Engagement Party turned Surprise Wedding!

Congrats on making a decision! That's super exciting. For assign tables, is would think something was up if I showed up to engagement party and there were assigned tables. If you can get away without it this is probably the one distance where I think it does make some sense. But it will.make seating easier.

For gifts, there’s no way to include something about gifts on your invitations without seeming tacky/rude. I would recommend just registering and if people want to buy gifts they will do so after the wedding.

That sounds like a unique idea. My only warning is that some guests may arrive late because they think it’s just a party.

I would have a seating chart, there is nothing wrong with that for any party.

You can't ask for gifts. An engagement party isn't really a gift giving event. Usually people bring small things if anything. I think this is just one of the consequences of doing an event like this: you probably won't get as mnay gifts. But we don't get married for gifts, right?

I would also forewarn, you might have some very upset guests/non-guests. People turn down an engagement party invite thinking it isn't a big deal but they wouldn't turn down a wedding invite. You might have people that are upset after the fact (seen it on here).

I think the previous answers have covered most - just want to echo that I think this is a fun idea, BUT doing it this way you will have to forego things, mostly gifts because engagement parties are not gift giving events. I think it's fine to register, but there's really no way to let ppl know that if all they are getting is an engagement party invite (it's rude to put registry information on the invitation).

Also, unless I was local and it just happened to be a convenient day/evening for me , I would not attend an engagement party. I personally just don't think they're a big deal and highly doubt that people would travel or go out of their way to attend. I would expect some hurt feelings from people who WOULD have traveled if it was a wedding.

I think one thing you absolutely shouldn't do is start telling ANYONE that this will be your wedding. I think it should be an all or nothing secret.

I would be careful with this...because it's "an engagement party", some people might not prioritize it and could end up missing it, then be upset later. I also wouldn't set aside a whole bunch of time for an engagement party, maybe a few hours tops, so of you're hoping for people to stay you'll have to find a way to word the invite so they don't plan to leave quickly.

As for tables, if it's small and casual I think your guests would be able to find seats themselves (that way it wouldn't ruin your surprise).

I agree with pp on gifts, don't say anything about gifts on the invite. Usually someone hosts an engagement party for you because it is a gift-giving party. Just like any others, it's considered tacky to ask for gifts in an invitation.

Thinking about it now, getting an invitation from the couple for an e-party would be weird to me.

Welp, after reading above responses I guess gifts for e-party depends on where you are from..

View Quoted Comment We got some gifts at ours but they were small things like a ring dish or a bottle of wine or a wedding planning book. Definitely not on the same scale as wedding gifts.

I agree with a couple of the above posters that there could be people who would really love to see you get married that wouldn't really prioritize an engagement party and miss it. I know depending on who it is, I would travel for a wedding but probably wouldn't travel for an engagement party. I think it could be a fun idea of you're not worried about people missing it!

Thank you for all the feed back. Definitely not getting married for the gifts. A coworker of mine actually brought the question to my attention when I told her my plans. We will already be living together by time the day comes, so we are not in need of much anyway. Our plan is to start the party at 5 PM. There will be appetizers and a few things for people to do during that time. We will show up around 5:45, gives us time to get some private pictures taken before the party. 45 minutes should allow enough time for people to get there , even if they’re running late.

I also plan to include “prompt” before our start time so that guest know to be on time.

Luckily, all of our guests live in the same state, so we are fortunate enough to not have that worry. That would definitely be a challenge if we did.

I would think it was suuuuuper weird if I showed up to an engagement party (I'm always very punctual, if the invite said 5, i'd be there right at or right before) and then the couple who's party it is isn't even there. Can you get pictures done from like 4-5 and be there to greet your guests? idk, I just think that would strange - especially if you two are the ones actually throwing the party.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Engagement parties aren’t super common in my circle, but those who have had them have been there for the entire party. I’ve never heard of guests of honor not showing up (for any party, even when a surprise) 45 minutes late.

So fun! We watch Parks & Rec and always love the episode where April and Andy get married at their dinner party turned surprise wedding. We often wanted something like that, small and intimate and perfectly us.

As long as you don't have a lot of out of town guests and the people you absolutely want there are available, go for it. Perhaps opt to have all your photos done beforehand so you cab maximize your time with your guests.
However if the idea is to make a grand entrance then I feel that you need to take it one step further and have someone throw you the surprise engagement party. But the jokes on everyone since it's actually a wedding. That way your fiancee can bring you in. So many ideas.

We had a brunch wedding and we had all our photos taken before 11:30am. The party began as soon as people arrived-- we were there from start to finish. We had a "pop up" ceremony but it wasn't a surprise.

Alternatively if you're doing your own hair and makeup, go to another room and get ready while your groom does and then have the ceremony when you come together. Then you can exit for a few photos and carry on.

Excited to hear how this all comes together! Definitely think about the guests and be in their shoes while you plan. Cheers!