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Minle
Just Said Yes February 2020

Etiquette for sister's married boyfriend

Minle, on August 20, 2019 at 10:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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My sister recently separated from her husband. She is seeing a married man who cheats on her, hits her, got her doing drugs, has her pay for everything, and is bleeding her dry. They break up and get back together constantly and act like teenagers. He's got several children and a wife he goes home to regularly who takes him back even though she's seen my sister WITH him.

They are a social unit but I really don't want him at my wedding. Neither does the rest of the family for obvious reasons.

She asked me if she could bring him. I said no because we're not giving plus ones to anyone, including my fiance's sister who also just separated from her husband. I explained it was intimate and we only want people we know (and their spouses for people if we haven't met them). She seemed to have understood but I know she's gonna ask again.

Am I in the wrong for not wanting to invite him? What should I do if she pushes the question again? I do want her there but there will be drama if he goes. Plus I really don't want him on the pictures or video.

Also it's a destination wedding in Mexico so she will be paying her way (and potentially his if he's allowed).

14 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Bubba, on August 28, 2019 at 1:31 AM
  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    You are not in the wrong though some here may say otherwise. He is obviously bad enough that your whole family is not a fan plus isn’t even faithful in his messed up relationships. I say don’t allow him. You don’t want the drama especially at a destination wedding that’s intimate.
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    How he manipulates her or spends her money is not your concern (although it is hard to hear, I know) but if there is domestic abuse? No way is he welcome. Explain it to her, and also explain as much as they are perceived in wedding circles as a social unit, you are not comfortable with promoting infidelity as your, oh I don't know.....WEDDING?

    Hold firm - you are not comfortable with him there. Period. I am kinda shocked she would even ask, to be blunt.

    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I don’t think you’re wrong and it is YOUR day so you get to invite who you want.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I wouldn't invite him either. This is your wedding and you deserve to have it as drama free as possible.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    He hits her. No. Absolutely not. He's also married to someone else but he hits her. They're not a social unit. They are dysfynction.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    As long as he is not legally separate from ( and keeping separate from) his legal wife, he is NOT part of a couple with your sister. Not to mention that if he does something out of bounds, or they get into trouble due to someone reporting noise, abuse, drinking, or drugs, while in Mexico, the cops on that side of the border may expect you to post a bond to get you and your sister to leave Mexico. Why would she, or you, possibly think you need to invite him? No for 10 reasons. No.
    • Reply
  • Alma
    Expert October 2020
    Alma ·
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    No way! I would not invite him in a million years!
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    He sounds like a terrible person. I would never consider allowing a person who treated my sister like that to my wedding, even if she thought the relationship was a good idea. Besides, I think it would be odd to invite an openly cheating spouse to a wedding. Seems like that wouldn’t really be supportive of the whole idea of a marriage to me.
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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    That man is a social unit with HIS WIFE. You are well within your rights not to invite an abusive drug user to your wedding. It would do your sister some good to have a little distance from him too.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
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    I wouldn't say you're in the wrong because this situation is so messy. I would even go so far to say they aren't in fact a social unit as he is married on top of him abusing her. I would not have strangers and people who make me feel uncomfortable at a destination wedding especially which is probably a more intimate affair.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Generally I would say that any couple needs to be invited together, but abuse of any kind is always a deal-breaker for me. I would continue to say no to your sister.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Absolutely not, especially with it being a destination wedding. She’s the side chick, not the wife. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is a disaster waiting to happen. I think you handled it well saying it is a small, intimate event. And like you said, the other recent divorcee is also not getting a plus one, so nope. Nope nope nope.

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  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Spouses only is your guest list rule. Simply let her know that you'll have to invite him with his wife or not at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    Just say NO!
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