Estranged Sibling

Our guest list is approx 180. My fiance has many more friends than I do because he's been in some of the most popular punk bands in Philadelphia. He also has a bigger family. It's only natural for him to have more people there from his "side" than mine. However, since the guest list is so big already, is it expected that I would invite my brother anyway ? I really don't care of he comes one way or another but at the same time, I don't want it to seem petty that I didn't invite him because I wasn't invited to his.

We got married this weekend, and FH's brother did not get an invite (also estranged, and we hardly see him.) It was nice not to worry about the drama.

I don't think you'd be an asshole for not inviting him, but I do think you should really think through it before you make a decision. Your relationship is already strained, so I don't think anyone could blame you for not inviting him, but you will be the one who has to deal with the consequences of that decision. I've always been one to at least attempt to take the high road, and leave the ball in the other person's court.

ETA: Typing too fast, typos

I mean, if your relationship is so nonexistent that he didn't invite you to his wedding, then you probably don't need to invite him to yours. But if you want to be the bigger person, you can extend the invite to him and his family and let them do what they please with that.

The really messed up part is that I am 31 (almost 32), he is 5 years older. I have never once got an explanation or valid reason for him treating me the way he does and always has. I've never done anything to him. Obviously as kids, it can be sibling rivalry or that I was the girl and messed up their "brother pact" or whatever silly things kids come up with. But as adults, it's no different. Granted, if he tried to hit me now I'd kick the crap out of him LOL but he always has this condescending tone in his voice and a judgey look towards me. I don't know how to explain it, really. But I'm just afraid that if I don't invite him, it might make things even worse or I'll end up hearing second-hand that his wife was talking crap. I guess it still bothers me that we never were close and it bothers me that I wasn't even thought of on HIS day. I'm really thinking I'd rather him not be there anyway but I might send an invite just to be the bigger person. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Personally, id invite to be the bigger person (or a petty betty, depending on how you look at it) and put the ball in his court. If he doesn't come, that is on him, not you. If he does come, would it cause you stress? If so, that's the only reason I may skip an invite. If you don't invite him, its likely to end any potential of repairing (or starting?) your relationship in the future.

I did send my estranged uncle a wedding invite (mostly to be petty---but also so he could never throw it in my face that he was excluded) and he never opened it and wrote return to sender. So it was a big F you....but now I don't feel bad about being a bitch towards him.

Even though u guys don't get along. I would just still send the invite. He might not show up.

Only you and FH can make that decision. My suggestion is wait a bit before deciding either way. Maybe reach out to him to try and bridge that relationship. As the relationship is already strained, not inviting him could push it past any chance of building a relationship.

As for his wife talking crap, if she's the type to do that, it will happen either way honestly. My sister's SO is the same way.

I agree with APZ. Be the bigger person. Arrange to meet them and ask point blank about what is wrong. If they don't respond to the wedding invite, it's on them. Always take The High Road.

I personally would invite him anyway to be a bigger person. But I don't think you should feel bad for not inviting him. Just bc he's related to you doesn't make him important in your life. Obviously your relationship is very non existent because you wetent invited to his wedding nor did he even tell you about it.

Just invite him, he's your brother.

I really don't think that's petty to not invite him. Don't extend it especially since he seems to put you in a sour mood. Why have that around?