Engagement Ring Craziness

My best friend wanted a ruby or a red gem but her husband got her a white stone and in the end she loved it. so you know what, you never know, you may also love what he picked out

I agree with Melle. You may love what he has picked out.

I've always been of the opinion that an engagement ring is a gift and you it's rude to dictate what you get. Your partner has taken the time to design a ring custom made for you. I would just try to let all expectations go and be excited about what the ring symbolizes. My ring wasn't what I had wanted either (I wanted a solitaire princess cut with a single row of micro-pave diamonds on the shank). I got 3 round diamonds (1 primary and 2 smaller side stones flanking either side) with a double row of micro-pave diamonds. I still love it because it is what my husband picked out. And to be honest, I barely ever wear my engagement ring anymore unless we go out somewhere (which is never due to Covid).

Are you sure he's not just trying to throw you off? Either way, I agree with others who said that he's taking the time to customize a ring for you, and that's what really matters in the end. And you may end up loving it more than what you originally envisioned!

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Thanks guys! I guess i'm just freaking out.. you all are right though!

I think you come across as ungrateful. And given that diamonds are far more expensive than other stones, you would be suggesting he pay a whole lot more money for a gift for you, than he wanted or intended. Love the gift he is giving you. Not something not being offered to you. Many many people's engagement rings are not diamonds.

Maybe he’s joking because he knows you want a clear stone. Because why would he tell you about a ring but not just give it to you instead? I think he’s having fun and messing with your head. 😄

Would you be hurt if you spent your time, energy, and money designing a custom piece of jewelry to show your boyfriend how much you love him and then he told you he didn’t like it and would prefer something else instead?

I would wait until you see the ring, if you don't like it then sit down and have a discussion with him. If you're planning on getting married then you have to be able to have these types of discussions.

Before my husband proposed, he talked with me about the ring process as well. We sat down together one day and went through all sorts of rings on Pinterest and I told him what styles I liked and didn't like, and let him take it from there.

If we hadn't, he would've probably gotten something gaudy that I wouldn't have liked. (He actually had something like that in mind, mentioned it to his dad, and his dad was like... 'Are you sure she'll like that?')

He ended up working with a company to customize a ring and I loved it! He is very proud of the job he did, and should be, but I'm glad he took my style into account.

I would definitely wait and see, because there truly are so many beautiful ring styles, settings, stones, etc. and you will hopefully fall in love with it!

I suggest waiting until you see the ring! We all have this vision in our head of what our 'perfect ring' looks like, and often times we fall in love with a design that we normally wouldn't bat an eye at! He seems very excited for this custom ring, and must be pouring a lot of love into the process, so give it a chance.

My FH proposed to me with his mom's old wedding ring, which crushed me at first because I had saved all of these gorg rings that I had fallen in love with. Come to find out, he wanted to take his and my mother's wedding rings and create a new one! Now I look at my ring and remind myself that it's custom, full of love and sentimental value, and I love it!

I'd suggest browsing WeddingBee - you're likely to find much better advise on this topic, it's a common one on the boards there.

Yes, absolutely tell him how you feel about a diamond or white stone. He disregarded what you said you wanted, you're the one who's going to wear it every day for the rest of your life. It's not like you didn't say any preferences and aren't happy with the outcome. It's better to tell him now when there is time to change is before receiving it, otherwise the conversation is a lot more challenging. Also, once it's made, it likely isn't returnable. Talk to him!!!!

I favor telling him as well! On the flip side, he himself would want you to be perfectly happy with your ring right? Yes it is his gift to you, so yes he should definitely want it to be your vision as much as possible since you are going to have this gift for a lifetime. His feelings shouldn’t be hurt if you remind him of your preferences, it’s still his design and creation so he can feel just as much proud of it. Just tell him sooner rather than later before the ring is complete.

My FH proposed without a ring, because I was insistent that I didn’t want a white diamond or gold & he didn’t know what to do instead haha. I initially didn’t want one at all, but he said that he really wanted to give me one. We later designed it together, but to be perfectly honest—that made it really hard to be like “yes, this is the ring I want.” There are so many options & so many combinations, all equally beautiful! In the end, he said that this would have been the ring he would have picked out, & I immediately felt so much more excited by it thinking about my ring as a gift that he ultimately chose.


I think it’s easy to get caught up in “the perfect ring,” but the perfect ring is really a combination of budget, available options, & emotions—way more so than the actual appearance or make up.

My fiancé purchased a ring with a different stone than a diamond just because of cost. I think it is important for you to try being happy with what he is giving you because he put time and effort into it and thought you would actually like it. However, your wedding band does not have to be the same as your engagement ring. So if you still don't like your engagement ring by the time you are thinking about a wedding band, then maybe purchase a diamond band then?

Yes a ring is a gift, but it's the one gift you're expected to wear every single day, in a very visible spot, and everyone will want to see it. You don't get to tuck it away in your jewelery box like any other piece you don't like.


There are many clear alternatives to diamonds. Moissanite, white sapphire, lab diamonds. If I had made my preferences clear, and my bf blatantly disregarded them, I would have been upset. The whole point of a gift is to get the recipient what they'd be happy with, considering your budget. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide what you wear.
I'd gently talk to him and be very clear. Be prepared to pitch in for the extra cost, if any.
If you knew your boyfriend wanted a rose tattoo for his birthday, and he wanted you to surprise him by picking the design, would you tell the tattoo artist to do a skull instead, because roses are too expensive? No, you'd pick the closest thing to a rose design within your budget, or tell your bf that you can't afford any of the roses, would he be happy with something else?
DH hates diamonds. He made it clear that he wasn't paying for a diamond in the size I wanted. His solution was not to pick a visibly different stone on his own. We both researched moissanite, went to the store to see them, and mutually agreed that this would work for us.

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I agree with this advice, as well as with Chantelle and Katie. Tell him sooner rather than later that a white stone is the ring of your dreams--tell him now before it's too late and he designs something non-returnable. If budget is the issue, there are plenty of other white stones besides diamonds he can get.

I disagree with most of the early replies on this thread; I don't think you come across as ungrateful.

If you told your boyfriend you wanted a white stone, and he outright disregarded that, that's not good. Yes, the giver of the gift makes the selection, but anyone who has ever given a gift before knows that when you select a gift you select it with the recipient in mind. If my friend tells me she likes merlot wine, it is not useful or right for me to say "eww, I don't like merlot, I am getting her something I prefer instead".

If the ring/stone you want is out of his budget, then you should offer to cover the differences or be flexible to find an option within budget. But I notice you didn't insist it be a diamond, you are open to other clear stones as well. That is perfectly reasonable imo. You should talk to him.

I agree with the opinions that while it is a special gift to be grateful for, you are the one who will be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. I think being disappointed at the style of a ring is maybe a little “ungrateful” but I completely understand being disappointed by a different colored stone if that isn’t what you want because it’s definitely a different style not meant for everyone! However I also agree that maybe he’s just trying to throw you off? Everyone is different but if I told my fiancé I wanted one specific thing in particular he wouldn’t deviate from that.

View Quoted Comment Awww this is so sweet! I love that your ring is custom-made for you, but still incorporates a family heirloom