Emotional(vent/rant)

That's rough. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I don't have much in the way of advice, except to say that you should decide who you want to stand with you (as bridesmaids), if anyone, and FH should decide who he wants. It doesn't have to be a joint or mutual decision. The people you choose should be those nearest and dearest to you. You should never choose your bridal party out of obligation. That almost never works out well. So, if FH wants his siblings to be a part of the wedding party (on his side), he is free to do that. You shouldn't feel pressured to have them just because that's what FMIL wants. This is your wedding, not hers. And don't think that if you ask FSIL to be a bridesmaid that it will magically transform your relationship with this family. It won't, and it might make things worse, if they (FMIL and FSIL) don't approve of your choices. Keep that in mind when deciding who to ask.

That’s a tough situation! I think that groomsmen is a FH call, and if he wants his brother as a groomsman that’s up to him. I think the same applies to bridesmaids. If you don’t want his sister in the wedding, that’s up to you! From how the relationship sounds when you don’t see them often, giving her a role might just give her and your FMIL more ammunition to gossip about and just make things worse. I might suggest selecting the rest of your bridal party before making/informing her of your decision. If you already have a full bridal party, it might be easier not to be pushed into asking someone you do not want (That way they can’t be like “you need 3 more people, why can’t she be one of them?!” instead you could say something like “well we have 6 girls I’m really really close with and we really wanting to keep it an even number”)

You. Owe. Them. Nothing.

I am as Southern as they come and family is important down here, and we always say that you don't just marry your spouse you also marry their family, but in this case you need to employ the great Southern Tradition of Psychological Warfare. If they say something rude to you, instantly turn it around on them and say something along the lines of, "While I appreciate your opinion, tradition dictates that the bridesmaid are those closest to the bride and I simply don't consider us close. I do hope you understand." or something along those lines. Also, now is the time to tell your FH that it is his responsibility to speak to his mother and siblings on the acceptable treatment of his future wife now that ya'll are getting married. If you don't insist on this now, simply imagine what happens when you have children further down the road and FMIL says snotty comments around your kids?

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You could not have said this any better!!!!! agree 100%

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FH has recently since last weekend stood up for me. When I came over the house, his sister just ignored me and didnt say anything. FH went up to the mom and told her and FMIL told FH that shes been acting this way all week towards her(I guess they had a huge fight). Any way the next morning FH told his mom again that she has been stand offish and we are in the time frame of picking our bridal party and she has just been acting selfish and rude. He told her that we are on the fence about even considering her because how she has been acting. I don't know I am the way I am but I have never had a strong personality around them. Outside I am for the most part confident, but I got anxiety up the walls around them like afraid of saying something wrong or not doing the right thing. I wish his sister didn't act the way she did because I really and truly do want her in the wedding, because she would be considered family to me after. I just want to be treated the same way FH is treated at my house.