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Just Said Yes May 2017

Estranged father...invite?

Christine, on April 18, 2017 at 1:09 PM Posted in Planning 0 6

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I am getting married in Las Vegas in less than a month. My father and I have been on uncertain terms for about 5 years, the 10 years before that we didn't talk at all. It is rare for us to have a conversation that doesn't end in frustration...It's hard to explain, but the best that I can do is that he's trying to make up for lost time in my childhood and treats me like that: a child. Very mushy-gushy and over the top, puts me on a pedestal, and if I don't play along, he becomes outraged. It's embarrassing and uncomfortable. My mom thinks I should invite him to our VERY small wedding, because she is worried I will regret it later. I think I will regret inviting him because I will have to play his game or risk him having an outburst at the chapel. I don't feel like I'll be able to be myself or enjoy my time, but I know I face his anger anyway when he finds out we got married without him. It's getting to the point where I just want to give up and put off the wedding (again). Any advice?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Elphaba, on April 18, 2017 at 5:41 PM

VIP May 2018
CaboBride2018 · on April 18, 2017 at 1:14 PM
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It sounds like you know you don't want him there and are just worried about family pressure. I think you should have the wedding you want and not invite him. Explain to your mom that you have thought this through and are satisfied with your decision.

For the record, my father is estranged, wasn't invited to my first wedding, and won't be invited to the one I'm currently planning. As far as I'm concerned, the ship has sailed on my relationship with him.
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Master April 2017
Bemyguest · on April 18, 2017 at 1:20 PM
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Don't cave to family pressure.

Think about looking at your wedding pics 10 years from now. Are you going to be sad he's not in them? If not, he doesn't need to be invited.

It sounds like he puts a lot of undue stress on you, and I wouldn't want that at my wedding.
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Devoted May 2019
MOB · on April 18, 2017 at 1:25 PM
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Don't postpone the wedding and don't invite your dad. You are doing a small DW much like an elopement. All you have to do is tell him you eloped, period. You don't need that kind of stress on the happiest day of your life!
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Just Said Yes May 2017
Christine · on April 18, 2017 at 2:51 PM
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Yeah, I planned on just telling him we eloped and call it good. I just don't think I could have the day and feelings I want to have if he's there. He requires a lot of attention. My mom and stepdad are all about forgiveness and moving on, but he made my graduation awkward so I can only imagine my wedding. Especially when my stepdad walks me down the aisle...thanks for the input ladies!
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Devoted October 2017
Rocio H · on April 18, 2017 at 5:27 PM
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YOUR wedding day is your day. Its whatever you want it to be with whoever. If you think there's a chance he might overstep during your day then don't.
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Super September 2017
Kris · on April 18, 2017 at 5:39 PM
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I have a very similar relationship with my father. He just popped back into my life 4 years ago and our relationship since has been pretty rocky. At the moment, he isn't invited to the wedding b/c I don't feel comfortable around him and I wouldn't want to have anyone at the wedding that makes me uncomfortable.
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