Engagement Depression

I feel like this is, unfortunately, somewhat normal. At the end of the day, weddings are so expensive. No matter the bride or the budget, it can get overwhelming for sure. If it's out of your financial comfort to throw a large wedding, don't. You aren't obligated to have the huge party. All that truly matters is your marriage with your future spouse. The actual marriage ceremony looks different for everyone.

My parents got married halfway through college, told no one, and did it on a Wednesday at the courthouse in jeans and a sun dress. They celebrated 31 years of a very happy and healthy marriage just yesterday.

The celebration is just that, a celebration. Don't feel obligated to break the bank to meet a social standard if it doesn't fit your budget. But if it were me and I did decide to just sign the papers, buy a dress. It doesn't have to be an expensive one! But it will help you feel like a bride, I'm sure! You got it, girl!

It can be really overwhelming to start looking at things and your feelings are very real feelings that I think a lot of brides/couples have when they start looking. That being said, you can make a plan to make things affordable. For example, I put together an Excel spreadsheet of each venue we were interested in, their cost per person, what they offered for that price, if they included cake or if we had to get our own, if it included bar prices, any discounts they offered for off days, like doing a Friday instead of Saturday, and I totaled those together. Once I had the ones that I knew we could afford, we set up tours to see places and discuss their services. Many venues will actually include something or substitute something if you just ask! Our venue also explained their payment system, and I found out through this that we would be making a few smaller payments and 2 big payments. Knowing this, we started saving up any extra money we had and we can pay our next big payment in full with cash and still have some left over. It took me over a year, but we knew we could do it. You just have to really figure out where you are financially, if anyone is helping you remember to factor that in, and try to work out a budget that will work for you so you can have a wedding.

If that really fails, some people find a lot of enjoyment in just dressing up for themselves and having something casual, so it doesn't necessarily have to be horrible!

Hi! This is definitely a feeling I think a lot of brides experience when planning their wedding! You have this vision in your head and want it to be perfect, but once you see the prices, you lose the excitement, and here comes anxiety and depression...

Just know that there are tons of options out there! Many brides DIY now in order to save money. Instead of fresh flowers, faux flowers (silk, wood, etc.) are more affordable options. There are even companies that let you rent flowers for a cheaper price, or they send you the flowers and you arrange them yourself! Another tip is to ask vendors and venues if they offer discounts on off-peak season weddings. Since ours is a Jan. wedding, it's considered off-peak season, and our venue gave us $1000 off our package price! If I never asked her about that, we wouldn't have gotten the discount.

I can see your wedding isn't until July 2022, so you have a lot of time to save money up! My FH and I got engaged July 31 2020, and our wedding is in Jan. 2022. We started booking vendors early, and made sure they either had payment plans that were monthly, or didn't need the full payment till 2 weeks before our wedding. That way we have all these months to save up! I also suggest creating an excel spreadsheet to keep all expenses in check. That's been super helpful for me, and I can keep track of what vendors we have left to book, pay off, and how much we have left till we meet our budget cap!

Keep calm, breathe, and give yourself a break from researching. It can be overwhelming planning a wedding, but don't get discouraged!

One more thing!

My fiancé and I have a saying that really helps to not let the idea of the wedding cloud your vision of the marriage. Our wedding is on September 24th, but we often will say "I can't wait for September 25th", because we truly feel like the first day as husband and wife is far more important than the party.

I hope things start looking up for you!

You will notice you will go through these phases. This is all very new for you so it does get overwhelming. Hang in there. In a few weeks you’ll be on cloud 9 again

I do think this is common for a lots of brides. It is easy to watch reality wedding TV shows and see beautiful wedding inspiration pictures on Pinterest and set high expectations for your own wedding. Unfortunately, sticker shock sets in for a lot of people once they start actually planning. Micro weddings and elopements are having a major moment right now, and they can be gorgeous and romantic! If you cannot afford to throw the big, expensive wedding, maybe look into a micro wedding or a private romantic elopement! There is a ton of inspiration on Pinterest for both options.
If a micro wedding or elopement just isn’t for you, then I would either focus on just the three most important parts of your wedding and dedicate your finances to them, or you can always have a long engagement in order to save money for the wedding you really want.

It is normal! i remember there was a point where it just felt disheartening how much i was spending but i mean it was doable for me, it just was a realization that was like dam this is gonna cost HOW MUCH?

figure out how much you can budget comfortably and try to stay within it. you may have to compromise on some details

It is totally normal! My fiancé & I sat down & figured out budget & guest list. Then we went looking at venues & were shocked at the price! Back to the drawing board! Figured out a new budget & are mostly sticking to it.

I have been so impressed and amazed with the ingenuity of brides on this forum creating weddings on a tight budget...it takes some thinking outside of the box (off season, any day but a Saturday, brunch instead of dinner, bbqs, parks, community centers, diy flowers/decor, etc.).

I felt this way, and am sad to say I acted like a bit of a brat about it lol. I would suggest taking a step back away from planning for a few weeks. Then come back to it and come up with a new game plan that is more affordable to you. Really take your time planning it helps a lot.

Weddings are expensive. I knew that going in so we saved and budgeted accordingly.

However, there are ways to have less expensive weddings. You can DIY a lot of things, you can choose cheaper venues like parks or event halls, you can have a restaurant cater, you can buy your dress at a trunk show or buy used. You can also push your date back to allow you and your fiancé more time to save money.

Normal! I cried several times looking at venues and their prices. You will find ways to get creative. For example, we saved over 50% off the venue fee by having a weekday, off-season wedding. Some venues offered an affordable small wedding package for up to 20 guests. If you absolutely must invite 50+ guests, then a wedding at a church/temple at 2 pm followed by a cake & punch reception in their hall is quite affordable.

I think this happens to all of us who are paying for our weddings. We extended our engagement so we had more time to save for the things that were most important to us.

View Quoted Comment Love this!

This is totally normal! I was SHOCKED on how much certain things actually cost and I was like why.... LOL!
But do NOT feel discouraged. You can always find something cheaper, a nice alternative or find a compromise, and DIY certain things. Try your best to find a venue with a great package to eliminate from having to reach out to numerous vendors and starting from scratch if you don't want to deal with all of that.
Make sure you stick with a budget. Go through your list of how much you are willing to spend in certain areas.

I don't know what your budget is but I can say I have found that wedding resale shops do exist. While also any old classmate of mine found her dream wedding dress while we where in goodwill picking up stuff for Halloween one year. We looked at the dresses just for fun. Also if the price tag of more then $100 is to much. Maybe not get a white dress but a colored evening dress that you could wear to other events? So you get more then one day out if the dress? Even if you are just going to the court house it don't mean you shouldn't feel like a bride.