Etiquette for eloping

I would tell them. I couldn't imagine not telling my parents that I got married until after. They would be so hurt.

Tell them.

You should tell them that you plan on eloping, but you're going to celebrate with everyone later. I think you're right when you said they'll be hurt if you don't tell them, and it'll add more drama than you could avoid.

I would definitely tell them, but I also come from a very tight knit family.

I would tell them.

I know you want small and intimate, but I honestly can't imagine getting married without my parents being there, unless they didn't support my relationship.

I wanted to elope but I value my parents' opinions. So I called them and expressed how I felt and both parents said that I am an adult and can make my own decisions but they wanted a "celebration for my family and friends"... Can't say I wasn't disappointed but hurting them would've disappointed me more.

Go with your gut instinct and at least mention it to your parents.

I always tell my couples to inform their parents. Even if they're not hurt by you eloping, they will definitely be offended by hiding it from them.

That would not go over well... People get really upset when they show up to a celebration of marriage/reception thinking they were coming to a wedding. You don't need to hide or be ashamed of your choice to elope. Just be honest.

My fiance and I are eloping as well. I told my mother because we are very close and I knew she would be supportive of my choice, also told my aunts but I do not plan on telling my dad until after we wed because I am not at all close with him. I understand why your fiance wants to keep it secret, I know I would be worried that some people might want to guilt me into having a wedding. But if you are worried your parents will be hurt than you should discuss with your fiance about maybe telling only them.

So do your families know about the venue you booked in NJ? Do they think that's your actual wedding at this point? If you don't say anything about your plan to get married earlier, will they show up at the NJ reception two months later expecting to see your actual marriage ceremony and then be told there's no ceremony because it's already happened?

That would be upsetting for your families and friends. It's lying by omission.

I have no issues with elopements. It's just better if you're transparent about it.

I also come from an extremely tight knit family (we talk on a daily basis) and I couldn't imagine not telling my family.

I'd tell them.

I'm eloping also. I'm calling it a private ceremony or a planned elopement since it will be close to a year of planning and I wasn't sure if that can be categorized as an elopement.

Both FH and I told our families our plan, since not telling them would feel like a lie and also because I'm excited and want to share my excitement with the people I love. I will say that when talking to my mom about the planning of it she isn't as interested as I'd hoped but since she's not a part of it I can understand that. We've had several people who are disappointed that there won't be a wedding for them to attend they understand that this is important to us and don't make us feel bad.

Like you I'll be having a party about a month after the wedding to celebrate with our close friends and family. While my mom doesn't show much enthusiasm for the ceremony she has been very involved in the planning of the party we will be hosting.

Btw, I live in San Diego but we are traveling to big sur for our ceremony

Kery,

Since your date is so far away, my advice to you would be to stop referring to it as an elopement and start calling it a private ceremony with a reception later. I think you may receive better reactions. Then there are no secrets. I eloped, but as in: decided, booked a flight and got married in Vegas a couple of days later. I did tell my mom. But DH didn't tell his. Mainly because Vegas wasn't too far from them and they would have insisted on coming anyway. His immediate family found out the next day. No one was mad. I realize every family is different. But that was our experience. I am very close with my mother which is why I told her in advance. But no one in our family was upset.

I can't say I wouldn't be a little hurt if someone in my immediate family (parent or sibling) eloped without telling me (especially if it was planned). I would get over it immediately - but it would still sting.

I would convince my FH to tell them. Weddings make people do crazy things. What if they decide, "Hey - this is my son/daughters wedding. I'm getting on that damn plane!!" ??

As a parent, I would be super upset if one of my kids got married without telling me. As a guest, I'm not excited about attending a reception for a wedding I wasn't invited to. I mean if the reception is supposed to be "a thank you for attending the ceremony", then why have a reception for people you didn't even invite to your ceremony?

I would definitely tell my family. My parents would be so hurt if I didn't even tell them...

We were originally going to elope and said as much, but FH's mother told him she'd be hurt if we got married without her, so we are having a very small wedding.

I think it depends how close you are to your family.

My daughter told me she was eloping in a 1 line text. We have always been close. She has discussed everything with me from pregnancy scares to mom I am so tired and just need a hug. Finding out she was getting married in a text made me question my whole relationship with her. Maybe I am not really as close with her as I thought. Getting married is pretty much the most important decision an adult makes and being lied to when I asked if she was considering marriage a week before and then when my mom radar made uneasy I jokingly asked are you getting a passport or a marriage license her response was simply.... yeah we r eloping today. Then no response to my calls or texts for almost 2 hours. Some how I have to get it an okay place with this but it feels like a kick to the gut. Be very careful how you do this and realize those you have loved you for years want to feel included in the special times in your life.