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Just Said Yes May 2020

Engagement Party. We don’t one and just found out ...

Carrie, on December 1, 2019 at 5:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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So my FH and I have been engaged for over a month now. We are doing a destination wedding and specifically asked to not have an engagement party or bridal shower.


We are getting married in less than a year from our engagement date. Within seven months to be exact.
I just found out my FH’s sister is throwing us a surprise engagement party in a month and a half ... so we will have been engaged for almost three months and everyone going already knows we are engaged.
We made sure to personally celebrate our engagement with our family and friends on separate occasions and how we wanted to do it.
We are frustrated that this is happening but do not know how to approach it. Although a kind and thoughtful gesture, we have been very adamant we do not want these mini celebrations prior to our wedding and yet it seems his sister just won’t listen to us.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Julie, on December 2, 2019 at 3:13 PM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Is everyone invited to this wedding or able to make it? I get your frustration but sometimes when people can't attend weddings they want to have some celebration for those they love. You have two options :tell her thank you but you don't want one or just let her throw one on your behalf. Maybe ask why is she throwing one when you two weren't planning to have one. Do you and her get along?
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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Carrie ·
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    For the destination wedding we have invited a very small number of people. We are throwing a larger celebration a month afterwards back home for everyone else that either wasn’t invited to the destination (we wanted strictly close family and friends) or were invited but unable to make it.


    Her and I do get along but since getting engaged there has been some drama (she told his mom we got engaged before he could tell his mom). We moved past that and apologizes were said.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Oooooh. I hope she is not doing this to be problematic. I hope no more drama happens from her because of course we all want to get along with our in laws. Well since you are throwing a larger celebration that should be enough. Did she officially invite people to the engagement party? Did you or her FH why she decided to throw one?

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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Carrie ·
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    She did already Facebook invite people ... and everyone attending are people we have already celebrated with.


    Part of me thinks she is doing this so she feels better about what happened. And although a thoughtful gesture ... because neither one of us want this we feel it is more for her than us.
    We haven’t asked her because it is supposed to be a “surprise.”
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I would suggest to just let her do it. I think at this point people have been invited and if you guys cancel it people may wonder something wrong happened between you two and she may take it the wrong way. I get how you two feel and ultimately you two make the final decision but I would suggest you two discuss and decide is it worth causing issues over it. Good luck and I am sorry this is happening.

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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    While I understand the frustration and would otherwise agree with you (ie. If you didn’t want a birthday party and they threw you one anyway) this is a wedding. People go crazy for weddings, and like you acknowledged, this is a kind gesture. While she should have listened to your wishes, it would be extremely rude of both of you (and possibly hurt your relationship with her) if you asked her to cancel it.
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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Carrie ·
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    I agree. You make a good point that people are just going to go crazy and do what they want. I suppose we should just try to control what we can and let whatever happen ... happen!
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    That’s a great mindset! Control what you can control, and otherwise let it go. Smiley smile
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'm sorry she refused to listen to both of you! I would just go, nonetheless. It would make both of you look bad if you didn't attend a party thrown in your honor - and you're definitely not rude!

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I'm sorry she isn't respecting your wishes! If anything, go for the free food haha Smiley smile

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  • Julie
    Dedicated February 2020
    Julie ·
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    Personally, I hate engagement parties and surprise wedding events. It puts a lot of pressure on the couple, as attendees will be expected to be invited to the wedding. Unfortunately, I think you have to grin and bare it. If the guest/wedding invitation situation is worrying you, keep in mind that guests have to understand they were invited as a surprise, not your direction. If anyone asks you about it, be honest with them. "We have elected to have a very intimate destination wedding with only a few people."

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