll be stuck. If your cousin is going to be invited regardless of his relationship status and he needs the date in advance just call him.