Etiquette for Step Parents In Law

I think this depends on the relationship too like how close they are

I’ve known my stepmom and stepdad since I was a little girl. They will get a gift and corsage/boutonnière and reserved seat at the ceremony. I will put their names in the program. I’m not doing any dances with them however or asking for speeches.

It really depends on your relationship. If they are like true step parents to you, I would find a way to honor them. If they're just your mother or father's husband or wife, probably not. I would still reserve a seat for them next to your parents in the front two rows of the ceremony and the family tables at the reception, but I wouldn't ask them to give speeches.

Your step parents are always seated beside their spouse, at the ceremony and at meals. In pictures, it is permissible to have some pics with your natural parents , provided they get on, but also do ones of you with your dad and step mom, you and Mom and step dad, groom's too. And of you as a couple with each pair, not all together. They want to have frameable pictures, or ones in an album, to show people, with current partners. Though your siblings and you may want reconstituted family shots, divorced mom and dad, and each of you kids without partners in at least one posted shot for each family. As well as a shot, everyone with current partners. Dances, you can do or not. At some point during the reception you should dance with bio dad and with step dad. But only one, or neither, needs to be a spotlight dance. TV and movies aside, about half of the time only the couple dances a full dance with others looking in. Any others, family is on the dance card, dance with certain people at minimum. But done when others are dancing. Don't ask people to wait through 4 spotlight dances in addition to yours. Not necessary, and people start looking pointedly bored, or turn away, noticeably in the background. This is not supposed to be a floor show for a half hour. Consider that if your step parents was with you for years growing up, and you are close, that not only is dancing a common parental honor, but so is a 2 minute it less soeach and toast to the couple. And commonly done by Dads, Grandfathers or special uncles or brothers, godfathers or mentors, or step dads. Or step moms. And often there are more than one talk and toast people, brief stand up, best wishes, and a sip for each. . . . Giving everyone a gift every time you turn around is a recent trend. It is not in any way traditional. The only thing that is rarely not done: after the wedding most couples give an extensive collection of photos, and either an album or some framed shots. Some people write letters to their parents to give them wedding day, very sentimental. Gifts can be done. But more people don't than do ( except photos and letters.). And save their happy you are my mom or dad type gifts for mother's day, father's day, their birthdays, and their anniversaries. If they paid a major amount for the wedding, they get a thank you note, definitely. But usually you don't thank someone for a gift with a gift. If you think any kind of honor for one will upset someone else, just don't do it. All parent things are optional even with one set of original parents each. None are worth causing problems.

It really depends on your relationship with them. My FH loves his stepmom but since she's only recently come into his life he's comfortable doing a formal dance with her. Of course she'll be escorted in and given a corsage as if his own mother would've.

First, I would let FH have decision with respect to his family members.

They should be seated with partner at their own table at reception. Ceremony can be more tricky. The parent that the groom or bride lived with primarily (usually, but not always the mom) should have dibs on the front aisle seat on their side. If they are OK with ex and ex's spouse also in front row, that is fine, if not the ex and ex's spouse should sit in the second row. Some places may work with one of set of parent/new partner at center aisle, other at the other end.

Agree with PP, some pix with both bio parents, others with bio parent and new partner. Inform photographer ahead of time. Maybe type a list with names for photographer.

All of this assumes that neither new partner was an affair partner.

What can be awkward if the bride or groom regard one stepparent as family but not another. It would be best to have some compromise, so the different treatment does not look obvious.