Engaged and now my friends are too

Why would you be upset about your friends being engaged I’d be happy for them?

Within the year between when we got engaged and got married, we had 7 friends/cousins get engaged and they all got married either within the 6 months before us or 6 months after us. It happens, especially if you’re at an age where it’s common to get married. There’s enough happiness to go around for all of you so I’d let go of whatever negative feelings you have around others getting engaged/married around the same time as you.

My fiance and I have our wedding 9/17/22, one of his groomsmen is getting married 10/8/22, another of his groomsmen is getting married 10/21/22, two good friends of ours are getting married 10/22/22, two of our other good friends are getting married 11/2/2022. My coworker just got engaged yesterday. The only "negative" feeling I had was how we'd afford them all right after ours lol. I am so excited to share this process with some good friends and I can't wait to celebrate all of it with them!

It's good that you recognize that your feelings aren't kind, friendly, or healthy. As long as you keep them to yourself, you are doing nothing wrong. But for your own sake, you need to do whatever it takes to get over this because you are going to ruin your engagement and wedding experience for yourself.

I can understand what you're saying a bit. I was totally surprised by both one of my cousins and a super close family friend getting engaged like a couple of months ago. My aunt informed me that my cousin's wedding is going to be smack in the middle of our date and the friend's, with the other dates being before mine and all three are within a month and a half of each other. However, my main concern was coordinating all of the events for 3 close weddings where all will have overlapping guests and how busy we'll be during the time everything will be going on. The only "negative" part was when my aunt thought they could just take all of the decorations I've been buying and planning for over the last year for my cousin to use in her wedding that will be only a week or two before mine.

Since you're aware that it's not really good of you to be thinking this way it's a good idea to try your best to drop it and focus on you. As others have said, there usually ends up being a time in your life where a lot of people you know start getting engaged and married, it just happens that you're also getting married then too. This is a great time to have two other friends to talk about weddings with! While you'll all have your own thing going on, at least you've all got a big milestone coming up and can help each other along the way.

Totally understand! My cousin was in a similar situation as you back when she got married in 2019. There was a lot of weird identical coincidences between her and a somewhat close friend. But one thing for sure is my cousin was engaged first, and got married first lol.
And you are not alone! Celebrate that you ladies are all engaged! Preparing for a wedding is such a beautiful and fun process. Don't think that one person is going to outshine you if that is what you are worried about. Oh, and if your friend has a similar ring style to yours just remember you were FIRST. She may not actually ever admit or acknowledge that, but that's probably because she is focusing on herself.
And for your friend being upset that your guys other friend was engaged before her is normal! But there is no particular timeline of when couples should and should not be engaged/married. Especially when it's a culture/religion thing. My now husband and I got engaged 4 years into dating. Married after 5 years. A friend of mine JUST got engaged not too long ago, but they have been together for 11 years!! So, again it could be 6 months or 11 years. When you find THAT person then you put a ring on it right? (lol). Main thing, everyone is different. And everyone has a different timeline. Try the best you can to focus on YOUR engagement hun! And if you need to reflect on certain questions then do so! that way you know how to address these situations. Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way? Am I not happy for them? Am I not happy for myself? Why am I so focused on them and not myself? Am I scared that they may take my ideas? Am I worried that they might upstage me?" Be honest with yourself so you can enjoy your engagement and then your big day.

CONGRATS HUN!

Reading your post and the genuine, warm tone I get from it, I think the kicker may be the virtually identical ring....like others have said, it's quite common for others to be engaged/married at similar times. The thing that jumps out from your post, though, is that someone else in your friend group got a virtually identical ring. If I were you, I think *that* would be the only "what in the world" part of this. However, I'll add this: if you're having a "what in the world" moment, imagine what the girlfriend, now fiance of your close friend is thinking. She may be thinking "oh, I really hope people don't comment on how similar my ring is to Beth's....she was the trendsetter, but I really want mine to be unique too!" But all in all, I think your post highlights an interesting aspect of wedding planning: our weddings, certainly, will be as unique to ourselves as we want them to be - whenever I attend a wedding, I always remember the unique elements to that couple. And even your wedding planning process - although it may coincide with someone else's planning process timing-wise, please rest assured that the two planning processes will be unique...unless you choose the exact same all-inclusive package from the same venue with virtually the same guest list, same dress, etc. Unless another couple you're close with chooses the same wedding day as you, I think you're totally fine. To illustrate my point, as a guest, I've never compared (or even much noticed) when two couples were engaged/married at similar times - for your overlapping guests, it'll be double the joy to celebrate!

