Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted December 2020

Etiquette for infants & toddlers

Rachel, on February 15, 2020 at 9:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi guys!

When addressing wedding invites to families with children (when it’s an adult only wedding) I understand to not list the children’s names on the invitation.
However, we have a couple of friends/family who are having babies this fall & at this time they (the couples) will be in attendance at our wedding. We’re getting married the first week of December so the babies won’t be older than 3-4 months. FH and I are fine with infants coming to the wedding if that’s what the parents want to do since they won’t take up a seat, but we don’t plan on writing the infants name on the invite. Idk if this is right to do or not?
Also.. one of these family members also has a toddler. Again, this is not a kid friendly wedding & we aren’t going to be writing his name on the invite. I’m anticipating this family member reaching out & asking to bring the toddler since they’ll more than likely bring the newborn (she doesn’t like to leave her children with other people and she has told me she’s for sure coming). What would I say in this case to make it known that she cannot bring her toddler?
I know this all sounds super rude of me & I know that I can’t “pick and choose” which children I want there. I would rather there not be any children (newborns, toddlers, etc) at all but trying to be sensitive to how difficult it can be for moms with their newborns. Any help is appreciated!

Flag
Hide content

10 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel, on February 16, 2020 at 4:29 PM

Expert May 2021
Rachael · on February 15, 2020 at 10:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
I just wrote the parents name on the invites then I personally reached out to 2 people with newborns (kids that will be under 1) and said it's adults only but I understand if you need to bring the baby. So yes I guess I pick and chose kind of. I did not extend that offer to anyone with a toddler, I feel they can get a sitter at that age honestly and I asked a few friends with kids 2-4 and they agreed with my strategy
- Reply
Devoted September 2020
Jessie · on February 15, 2020 at 10:18 PM
Flag

Hide content
You're not being rude at all. I would just tell her exactly what you just told us. You're not obligated to invite anyone (including kids or infants).
- Reply
Expert February 2020
Givemeallthepups · on February 15, 2020 at 10:42 PM
Flag

Hide content
I’ve got 5 friends that have newborns and I reached out to them individually. I phrased it as “we’re having an adults-only wedding but I know you’re the sole source of food for your baby.”

None of them have also asked about bringing their older kids.
- Reply
Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on February 16, 2020 at 12:25 AM
Flag

Hide content
I am having this exact problem!! I ended up having to cave on a thirteen year old (his dad is my FBIL and coming from NC) and a newborn (my other FBIL's fiance is preggo and due the month before) plus my five year old adopted sister. I am not caving on anyone else the age limit is >18 or < one year and no exceptions. I'm thinking I'll put the thirteen year old as an usher or something that way he's technically "in the wedding".
- Reply
Dedicated September 2020
Private User · on February 16, 2020 at 1:34 AM
Flag

Hide content
We're having adult only wedding too since we're having an open bar and my FH side has like 15 kids ranging from 1 to 12. Plus most of the moms were stoked to be away and have a "date night". I wrote on our website in 3 different places that children were not allowed and we hope arrangements can be made for them to find a babysitter. The only two children who are invited is my FSIL(13) and my cousin (15). But I mainly didn't want small children.
- Reply
Master June 2017
Mrs. Coakley · on February 16, 2020 at 4:28 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would simply write just the names of the parents on the invite. If they do ask, just say “I’m sorry, it’s an adults only wedding. We understand if you are no longer able to attend.” Keep in mind that 3-4 month olds may still be exclusively breastfeeding so don’t be surprised if the parents can’t attend!
- Reply
Master May 2020
Kari · on February 16, 2020 at 11:26 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think if it is really important for you that those guests with newborns attend, then you should definitely make space for babies that are only a few months old. If this is just a handful of people, I would address the invites to the parents only, then reach out to them individually and let them know that they can bring the baby if that makes them the most comfortable. New parents have so much to worry/think about so I think that extra connection made by you would be a nice gesture, plus it will be a chance to have a conversation about them having their baby at the wedding in case there are questions, concerns, etc.

Also, I think it would be great if you could find a quiet space at your venue for the new moms to breastfeed or pump if needed. They would so appreciate it!
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on February 16, 2020 at 11:59 AM
Flag

Hide content
Infants are great. Mostly they sleep when not feeding or being held. Do not put them on the invitation. Do enclose a note in the same envelope as the invitation, or call them within a couple of days of getting the Save or Invitation. Because they have no meal to count, don't forget to note for caterer that they need an extra chair that will safely take a baby carrier or seat. Also, make sure you know that the ceremony location, and venue, have a screened off area where a mother may withdraw to nurse. It is not an issue of exposed breasts. Many babies do not latch on well in the first few months. And the distraction of a tivity around them disrupts things. So a small screened off area or anteroom is a help. Babies who nurse or bottle feed well, have nice dispositions and sleep lots. Babies who keep starting and stopping, swallow air, get gas and not enough to eat. They are the ones who cry. Self preservation, provide a distraction free quiet feeding place.
- Reply
Devoted December 2020
Rachel · on February 16, 2020 at 4:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Well our ceremony is on the lawn of the resort and our reception is at a restaurant on the same property. Unfortunately there’s not a quiet area in the restaurant that besides the bathroom. We will have about an hour long gap between the ceremony & reception so they can always go back to their room to pump/breastfeed.
- Reply

Devoted December 2020
Rachel · on February 16, 2020 at 4:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Our ceremony is outdoors, but is on the same property as accommodations so they will have the option of going indoors or back to their room if needed. With our reception being at a restaurant, I doubt there’s a quiet area besides the restroom that could be used. It is on the same property as the resort, but it would take a couple of minutes to walk back to their room (depending on which unit they were in)
- Reply