Engagement ring problems

Is it actually the same ring or just look like it?

Mim, it is EXACTLY the same. It is from a bigger box store and the band and the engagement ring are IDENTICAL.

I'm sure that this is frustrating for you. Can I ask why there's so much bad joojoo associated with it? I'm sure there was some kind of falling out between your friend and her ex, obviously, since they are no longer in a relationship. But how does that affect you and your relationship with your FH? Many women wear the same rings, and if I genuinely liked a ring, I personally wouldn't care if someone else had worn it. That being said, if you don't actually like the ring, then that's another issue.

Again, that's my personal view on it, but if it is really upsetting you then it couldn't hurt to talk honestly and gently with your fiancé over it. Just be sensitive and use tact, I know that when my ring was too big I had to very gently ask FH to resize it.

Hi Nisa, her ex cheated on her and left her. My current FH hated him and isn't fond of her (she's not the brightest bulb in the bunch). I mentioned multiple times that I did not like the ring when they were together... and he did too.... I do not like square shaped stones, always wanted an oval or a round stone.

Hi Hannah! Welcome to WeddingWire and congrats on your engagement!

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Perhaps bringing this up with him will help, since you are feeling so strongly about this current ring. Like you just said above, you could express how much you FH & his proposal means to you and how thankful you are for anything he gives you, but being honest about your feelings that this ring gives you a negative association.

Just tell him. You need to be honest about this stuff if you want a successful marriage. The association is fair and explaining it to him would help him understand the issue, it’s not an example of you not liking everything he’s given you but you have specific negative associations.

THAT said, as long as it’s not literally your friend’s ring (it read this was initially in hour post— but I think you mean it’s the same ‘make and model’ not the ONE arhat was on her finger)— a ring style doesn’t have bad juju and won’t effect your marriage. I’d say to get over that, but I think the greater issue is you just don’t actually like the ring.

Just be totally open and honest with him— he’s going to be your husband , so you’ll have to get used to doing a lot of this !

Also if HE is not willing to hear you out and change, this is another problem: he should have your best interest and happiness as priority here. My husband picked out my ring on his own and asked me for MONTHS if I really actually liked it and said several
times we could change it if I didn’t really truly love it— any man that feels otherwise needs a bit of a reality check.

View Quoted Comment So it's not actually the same ring. It's just a similar style. That changes the way I'd handle it. I would gently let him know that while you love that he purchased you a lovely piece of jewelry, you just aren't comfortable wearing it. Ask if you could go and choose something else or even have a custom made ring created using the same materials.

Had it actually been the same ring, I would have pulled a "dude! What were you thinking? You don't even like either of them. Why did you buy the ring from them?"

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Agreed! While I do think you are being a bit overly superstitious about it, bottom line is that you do not love the ring.

We hear all about the grand proposals on this site, but I am SOOOOO happy my husband and I picked out my ring together. I never would have been able to hide the fact that I didn't like my ring and I would feel horrible about it. I love a man that can recognize his strengths and weaknesses and know that this one was better left to us as a team rather than him alone.

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If he doesn't like either of them, if you mention to him that you associate the ring with them, he may agree that you should exchange it! Don't feel bad, if he loves you he will understand.

My FH used to tease me because I never liked any presents he got for me either, so now for my birthday he gives me a price limit and we go shopping together and I pick something out for myself haha. Some people are hard to shop for (me) and some people just aren't great gift-givers (him, lol). It used to be frustrating for us (he was frustrated that I never liked his presents and I was frustrated that he couldn't get me anything I liked) but we've learned that everyone has different love languages and strengths, and gift-giving is just not his forte

If your FH doesnt like this guy who gave his ex the same ring, I feel like he should be more understanding of the situation. Does he know that this is the same ring? I would just tell him that because it is the same ring, when you look at it, all you think about is your ex friends who are no longer together and you want to think of your FH when you look at your ring. If it was purchased from a big box store, you should be able to easily exchange it, especially since you havent had it that long. If your FH gets mad about this or acts out of the way after you explain that this is the same ring and how it makes you feel, then you have bigger issues to deal with than just a ring. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I think you should talk to him about it as communication is the single most important thing.

But I can see his point too in this. If you do exchange everything he gets you, I'm sure he feels that. Flip it the other way around, what if he returned everything you got him, and on the biggest purchase of your life, he went 'meh, I want something else' - you would feel defeated too.

Is there a reason that you need to exchange everything? My FH gets me stuff that I'm not a huge fan of all the time, but unless it actively doesn't fit as clothing, I wouldn't return it. (My grandmother greatly frowned upon it and called returning or regifting gifts 'tackier than wet paint on a Florida summer day' - (don't ask, she was a little crazy)) I see how happy it makes him that I'm wearing something he bought me and I like it because of that. The biggest example would be this pair of pearl stud earrings which are now my favorite earrings even though I don't like stud earrings or pearl jewelry.

View Quoted Comment Ya know, since I read your comment, I absolutely agree with you and take back my original opinion. Several things my FH have bought me that I don't care for, but I don't want to hurt his feelings because the way he feels is more important than the item. And several times I have grown to love an item just because he got it for me and I know he purchased it with me in mind. So I agree with you.

OP, maybe consider riding it out and see how it feels. Know that he purchased the ring with you in mind and that this ring is in no way related to your ex friends. Make it your responsibility to attach positive vibes to the ring instead of automatically pushing it away. And show your FH that you appreciate his gift (after all, an engagement ring is NOT a requirement) and are proud to wear something he got for you!

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Definitely talked to him immediately after posting this. It was physically making me sick every time I looked at the ring from all the bad memories my friend and I had over the divorce. We had a little bit of an argument over it (its just a ring and I was being a little too superstitious, etc) but ultimately he told me it was something that represented us as a couple and that he wanted to make me happy.

I know it is going to be a sore issue for a little bit, but he is still super excited about getting married and was already signing up for registries without me lol.

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Hi Valerie. He just is a bad gift giver, ha! He just goes for what seems to be the opposite of me. The biggest oopsies was the white and baby blue work tennis shoes he bought me... I worked at a hospital as a CNA and anything white or light colored gets destroyed in half a second in our house. Another year he got me a handgun that was too small for my man hands. I try my best to love anything he gives me, but most of the time it doesn't fit or just won't work. Unless I send him stuff, he usually gets exactly the opposite of what I want or what fits me.

We had never talked about engagement rings for any extensive amount of time, and certainly never looked. Being the typical woman, I had my dream one on Pinterest and any of my FSIL's or MIL could have shown him something that I wanted. I get his side- it was thoughtfully chosen, but we had just never talked about engagement stuff, I was content with how things were. But, we figured everything out and I cannot wait to marry him

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Gen, I am SO glad it isn't just us lol. I will never not send exactly what I want to him.

View Quoted Comment Aw, I'm glad you all are able to work through things! It is so sweet that he is signing up for registries already without you, that shows he really loves you and is super excited to get married. It looks like you have got yourself a keeper! 😉💖