Engagement party to surprise wedding

I thought I’d first clarify a few things before I answer your question. There is no requirement to host any pre or post wedding events (engagement party included) nor do you have to have a long list of people invited if you don’t want that. Having a big engagement party (where you will be the centre of attention) seems a bit counter-intuitive as you’d essentially be having a few elements which you specifically mentioned you would rather avoid, at least if it were a wedding.

Ultimately, if you want to go ahead with a surprise wedding, it is your prerogative and there is no harm in it if that’s what you want. However, I certainly wouldn’t put anything on the invitation about this being your guests’ ‘chance’ to celebrate the wedding. It is rude to invite people to an engagement party but not the wedding and I honestly think you will offend a few people by suggesting on the invitations that not everyone would be invited to the wedding (even though it would end up becoming your wedding).

I LOVE suprise weddings! But , (Sigh)... I've never attended one, yet. A relative had one a few years ago, and they loved how it turned out. In their case, they had just bought a house together...everyone knew that marriage would soon be announced. But instead of the traditional route - they chose to host a "dinner party" for their closest loved ones and I'm guessing a couple of friends (maybe 20-30 in total?). Sometime before dinner (catered), they snuck away..changed their clothes and came down the stairs to music playing and met their officiant in front of their fireplace. The pictures of the expressions on their guests faces were awesome! Instant excitement in the air! In their case, guests were all within a 15 minute drive to their house, so long distance travel was not an issue. I don't think any of the family not in attendance were offended - I was thrilled for them and kinda jealous of what they managed to pull off!

I love reading others' stories who have gone this route and I definately see the pros for bride/grooms who want to avoid the stresses of wedding planning. ( No constant questions about your plans and details about the venue.. cake ..dress.. guests.. flowers etc..) If I was planning one I would only allow the bride and groom's parents in on the secret, to avoid hurt feelings (if they can be trusted). I think the most successful suprise weddings are planned to take place either within a couple of months of the engagement announcement, or even better - when the couple doesn't even announce the engagement before the wedding.

Because many people are aware of engagement parties turning into surprise weddings... I'd do some thinking on coming up with another way of gathering your guests... Parent's Anniversary party? Bride or Groom's Birthday? Holiday party? Work promotion? Graduation? House Warming Party? etc.... And I agree with those above who think that you shouldn't suggest that you are having an engagement party for those who wouldn't be invited to a future wedding... won't sit right with the guests.

When important guests decline because it is not a "wedding", the bride and groom may have to get extra creative on how to get those guests there. That said, the only downside I read about is that in most cases there will be the inevitable no show because the guest isn't putting that much importance on the "event". Another con is that some people will be disappointed that they were not invited. Personally I think if you truly have the people most close to you present - this isn't a big deal. You explain that you and groom wanted a low key affair and couldn't invite everyone you care for and that you appreciate their well wishes for your future (better worded but you get the idea).

Good luck with your wedding - no matter what path you choose to take!

I also love suRprise weddings..... placing myself in poor spelling jail for the night. Ugh.

I want to echo another person's point:

If I were invited to an "engagement party," I would not take time off work to attend. That simply isn't a major enough event to warrant my vacation time, no matter how close I am to the person.

Be aware that many guests may do the same.

It would be a good way of limiting the guest list, but you may have to do some prodding that would let people in on what's up if someone you really want present were to opt out since they think it is only an engagement party.

I agree with everyone that though this might sound good hypothetically, the logistics and realities (people choosing not to attend an engagement party) negate any potential benefits.

But I really wanted address your reasons for wanting to do this: "I don’t want to drag out our engagement and the cost of several events. I also don’t want a bajillion people at my wedding. I’m not into being the center of attention for that long." You can have a wedding that includes/doesn't include all of those things. Truly. You can have a short engagement with no pre-parties. You can have a small guest list. You can have a low-key wedding where you don't feel completely in the spotlight the whole time.

I promise, it's possible without the subterfuge of a surprise wedding.

I'm having a surprise wedding in late June. My Fiancé and I are using the guise as our birthday party, because we share the same birthday! We both have been married before, and we really want a low-key affair with just family and a few friends. I think it is a great way to skip all of the stress of a traditional wedding with all the pomp and circumstance. I wish you the best!

This sounds fantastic! Please post when all is said and done to let everyone know how it went!

I sure will!