Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Jennifer
Just Said Yes March 2020

Engagement is off?

Jennifer, on July 18, 2019 at 1:22 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

About a month ago, my fiance abruptly ended our relationship with little explanation. I was, of course, completely shocked and had no clue what to do with my life as we had just bought a house and have 3 pets together. He quickly agreed to go to couples' counseling, even though at that point he didn't want to be in a relationship. Long story short, it seems that he felt pressure to jump into married life partially due to other people's comments and also some personal struggles with self-esteem. After our first therapy session together, we decided to be a couple again and he moved back in. Basically, most things are the same now as they were before this blow up, just without a ring and wedding date. I want us to be engaged again, but I have realized that I primarily just want to avoid having to explain the change to people. Things are going really well with us right now, but I know that we both lost ourselves and need to find ourselves before we can decide to promise our lives to each other again.


Unfortunately, we had already sent out save the dates, and our official relationship status on facebook is still that we're engaged, so people outside of our immediate circles don't know about any of this. How do we go about telling people that the wedding is off? I don't want to make a big deal out of it being cancelled if a few months from now, he decides that he does want to be engaged. Not sure if I'm just being naive and hopeful or if I should wait to make any public changes.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Melle, on July 18, 2019 at 7:26 PM
  • Jordan
    Expert September 2019
    Jordan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I would send a card to everyone who received a save the date letting them know. "We regret to inform you that our wedding has been postponed. We will be in contact when we have chosen a new date and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause." and leave it at that. Since you all are still together, I don't think you necessarily have to use the word cancelled.

    • Reply
  • Kiley
    Expert November 2019
    Kiley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I would give it a little more time before you decide or do anything. Your date was for March of 2020.. if by September/October you all are still in the same situation then announce it has been postponed. This will give you some time to work on yourselves and the relationship without the added pressure or emotions of postponing immediately.

    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy November 2019
    Kris ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with her☝️
    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You can just tell people you’ve decided to postpone the wedding. If you don’t want them knowing the real reason, just say that you want to save more money since you just bought the house. But don’t try and force him to hurry up and be ready to make that commitment to you. You deserve to marry someone who has no doubts about marriage. If he’s not ready, that’s ok. Just focus on what is important to your relationship now and hopefully everything will fall into place for you and this is just a bad case of cold feet.
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    As others have said, I would definitely contact those that got save the dates about the postponement. The first comment has a perfect statement. I would contact out of state people ASAP as they will be looking for travel and accommodations shortly.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2020
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm so sorry, but glad to hear everything is working out! I agree with this post!! You don't have to tell everyone all the details, just send a memo out about the postponement.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Just send a memo saying it's postponed and tell everyone you don't want to talk about it.
    • Reply
  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I agree with stating that the wedding is postponed. You can either do so now, or wait a bit to announce it. I feel like until you do, the pressure may still be on you two to try and force fixing things quickly. But it's up to you.

    As per the Facebook thing, you can just remove your relationship status entirely. When I did that several years ago, I don't think anyone had a notice, so I didn't really get any questions. I'm not sure if that will be the same way now, but you can look into it.

    • Reply
  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this.. you are under the year mark and you also don't want to rush and put strain on your relationship if he does decide to move forward with the engagement. I would sen it saying its been postponed not canceled because then you have a lot of questions to field and answer but postponed could be a number of things such as finances, work and so much more.

    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I think it's nice actually that you guys are taking time to mend your relationship and not just go back to how it was before and continue with the wedding stuff. Your relationship comes first before it. But I like what the others said about just telling people it's postponed
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics