Etiquette Advice

I agree that it's not right to only invite the groom's side. If MIL is paying then she does get some say in who is invited, so I guess at this point it's either all family or none. If she doesn't like the idea of paying for everyone then she should uninvite their side.

I'd sit with your FH and ask him who he thinks should be invited to the RD. If both of you are in agreeance on just having the standard wedding party, parents, whoever's in the wedding, then I'd put your foot down and be firm with her.

Just because she's paying, doesn't mean she gets a say in everything. I'm sorry, but I cannot stand it when people use that as an excuse to run things the way they want. If you both want a more intimate dinner with the wedding party and whoever is IN the wedding, then do it that way.

We have out of town guests that will be staying in a hotel for the weekend, but they aren't invited to the RD just because of that fact, family or not. We'll be doing a casual RD with those IN the wedding, and their SOs, then we'll be having a Meet & Mingle at the hotel bar. So similar to your compromise idea.

I don't agree that it would be added stress, my FMIL tried to pull the same thing with us lol. You honestly don't HAVE to provide food and alcohol for them it you make it optional, which is what we're doing. We're doing online RSVPs so on the Meet & Mingle event, we put: "Feel free to join us at the hotel bar from 7pm-10pm. This is a time to meet, mingle, and relax before the big day! Food will not be provided, so please plan dinner accordingly."

I don't agree with this at all. Just because someone is contributing, doesn't mean they have the final say and override the bride and groom. We've known several people who's parents paid for the RD and the only people they invited were those in the wedding and the SOs of said people.

I'm all for letting those that contributed money have a little bit of a say, but in this case FMIL is way out of line with the 80 people guest list for a rehearsal dinner...that's excessive and unnecessary. Plus, FMIL invited these people without consulting the couple first, therefore resulting in this mix-up. I'm sure those that booked hotel rooms have the option to cancel their reservation (usually you have until 48 hours of your booked date). And I'm sorry, but just because they're used to family being invited to the RD, doesn't mean they should expect it, nor is the couple obligated to follow said 'tradition'.

I agree with you on that. I think that if you accept someone's money, there needs to be a conversation about what's expected with that contribution. I do feel that if the FMIL is willing to pay for these people and the couple allow it, it turns it into something FMIL wants, not what the couple wants, and at the end of the day what they want should take priority. Hopefully OP gets it figured out!

Yep. So many times we've seen this. Money comes with strings. MIL asked all these people to the RD I assume because she's paying. Personally I think she overstepped there if she didn't run it by you guys, but in essence she's hosting this. That's why if the wedding couple wants full control, they need to decline any money or help with the wedding.

I think your suggestion to your MIL is a perfect solution/compromise. I have no idea how large your wedding is, but I have never heard of a RD with 80 people. That is crazy! If MIL doesn’t go for your compromise, I would have a traditional RD and have the other people cancel their hotel reservations. What does your fiancé think? Good luck!