Kelsey
VIP September 2020

Ending a 1 sided friendship over stupid things

Kelsey, on November 4, 2019 at 9:34 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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So I have a bridesmaid, where it has more or less always been a 1 sided friendship. As in I'm always there for her but not the other way around. Last night though I feel like I hit my breaking point and I'm not sure I can continue with this. Bare with me working on about 3 hours of sleep because of this.

My friend messaged me about how much the government screws over illegal immigrants, she works with a bunch of people at a restaurant that are illegal. Then when on about how wrong our country is and how the military is always wrong. This really struck a nerve with me, because A. I'm a little bit more conservative in my view points not staunchy but I am and I have my reasons (so not looking for a fight on politics) I always have kept my view points to myself and just feel it is easier and best for friendships to agree to disagree and then move on and away from politics. Second, my FH and his family all have served in the military so I took offense to her saying that. I asked her to please not speak poorly on the military, as this bugs me and why. She just kept going about how wrong I am, and accused me of being racist. I have never equated my semi-conservative views with this. I feel she crossed a line. At that point I said lets just let this one go and agree to disagree for the sake of our friendship. She said no you have hurt me. Even though I never said anything bad about her or her views, yet she thinks its ok to say whatever she wants about mine and I have to be ok with that. I'm sorry but we can have different views and still respect the different view points. She told she me lost all respect for me.

I have always been there for her, listened to all her problems which is like a daily thing now. Yet when I have issues (not involving wedding planning, I don't even discuss that with her) she is never there for me. I think I am done with this. It's time to move on from this friendship, my FH agrees with me and thinks it would be best; since when she comes to me with her problems I take them on and my FH worries about me doing so. I'm so sad that this friendship is coming to an end but I think it might be for the best. So any advice on how to end this friendship or is it already over?

16 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    “I have given it a lot of thought and I don’t feel comfortable associating with someone who believes I may be racist. I think it’s time for us to move on from this friendship.” My first instinct would have been to tell her off immediately after she said that but I can understand why you didn’t.
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  • Sabrina
    Devoted April 2020
    Sabrina ·
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    You can say something along the lines that you think its best that you both take time away from your friendship since its becoming an unhealthy relationship. I would treat it like a BF/GF breakup. It will not be easy and painless, but you will have to rip the bandaid off. I wouldn't leave her hanging cause thats a feeling anyone deserves when a brief conversation can take care of it.

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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I recently had to “break up” with a best friend. It hurt. Felt like a divorce at first, but now I am so much happier. The negativity was affecting my entire life.

    just tell her politely that you can’t do it anymore. She will likely react badly but stand your ground.
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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
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    This person sounds like someone who can't be reasoned with, a very radical person in terms of her political views. The type of person who thinks if you don't agree with them, you're a racist, bigot, etc. Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do in how she sees the world, and unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that. She's immature and close-minded. Aside from this situation, she doesn't sound like a good friend to begin with. I think this was just what you needed to make the leap in deciding she isn't the type of person you want to be friends with. It sucks to lose people, especially close friends, but toxic relationships are always best to get rid of.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    You hit the nail on the head and this is exactly what my FH said. This is what has truly pushed me over the edge and I think I need to jump ship so to speak. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Yeah if it's anything like last night, I know this is going to end badly.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Oh I wanted to but I try hard to deal with her with kid gloves most of the time. But I think this was is just too much and I can't do it anymore. Last night was the first time I have ever disagreed with her. Usually I just say ok a lot to what she says, but this is truly not going to work for me anymore.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you! I will message/ talk to her later today. Still trying to clear some of the fuzz from last night. I have a feeling this isn't going to go well but I'm past the point of caring.

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    I would definitely drop this friend. It sounds like she went out of her way to say something that would strike a nerve and then insult you for not agreeing with her. She's probably not going to stop this behavior so I agree that the friendship probably won't last even if you guys do end up making up over this particular argument. It's very possible to be friends with people that have different views without insulting them, making assumptions or calling them names but apparently your friend doesn't see that. Plus, if this is a one sided friendship, she will make a terrible bridesmaid.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I agree, that's why I kept saying "let's agree to disagree" I went and looked I said it 5 times during the conversation. I try not to discuss politics with friends because it's just so messy. This behavior has been ongoing for awhile. My FH can't stand her, but doesn't want me swayed by his opinion but the way she acts and treats people really bothers him.

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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Okay.. soo my response has nothing to do with this post and sorry for anyone reading this thinking it might but sarah!! I love your quote on your profile picture did you have beaty and the beast at your wedding ? Just curious.. lol
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  • Suzie
    Devoted October 2020
    Suzie ·
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    I agree with Amber. It’s unfortunate, but I 100% believe in cutting off toxic relationships, and this is exactly what she sounds like. I can’t believe she had the nerve to say that to you, that in itself would be cause for me to cut her loose. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you. It was a long day. I messaged her eventually telling her I dont feel comfortable about this. She doesn't understand why 1 fight would end a friendship. Its because she insulted my character and integrity. Not like she didnt like my outfit. She doesnt understand why she was out of line. I just know I cant do this with her anymore.
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  • Suzie
    Devoted October 2020
    Suzie ·
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    Yea, people like that can’t be reasoned with. That is a huge insult and it’s not her place to “understand.” This is how you feel and she needs to just accept it. Kudos for sticking up for yourself and standing ground!

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thank you. I appreciate the kind words from everyone and the advice from everyone today
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  • K
    Expert September 2020
    Ka-Rina ·
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    I had a friendship I ended because of similar reasons. Instead of saying anything and potentially having to deal with a nasty reaction i just ignored her. She called me a bunch of times, left really angry voicemails (understandable) and that was it. It happened 6 or 7 years ago and honestly I'm so happy I did it the way I did it.
    This person was offensive and said really awful things to me and about me and about my family with a cover up of "caring". At some point enough is enough. At the end of the day i literally owed her nothing.
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