Emotional rollercoaster week…

Hi Antony, my heart goes out to you. My deepest condolences for your mom and congratulations on your wedding day. We share the same anniversary (married 8.14.20) ❤️ I can’t imagine the month you have had. Just want you to know I truly believe your mom was overlooking upon you yesterday and on all days going forward. You and your mom will always be connected spiritually and she will continue to inspire you throughout your life. Perhaps God made the timing of your wedding like this, to ensure your marriage began when you needed a hand to hold the most. All the best to you, your new wife and family ❤️

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother in law passed from cancer just weeks before our wedding too. I would suggest allowing yourself the time to grieve and remember her.

Losing a parent is a life-changing event all its own. I lost my father to cancer last spring.

My best advice is to simply let the feelings come as they do. Truly. My experience was that feelings were very unpredictable - one day I was smiling at his old photos, the next day those same photos sent me reeling into emotional agony from which I couldn't be consoled.

Let your new wife know that you are thrilled to be married to her, but that this is still a fragile and unpredictable time for you. Be open with her about how you are feeling so she isn't left wondering or doubting. But most importantly, be honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. Don't try to bottle it up or guilt yourself that "I should be happy right now." You have experienced both one of life's greatest joys (marriage) and also one of its most traumatic sorrows. You are allowed to feel both.

My heart goes out for you. I'm sorry about your loss. I don't have any good tips at the moment but want to share I just lost my father to cancer a week ago and my wedding is in two months. It's not easy and I can relate to the joy and grief combination you mentioned.

View Quoted Comment This is great advice and thank you for sharing.

View Quoted Comment Hi Katie, thank you for your message. Great choice in date! You are right in everything you said and I never thought of it as the way you mentioned about needing the wedding now when I needed the uplift the most. That’s really made me think so thank you for reaching out ❤️

View Quoted Comment Hi CJ, thanks for messaging. It is such a hard period to go through, and although I’m still going through it as it’s so fresh, my advice so far would be to take each day as it comes. Don’t think too far ahead and do not bottle up your emotions. This is something I used to always do but I can’t at the moment as this is the most emotional thing I’ve been through but I do feel so much better after a cry. All the best for your wedding, keep strong ❤️

View Quoted Comment Thank you! You are 100% right, it sounds so cliched but taking the time out to reflect is probably the most helpful thing we can do for ourselves

View Quoted Comment This message was so helpful to me! I even read it to my new wife and you could see it touched her and probably made her think a bit more about what I’m going through. It’s tough as I want to be happy for the new life we are about to embark on but she understands I still have grieving to do.


I completely get the up and down feelings you experienced too! One day I’ll be singing along to a song she liked, the next moment I’ll turn it off at the first chord! As you say, do not bottle anything up and just go with how much emotions are telling me ❤️

Hi Antony. This Thursday marked exactly a year since my mom died of cancer. It has been an incredibly hard year, marked by highs and lows. I've experienced a lot of guilt - could we have done something differently, tried harder for some experimental therapy? Me and my dad also felt like s**t because she died alone in a hospital - we were not allowed to visit her as it was the height of the pandemic. My mom was also very much looking forward to the wedding and it's hard, knowing that she won't be there. Sometimes I felt relieved, because she didn't have to suffer so much anymore, and then I felt bad for it. My dad took it even harder, he pretty much went on a half year old renovation spree, remodeling the entire house from the bottom, just to keep busy - in our family, my mom was the communicator who always had something to say, so the silence was really hard to endure. It used to drive us mental, her always talking, now we miss it.
So my advice would be: if there is anything that helps you cope, take it, but don't close yourself off. Talk to the people who love you. If your dad is in the picture, try talking to him, it helps to know that someone understands what you are feeling. Our relationship improved a lot since we started talking honestly to each other, instead of trying to be strong for one another. My fiancé has been a rock to me and I am now absolutely certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And live fully, happily - it's what she would have wanted for you.

View Quoted Comment Hi Chloe, thank you for much for your message. Apologies for the late reply, the last month has been incredibly busy with the funeral, wedding, honeymoon, grieving and so on but your message is 100% true. As you said, you need to do anything that helps you to cope no matter what it is. Again, you are so right bu saying not to neglect people etc, let them come into your life and you can see how helpful it is to have these people by your side. I wouldn’t say the pain decreases bu it becomes easier to manage day by day. I think because I am so close to my dad, it has also helped me cope as I want to do the best for him so he is also my current motivation to be strong. If I need a down day etc, I try to make sure it’s not the days I’m visiting him as he needs to know I’m ok too.
Again, thank you for your kind message, it really made me feel better xx