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Savvy May 2021

Estranged Father Daughter Dance

Mari, on May 3, 2019 at 2:28 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi everyone!
Long story short my father hasn’t been around for very much… I’ve tried to include him in every aspect of my life and he never took much interest and when he did he would wind up flaking out. Literally the only important thing that he’s ever come to is my engagement party. Now that being said he’s definitely not walking me down the aisle, And my eyes he gave me away along time ago so my mother is going to be the one walking me. My mom thinks that I should still dance with him. Now my question is what would you guys do? I know that he’s going to feel bad that he’s not walking me down the aisle but I guess I could give him one little dance. What songs would you recommend? I don’t want to dance some sappy song with him because quite frankly I don’t see him that way. It makes me sad that I even have to write this post because I’ve tried so hard to have a good relationship with him, he just always blows it.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Bubba, on May 6, 2019 at 2:34 AM

Savvy October 2019
H G · on May 3, 2019 at 2:36 PM
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I have this same issue, and we are just eliminating the parent dances altogether. My FH is really close with his mom but he had no problem with us cutting them out. Neither of us are really big on spotlight dances; usually that's my cue to go refill at the bar, lol.
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Super September 2019
Iva · on May 3, 2019 at 2:43 PM
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Why do you feel you should give him a dance, if you say he has never been there for you, has always flaked out of things, and not shown any interest in you or your important life moments, despite your efforts to have a relationship with him?
If you’re asking for opinion, I personally wouldn’t do father/daughter dance in this case.
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Master September 2020
Jessica · on May 3, 2019 at 2:57 PM
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I understand and I've been trying to decide what to do myself. I didn't even meet my father until I was 17 and now I think the only reason he visits is because of my kids - he never married and still lives with his parents at 50. I decided to have my son walk with me down the aisle because I don't feel like anyone can be offended (my mom since she was my sole source of support growing up or my dad who offered some money to help with the wedding). I feel like I should acknowledge somehow that my dad is helping with the wedding costs, but I'm with you on not dancing to a sappy traditional father-daughter dance song. The song that has been stuck in my mind lately is Tom Petty's "Wildflowers," but I still have over a year so I'll have to see how I feel closer to. I don't think you should feel compelled to dance with him, especially if you've tried to have a relationship with him and he keeps ruining it. I obviously don't know the specifics of what particularly has transpired, so it's hard to really give advice, you have to decide what is right for you. The idealist in me wants to say maybe it could help build a bridge, but the cynic in me says "too little too late." Best wishes!
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VIP August 2013
MAMW · on May 3, 2019 at 3:00 PM
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As someone who's father hasn't been in their life since they were a teenager, it doesn't matter if your mom or even your dad think that you should dance with him. If YOU don't think he's earned that, then he doesn't get one. A parent can't just abandon their responsibilities and then expect to be honored at their child's wedding.
My opinion is that if you don't want to do the dance, don't do it.
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on May 3, 2019 at 3:06 PM
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Completely agree. Don't worry about what your mom or anyone else thinks - do what makes you happy. In your post, it really doesn't sound like you want to dance with him.
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VIP June 2019
Future Mrs. K · on May 3, 2019 at 3:06 PM
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Exactly this
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Savvy October 2020
Rosa · on May 5, 2019 at 12:21 AM
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I went to a wedding once were the bride had a mother daughter dance (same situation) I’ll never forget how special I thought that was!

I did not know her story ( I was a plus one)
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on May 6, 2019 at 2:34 AM
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My Biological Father is NOT invited. He was asked to leave my Mother’s Funeral. I am not going to pretend that we are a normal family to make other people happy, for even one day or four hours of my life. I would have had my Mom walk me and dance with her if I could. She will be well represented in the room though. At the end of the day, how you start is how you finish most of the time. So, I plan to start my married life happy, not with lies.
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