Estranged Father Of The Bride... Invite/not Invite?

Based on what you've said here (and I'm sure there's more to it) I would not send him an invite. Truly, you don't owe him anything.

I would generally say to send an invitation even if you're not close or have a strained relationship, but I draw the line at toxic, abusive people. I wouldn't invite him hoping he won't show, and if it would cause you stress or emotional pain for him to be there, I wouldn't invite him at all.

I would not invite him to your wedding. If you extend the invite, and send a letter asking him not to come he might decide to come. If you don't want him there (and you have many good reasons) then skip the invitation.

Though my biological dad isn't abusive, I have a similar situation. I hadn't seenmy dad in 20 years. He lost his job when I was 5 and just stopped playing child support and showing up for his visits. Out of fear of being arrested he ran for 20 years. I finally found him 11 years ago. I've seen him all of 3 times since. He makes no effort to call or visit, I'm always the one having to make the effort. I finally stopped after being turned down over and over. I see pictures of him on Facebook celebrating things like the birth of his girlfriend's grandkids, her kid's weddings and birthdays etc. When I posted that I was engaged I hoped he'd call me. Nope. No acknowledgement from him at all about it. I don't plan on sending him an invite.

I agree with PP, don't invite him. I think it may make it more awkward if you write a letter saying you are going to invite him, but don't really want him to come. If you are not genuine about wanting him there, then no invite. You have nothing to feel guilty about. IMO impregnating a woman doesn't make you a dad, it's helping to raise that child to be a healthy and stable adult (whether the parents are together or not). It doesn't sound like the man who impregnated your mother did that for you. He is the one who should feel guilty because of how he treated you. You should not feel guilty for not wanting him there on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

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Exactly this.

I wouldn’t invite him.

if you invite him, you have to be prepared for the reality that he might actually show up— so only invite him if you’re truly prepared to deal with that.

you do not owe this man anything. If you exclude him from your wedding, it is HIS choices and actions that caused it— not YOU, so try not to feel too guilty.

Answer this for me: Why would you want him there?

Because I did grow up with that father. I didn't invite him. He is not my family. I don't want someone like that on such a happy day.

Don't send an invite to him if you are just hoping he will decline it. If he accepts, you will dread your wedding from the moment you get his RSVP.

I wouldn't invite him. Your brother's relationship with him has no bearing on your guest list.

If he will ruin your day then no, say it honestly as you can. If you think it will be fine then invite. I personally would not but your day your rules.