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Alh728
Savvy December 2015

Engagement party or no?

Alh728, on January 7, 2014 at 2:23 PM Posted in Planning 0 24
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Hello all!

I am curious on everyones thoughts regarding the following: No one has offered to host an engagment party for my FI and I as of yet (almost 2 months post engagement). However as it seems to be customary to have one (and also being we are assuming most/all other wedding costs considering our families don't have much to contribute at all) i figured i would proceed planning a small party myself to celebrate. Nothing crazy-cocktails and appetizers at my moms house to keep expense low. However users of "The Knot" are telling me thats tacky and if no one offers to not do it. Yet i have other friends (human not via social media LOL) who said they know several brides who have thrown their own so they didn't see why that would be an issue. I am just stuck now trying to decide weither or not i should and i am just curious of everyones opinions.

24 Comments

Latest activity by Latoya , on May 2, 2018 at 6:48 PM
  • MissMadeline
    Master June 2014
    MissMadeline ·
    • Flag

    I say don't do it.

    Not everyone has an engagement party. It's not that common in my family/social circle.

    • Reply
  • Theresa Beale
    Master November 2014
    Theresa Beale ·
    • Flag

    I was in a similar situation. Typically engagement parties are a good way for the couple's family can meet one another as well as introduce the wedding party to one another. However, no one offered to host one. As I had no place to have a party (our apartment is a TINY 1 bedroom) and have always heard it's "tacky" to have host your own engagement party, I had a party that I called a "Family and Wedding Party Meet and Greet" at our local zoo. I wanted something unique and casual but wanted everyone to get to spend some time together while enjoying themselves.

    • Reply
  • P
    Super April 2014
    PurpleHairLover ·
    • Flag

    I don't see where it's a big deal. I did my own and just told everyone no presents so it didn't seem too tacky and it was nice! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Kelley
    Dedicated November 2015
    Kelley ·
    • Flag

    I'm in the same position as you recently engaged (congratulations btw) but since our families are in three different states it kind of hard to do one. My cousin had on a paid for it herself and found that it was a waste of money. But I don't see why not I fits just a casual dinner with family and your not going all out planning a big party. Good luck

    • Reply
  • Jae
    Master June 2014
    Jae ·
    • Flag

    We didn't have an engagement party, nobody offered and I didn't want to pay for it lol. But it wasn't that big of a deal to us. Also all of my family lives 12 hours away from me.

    • Reply
  • Kate
    Master December 2013
    Kate ·
    • Flag

    I didn't have an engagement party. you're not really supposed to throw your own

    however i like the idea of doing a meet and greet. can you just do that at your house or something? engagement parties imply gifts, which is why you're not supposed to do your own, but a"get to know you" removes that implication

    • Reply
  • Alh728
    Savvy December 2015
    Alh728 ·
    • Flag

    You have all been so helpful with this advice! I felt that users on the knot were very judgemental about the idea of me hosting myself telling me that if no one offered the bottom line was i don't get one?! Anyway-I think i'm going to combine all the ideas here-keep it the very simple/small cocktail/appetizer party with the immediate/close family as well as our bridal party and notate on the invites gifts not necessary. Thanks again & congrats/good luck to all! I see alot ya'll weddings quickly approaching-I hope it's everything you dreamt of! Smiley smile xo

    • Reply
  • TheFutureMrsPatmore
    Super September 2014
    TheFutureMrsPatmore ·
    • Flag

    His mom threw is a small dinner party over the Thansgiving holiday which was perfect. We are doing a wedding "Tee Off" instead of an engagement party. We want our friends who are in the wedding to get to know each other and well we just want to have a fun night with them so we are teeing off dyne wedding festivities with a round of pub golf! We will dress up in obnoxious golf attire and do a pub crawl with each place being a different "hole". There's a scoring method to this as well but since we are in our 30's I don't think anyone will be playing regulation style this time. I planned this for my brothers wedding and it was a blast. By the time showers/bachelor parties came around everyone had met so it was super fun!

    • Reply
  • TheFutureMrsPatmore
    Super September 2014
    TheFutureMrsPatmore ·
    • Flag

    Oh and we did have a dessert fondue night with my Matron, Maid, BM, a GM, FG & RB a few days after we got engaged...it was the whole BP except for the family members who live out of town.

