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Just Said Yes October 2019

Engagement party instead of reception?

Vicki, on April 11, 2019 at 12:33 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

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My fiancé and I are doing a destination elopement in October. We’re paying for everything out of pocket and ourselves over the next 5 months which is quite hard. We’re set on the elopement but we want a party for about 50 to include our close friends. Since our elopement is Oct 13, it puts us having a reception a month later which I don’t really like and which gets really close to Thanksgiving. We’re also very doubtful we’re going to be able to afford a honeymoon without having some sort of loan.

So, what I want to do is have an engagement party in July and no reception. *Hopefully* get donations to our honeymoon fund page at the engagement party so we’d be able to have one. That would give us an idea of what we had to work with to be able to plan it in time and spread out the expenses a little more. So, my question is, is this tacky?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by MOB So Cal, on April 11, 2019 at 4:06 PM

Champion November 2016
LB · on April 11, 2019 at 12:37 PM
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An engagement party is traditionally not a gift giving event so I wouldn't count on any "donations" (are you a charity?). Also, typically anyone who is invited to an engagement party should be invited to the wedding. I'd be pretty turned off the find out you were throwing this party in hopes to get people to pay for your honeymoon but then weren't inviting those people to the wedding.
If you cant afford a reception, you don't need to have one. But this plan just leaves a sour taste in my mouth and your guests could potentially have the same reaction.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on April 11, 2019 at 12:43 PM
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Enjoy your elopement and postpone the honeymoon or plan one you can afford. You don’t need to have a reception if you can’t afford one or the honeymoon is more of a priority. Absolutely don’t have one to solicit gifts. Engagement parties are not gift giving events.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on April 11, 2019 at 12:44 PM
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I know that it is probably hard to elope and not celebrate with friends and family. However, that's what an elopement entails. Hosting any kind of party is going to cost you money. Maybe wait and throw an anniversary party and invite friends/family then. You can save up weekly for a honeymoon to occur at a later date. Many people wait to take honeymoons. Good luck!
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VIP May 2019
Mandy · on April 11, 2019 at 1:05 PM
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Have the wedding/honeymoon you can afford. If you have your honeymoon in a year, that's fine. Engagement parties aren't meant for gifts - they are just a celebration of you're getting married. It looks tacky (to me) to have an elopement, but ask your guests to come to a party and bring a gift, specifically monetary gifts because you can't pay for the honeymoon you want. Maybe just go on a small weekend honeymoon to celebrate then go on a bigger trip later. If you're traveling for your elopement, you could say that's your honeymoon even. Honeymoon funds are considered frowned upon by most.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on April 11, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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I think receptions are less tacky than engagement parties. An engagement party (to me) means I will be invited to the couple's wedding in the upcoming year.
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Devoted October 2020
Julie · on April 11, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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In my opinion, the other ladies are right- engagement parties aren't gift-giving events. Instead of a full-blown reception, have you considered a "cake and punch" type of event afterward? Its more intimate, a lot cheaper, and can be hosted in a variety of places less formal than a reception.
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Lady · on April 11, 2019 at 2:01 PM
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It is super tacky to invite people to a pre-wedding event that are not invited to the actual wedding. Also, engagement parties are not gift-giving occasions and it is rude to solicit cash gifts period, but especially for an event that has not happened and that they are not invited to. Why do you have to wait a month after your wedding to host a reception?
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on April 11, 2019 at 2:36 PM
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Aside from everything everyone already has said, if you are planning a destination elopement, wouldn't that also be a honeymoon?
I am also concerned about this comment: "We’re paying for everything out of pocket and ourselves over the next 5 months which is quite hard." If your budget is stretched to pay for your elopement, you should consider scaling it back. Definitely not worth going into debt for (you mentioned a loan for a honeymoon).
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Super July 2019
Crystal · on April 11, 2019 at 3:38 PM
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We had an engagement party. Only 6 people came and we didnt get any gifts lol
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on April 11, 2019 at 4:06 PM
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You asked, "is this tacky?" and I have to say, from my perspective, "YES!!!!" In your post, you've basically said you're hoping your "guests'" (who will not be invited to the wedding, so they aren't even guests) gifts will fund your honeymoon.... That is very tacky. If you do this, don't be surprised if your friends find it incredibly tacky. As pps have said, plan the wedding/elopement and honeymoon you can afford. If you can afford and want to host a reception for your friends, that's a separate choice. As long as you're hosting your guests without any expectations of how much they with gift you, go for it.
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