I don't really know what to say, i'm sorry. i think i can kind of sense where you're coming from in that perhaps you don't feel as special since there's so many people around you having the same experiences? but i kinda feel like that's natural too though. for instance i'm in my late 20s and all i am ever seeing now are people getting married and starting to have kids because that's where people are just naturally at in their lives. be happy for whomever and where their lives are taking them and i'm sure they are the same for yours.

If my good friend was getting engaged after only 6 months of knowing her bf, I'd feel more concerned that they're rushing things and setting themselves up for failure.


This isn't a race

I kinda get the ring thing but wouldn’t it be exciting to talk about wedding stuff with friends???

Maybe it will help to look at the practicality here. Like surely you're not expecting everyone to put their lives on hold, right? What if someone gets pregnant or something else happens? You get one day. Not a whole year.

Ring styles are very trendy from person to person, particularly the halo style which is so popular. I don't know if your's is a halo, I'm just using an example. I'm sure you don't want someone choosing another style and living with it for life because you have a similar ring, right? It's not going to matter in 30 years or even in two years. It really won't.

I appreciate you have your feelings but maybe these thoughts will help.

I completely understand how you feel!!! After being with mine for 14 years (engaged for 13 of those years- we just never seen the importance of having a wedding or getting married) in February of this year we decided to get married and have our wedding since we were so grateful to have our parents with us after all that has happened with covid. You’d think that after all this time of everyone bothering us about getting married his mother (who after having 4 boys had claimed me as her daughter) would be so excited… but instead she decided in April of this year that it was a perfect time for her and her husband of 41 years to have an actual wedding! I was heartbroken, and it drove a wedge between us. (Their wedding was in September and was a whole mess, btw)
I know you might feel petty but I assure you it’s not wrong to feel how you do! You want everyone to be happy for your wedding and you don’t want to feel like it’s being shadowed by envy or competition. I don’t understand why people do stuff like this… but I can tell you that it sucks and you are not the only one that feels the way you do! My advice is to keep all of your plans TO YOURSELF and do not share any ideas with either of them. Every move you make pertaining to your wedding should be kept secret until the invitations go out.

View Quoted Comment In some cases it’s a coincidence and when that happens it’s easy to be happy for people! If my best friend got engaged and then I did I certainly would be so excited for her!!! But this is clearly a case of competition (one girl picked out her own ring and the other complained about not being engaged yet) and it is annoying to have to deal with that as a bride.

View Quoted Comment Great advice!

My wedding got postponed and I felt a tiny bit bitter about friends who already got to have their big wedding, bought a house and announced they were pregnant. And here I was still not even married.


-I could understand why you could be irritated, but I think you should try your best to move on and be happy for them. The bright side is you can all get married within a year or two of eachother and be in similar situations later down the road... house, baby?

Getting engaged and married is a monumental event in your life, but you need to be mindful that your friends and family do not put their lives on pause for you and your wedding. As thrilled as they are for you, your impending marriage and wedding will not stop your loved ones from getting engaged, getting married, getting divorced, falling pregnant and having babies in the lead up to and around your wedding.

It sounds to me like you feel like your thunder has been stolen and those feelings are valid but I wouldn't act on them nor voice those feelings because that would likely cause conflict you don't need right nor or want.

View Quoted Comment This is everything I would've said but better. Love this!

Your ring is unique to you because your diamond is unique! A lot of people have the same engagement ring setting (or very similar) because there are a few styles that are very popular and timeless and a lot of people like the same things, but it doesn't mean they're copying you. Also, every relationship is unique and everyone is on different timelines. There's nothing wrong with your friend's fiancé proposing after only 6 months of dating.

View Quoted Comment

I'm with you on this one 😅 We're getting married 8/13/22 but have been invited to 4 wedding before ours already. We already know we'll have to pass on one because we just don't have the enough vacation time left after taking off for our wedding and for our honeymoon. But that's still 3 we'll need to go to and 4 sets of wedding presents we have to buy 😖

One of my best friends got engaged before me and once I got engaged it was so much fun to plan and talk about our weddings with each other. If one needed help with planning in a area it was super helpful. Honestly once she got married I missed planning with her. We were in each other’s weddings so she of course helped me out when needed. Don’t look at it in a bad way cuz maybe you will have fun finding out each other’s ideas.