Etiquette for making invitees clear

I think you can just invite as normal and address the invite to only the two parents and say “we’ve reserved 2 spots for you” or whatever on the invite. If they come to the wedding and see other kids then I’m sure they wouldn’t bother you on your wedding to ask or complain about it and B. They can assume that you know those kids better and have reason for it.

I wouldn't do this. Parents often tend to be pretty negative about kid-free weddings in general, especially if they live out of town. Getting a babysitter for an evening in your home town isn't too challenging. But finding a babysitter you trust in a strange town, or finding a babysitter for a whole weekend, is much tougher.

But at least if it's a kid-free wedding, they don't feel individually singled out. If their kids aren't invited, but they see lots of other kids running around, that's going to be much harder for them to deal with.

They live out of town...are you prepared for them to no come due to childcare? If the whole family is there, who will watch their child...

I would prepare for several scenarios in this case:


1. They decline to attend. Many parents are not going to find a sitter for an out of town wedding, especially if it requires an over night stay
2. It has negative effects on your relationship with your cousin. Whether she attends & realizes all the other children in both your and your spouse’s families were in invited, or she sees photos and realizes it, she is likely going to be offended and angry that her children were singled out and deemed “not worthy” to attend your wedding.
3. She attends and realizes all the other children were invited and confronts you at your wedding as to why hers weren’t.
Personally, I would highly suggest inviting her children. Inviting all the other children and singling out hers - especially when they are out of town! - comes off as highly rude. It’s not worth the headache it’s likely to cause.

If you are inviting some kids and not others, this is impolite. No way around it. I would rethink this.

I also agree with the pp suggesting to fill in # of spots reserved. I even wrote in the names of each person I invited

View Quoted Comment If any further context helps -
1) The town they live in is where her husband's family is, so I assume the children's grandparents would watch them for the weekend as they often do
2) We have a limit of 100 people for the ceremony and it's possible inviting all 5 of them would push that limit instead of 23) I'm hoping that they'd understand inviting all my first cousins make sense (as that's what I plan on doing, inviting all first cousins), but if I go beyond and start inviting cousins KIDS etc. then it could add up quickly. 4) This cousin invited myself and one of my brothers to her wedding, but not our younger two brothers

Sorry, to add further, I work full time but my fiance is still a student so we don't honestly have a huge budget. Adding her 3 kids would amount to at least another $120 I believe. Is it really necessary to put ourselves out, out of obligation for a family that doesn't even attend Christmas etc..?

I am not sure that you can especially with them having to travel. Unless they have someone they trust that much with their children to stay with them for however many days they will need to be away, they won't be able to attend without bringing their children. If it was a local wedding, that would be different. Once she sees other children there but hers were not included, she is going to be hurt. I would be but to answer your question, I would be sure to add to your RSVP card that there are only 2 seats reserved for them.

View Quoted Comment There are only 4 children invited on that side of the family and all would be first cousins (same as her). Do you really think she would be offended that I would invite first cousins but not their kids?

View Quoted Comment

I obviously can't speak for her but it is very possible. I think more so just because of all the arrangements they are going to have to make for their children having to be left at home, with a sitter, overnight plus the costs of them having to travel to your wedding. You aren't obligated to invite anyone to your wedding but just understand that it could cause some hurt feelings and possibly even a decline to go at all.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the input everyone! I guess I might need to rethink this one and see if I can cut other areas of the budget to accommodate.

Just put their names on the invitation. We chose to have some wiggle room if people opted to bring their kids without being specifically invited. But we have found that most of our guests are choosing to get baby sitters. Although we assume this is due to my past reputation as a party queen. And the fact that most people know I dont like kids.