    • Reply
  • L
    Master February 2015
    LetItSnow ·
    • Flag

    It's not like a shower where people are expected to bring gifts so I don't see an issue with giveing yourself an engagement party. Chalk it off as a way to introduce the bridal parties, parents and immediate relatives and give them a chance to get to know each other better before the wedding planning kicks into high gear.

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted June 2013
    Michele ·
    • Flag

    No one on the Knot was mean to you. They all told you the truth, it is rude and tacky to host your own party, and you have not been honest between both WW and TK. Lots of people frequent both sites. You said your mom was hosting the party, not you. You were "helping", and you also said that you ARE in fact wanting gifts and that is the reason for the E-party.

    Once again, it is rude to host your own party. And as you have been told, a engagement party is not important. Just focus your energy on planning your upcoming wedding.

    • Reply
  • winnipegwriter
    Master September 2015
    winnipegwriter ·
    • Flag

    We didn't have one. They're really not necessary. IMO, it's rude to host your own. I hate to say it, but I agree with the women on The Knot.

    • Reply
  • Officially Mrs. Walden
    Super March 2015
    Officially Mrs. Walden ·
    • Flag

    We didnt have one and are not going to (5 mo post engagement) . No one offered and we didnt feel like paying for it either lol. I dont think its rude to host your own. Make it a casual dinner and make it clear theres no gifts or anything needed.

    • Reply
  • RachelMarie
    Just Said Yes June 2016
    RachelMarie ·
    • Flag

    I have been engaged since this August and not even my sorority sisters have thrown a party for me, given my wedding is like 3 years away but I know that you might feel like you're being left out or uncared for. This is not the case, when I spoke to my friends and family, they just didn't really know it was a thing. So my plan is to host my own this summer. If you want a party then you go right ahead and host it yourself!

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Expert March 2014
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    We did a really casual engagement party that was planned by FH before he proposed. We just met our friends/parents at a bar (awesome venue where we're getting married) and we all hung out and celebrated. It was casual-people paid for their own food. Nothing about it felt strange at all. We didn't expect any gifts (I had no idea that was even a thing). Two people brought gifts though. If I were to do it again, I'd say no gifts.

    Just be absolutely positive that the people you invite to the party will be invited to the wedding. Plan your guest list carefully.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated April 2014
    Mo ·
    • Flag

    We are hosting a party for all of our wedding guests before our destination wedding. We decided to do this because FMILs offer of an engagement party came with strings (ie only his family and friends, none of mine, lots of guests not even invited to the wedding).

    Its against etiquette to host your own engagement party but you can just throw a party! We have called ours a 'Bowlo' (its being held at a bowls club) and we are hosting appetizers, drinks and a game of lawn bowls as a casual meet and greet for our friends and family.

    • Reply
  • cristina
    Devoted March 2014
    cristina ·
    • Flag

    In my mind an engagement party is just a celebration of the newly engaged couple. am i wrong? no gifts. no pressure. just fun.

    thats what we did. we opened up our house to all our friends and family. we made tons of food, had drinks, music, dancing. it was very casual and very us.

    i didnt, and still do not, think that was tacky. it was fun Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • KristenMeowza
    Master October 2014
    KristenMeowza ·
    • Flag

    I'm having one, but only with our closest friends that we know we are 100% inviting to the wedding. Peers only, no family members or older family friends. We told people to please not bring gifts, but asked everyone in our wedding party to bring a small dish or snacks. Our engagement was over 4 months ago and we are just now having a party because wedding planning and holidays got in the way. I say, if you want to have one go for it.

    • Reply
  • britt morgan
    VIP September 2014
    britt morgan ·
    • Flag

    We're not having one. i don't want to spend the money for one. Bridesmaids begged me to have a bridal shower, i'm not into it, but i said yes.

    • Reply
  • Kaegurl
    Master June 2014
    Kaegurl ·
    • Flag

    I don't think its customary to have an engagement party - I mean if you want to get a few friends together for dinner and drinks go for it.

    • Reply

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