Hi everyone. So my FH proposed this past Saturday September 18th. But since then we have been very busy and haven’t told important people in our lives about our engagement. My FH is military and had orders to be at his next duty station by this past Monday September 20th. So after a long day with friends Saturday, we were packing and moving all day Sunday and had to be at our next station Monday. Unknowingly, a friend who was present at the time of our engagement posted it on Facebook and tagged my FH and myself in the post. My FH or I are not big with social media so didn’t find out about the post until Sunday evening when people started texting us asking questions. We have very important family that had not known yet, but found out from that post. Some people are upset they found out from social media and so are we because we weren’t given the opportunity to share it with people first. How do you forgive the friend to move on and how do you explain to family that you had no idea it was posted and that’s not how we intended for them to find out?
First, have a conversation with the friend. Explain exactly how you feel and how disappointed you are. It’s very rude to announce someone’s engagement on social media before they did and without asking so they were extremely out of line. Just have that honest conversation with them, take some time, and hopefully with time you can forgive them. It’s super rude but in the end it won’t affect your wedding or marriage. For the family, I’d reach out on the phone to every person you wanted to announce it to, and announce it. Say you’re not sure if they saw it on social media yet but that wasn’t the plan and this friend wasn’t supposed to say it before you did. Your reasons that you wanted to wait to announce to everyone make a lot of sense so as long as you’re honest I think people will get over it!
I think the advice that given above is good. If you can, have a talk to the friend. It can be hard to do but she should know that doing that is wrong and not ok to do to people. It is your story to tell and not hers so she shouldn't have said anything until you did. Just talk to everyone else as well and explain the situation to them. Hopefully they will all be understanding for you.
This is a double-edged sword assuming you did not ask your friend to not share or wait to share until you made an announcement. I doubt it was rudely intended as they were most likely just plain excited to share. It would have been nice of them to ask as well, but again you didn’t think of it or set boundaries to begin with.
I would apologize to those offended by it, explain what your intentions were & move on and celebrate your engagement!
I agree with Mrs.A… it sounds like clear boundaries were not set, and your friend had no ill intentions. It sounds like she was just excited for you and I’m sure she probably assumed that you had told your family over the weekend. This sounds like an honest (and very misfortunate) misunderstanding, and I would not blame your friend, hold a grudge against her, or in any way jeopardize a good friendship over this. I think the easiest way to address everyone who found out via social media, is by posting something on that platform that says you apologize the happy news leaked out before you had the opportunity to reach out to close friends and family to make the announcement yourself. But you and FH are excited to share the news with everyone and appreciate their understanding regarding the mixup.
There might not have been an announcement made to the people present that it wasn't their news to share, but this is just common sense. I would never post anything about someone else's life on social media. Your feelings are totally valid. I would mention it to the friend, call those who you want to "announce" it to and explain what happened, then try to let it go. There are lots of other things to be excited about coming up soon!
Did you ask your friends to not post anything on social media? Is it possible they didn’t know you wanted it private? If so, they didn’t do anything wrong. But if you asked them to not post about it and they posted anyway, I would need a genuine apology before being able to forgive them. I wouldn’t trust them with important info in the future, either.
It sucks but you can just tell your family the truth- that you were waiting to announce it to them but your friend leaked the news and you’re also upset about it. If your family is still upset with you about it after you explain what happened… then either they’re just immature and too selfish bc they can’t get over not being the first to know, or they’re emotional about you getting married and they don’t know how to act. My family had a lukewarm reaction to my engagement announcement and it turned out that they were just so surprised and didn’t know how to process it
If you didn't specifically tell people not to post it, then there is no reason to be upset about it. That's a very happy moment, of course people want to post and be apart of it. When we got married at our minimony we specifically had the officiant tell people to wait until we gave the okay to post. Without saying that, it wouldn't be fair to be upset about it if people didn't know.
If someone were out celebrating their engagement, I would assume their family had been informed. You didn’t tell anyone not to post, and it sounds like your friend was excited for you. All you can do is apologize to your family for then having to find out that way and explain why you didn’t initially tell them. It makes sense they are hurt but it isn’t your friends fault.
I also understand you are upset, but you will only be hurting yourselves if you allow this mistake to actually "ruin" your engagement. Do whatever you need to do to feel your feelings and then move past this. An engagement, and subsequent announcement, is such a small part of the whole marriage story. Focus on your future together.
I'm sorry but if you ask me this is where social media has thrown all manners out of the door. This was not your friends story to tell. I think this is very rude of your friend and you should definitely have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel and how upset your family got from this post.
As for family being upset with you, I get that but they have to know it was out of your hands since it wasn't your post.
This should all blow over without issue, don't let this put a bad taste in your mouth. Enjoy your engagement!