Eloping instead of ceremony

You can elope if you want, but if you’re trying to save money, that’s not the way to do it. The reception is the expensive part, not the ceremony.

My wedding would be out of state which is difficult for some to pay not to mention... not everyone is too keen that it's a strict invite only wedding.

My fiancé and i are Also eloping out of state - we aren’t the traditional wedding type and we want to get married just the two of us =] we are having a traditional reception for friends and family a month later back at home. we thought we’d save $ this way too - which we are a little by not having a bridal party, etc but the reception is def where the most $ comes into play with food, dj, etc. it’s been hard to digest how much the reception alone will cost but we do want to celebrate with everyone so at this point we’re just coming to terms with the price lol

View Quoted Comment I understand, however, you said that one of your main concerns was saving money. Travel expenses for an elopement would likely be more expensive than a standard ceremony.

Would I be a horrible bride and friend if I told everyone I was going to invite them to our intimate then change my mind?

*Intimate wedding

View Quoted Comment

No, as long as it's across the board for everyone. You just let them know your wedding plans have changed and you and your FS have chosen to not have any guests.

Girl. Let me introduce myself as the person who went through the EXACT same thing. We are so indecisive and I am counting down the days for wedding planning to be done.

My FH and I both live in Virginia and decided we would have a small wedding, no bridesmaids/groomsmen/flower girls/ring bearer, with our immediate family in TN at a cute little bed and breakfast. The whole shebang included decorations, a cake, music, and reception food for roughly $4,500. It sounded amazing! We were going to come back and have a reception for all of our friends and family about a month or so after.

After deciding on it and paying the down payment, we got a lot of push back from our family members. We ended up deciding to move the wedding to Virginia and have an intimate ceremony with a brunch reception. Now we have 50 guests coming, a matron of honor (my mother), a best man (his father), a flower girl, and a ring bearer. We have a huge family so only extended invites to grandparents and aunts/uncles. All in all, we will end up spending about $2500 more on the local ceremony than the elopement.

The other responses are spot on-the reception is where the money goes. If given the option to do it again, we would’ve gone to TN and let that be it just to relieve the amount of stress.

Look at the cost of both. Do you have enough money to do a wedding or the elopement with the reception after? I’d say just go ahead & do the wedding. ( I was in your boat- small elopement & have a reception later. I just had my BIG wedding (60 ppl) & even though it was frustrating to plan, I loved every minute of it & have NO REGRETS!)

You can always push it back in order to continue to save money. Sit down with your FH & really get him to think about what he wants. That way whatever decision you guys to come, you’ve made it together.

View Quoted Comment Hi there! I live in TN and I’m going though the same thing (kinda) we were going to get married here, but over 2 hrs away from where most of everyone lives. After a lot of backlash and some really mean comments (one in particular saying that I “don’t deserve a wedding if I am going to be so rude I just need to go to the court house” they were UPSET it was 2 hrs away. It was cheaper and why were picking it) finally we decided we were getting married in Hawaii. With our best friends and family. We actually have a lot of family and friends coming out there. Then we will come home and have a reception for everyone else. We have found a local brewery where it’s only $200 /hr and that includes tables and chairs so we are probably goin to go with that. I love the idea of getting married some where else. Everyone told me it was going to be so much more expensive to do everything in Hawaii and we are only spending $2000 for the whole day photographer and videographer and cake included in that price.
It can get SO expensive SO fast. It wouldn’t be horrible for you to say that. So I wish everyone good luck and happy planning. Congratulations!

View Quoted Comment I'm confused. What other kind is there? Do people attend weddings they weren't invited to?

View Quoted Comment My maid of honor is trying to invite a "date" to join her because she doesn't want to go dateless...I told everyone it's immediate family and close friends only.

View Quoted Comment Ah, that I get. My plan is to calculate the cost per person and if anyone wants to complain about not having a +1, I'll explain how much their +1 would cost me. As a wedding guest, I never knew how much adding just 1 to the guest list could be. As a Bride, I'm having panic attacks about each name on my list.

Elope... as in get married in a courthouse somewhere far away and vacation a little bit?

Or elope as in go down to the local courthouse and get your marriage certificate?

I know you said you both are indecisive... so ask yourself this... how do you imagine getting married? Just the two of you, regardless of where it is? Or the whole kit-n-caboodle in front of a ton of people? Or some idea in between? If you don't have a good idea formed, then sit down with paper and pencil and write down the people you know you absolutely couldn't imagine getting hitched without. Depending on the number (I'd imagine tops 25 ppl) that will help guide your answer. (Don't look at your phone for contacts, just think your way through the people you most care about)

What we did (for many reasons) was went down to a local courthouse for a private ceremony, said words, exchanged rings and signed papers. For the application + ceremony and marriage licenses it was about $215. The biggest reason why we did this is because the #1 regret I heard from friends who 'did it traditional' is that they didn't even get to spend the big day with their spouse. It was all about family (family drama) who's getting drunk, who has to pay this vendor, etc. We didn't want that We had our special secret ceremony, and now we feel so much relief and no one else will be any the wiser.

We will have a symbolic ceremony in October and a big fat reception after, but that's because we wanted a big party for our families. The reception is the expensive portion. (In minimum ~$70/ person, from my experience. Our reception will be about $170/person because we've got some OTT plans)

My advice: Don't consult anyone else.<-- That's the important bit. Opinions are like belly buttons, everybody's got one! Talk to each other and your 'inner selves'. Then just DO IT, quickly! Make a commitment. Being indecisive will unfortunately cost you more $$ in the end if you don't make a plan and stick to it.

You do not have to have a fancy pantsy or OTT reception. In fact, you'll save money by talking to venues and saying you're having a family reunion (weddings are big $$ and everyone tries to squeeze you). Or if you really want a low key party, rent a large vacation home with a large backyard and host a wonderful BBQ in the summer. The # of guests you came up with will guide that thinking.

Go with your gut & Good luck!

My FH wanted to just elope with just us but I wanted everyone there so we compromised and will be having immediate family 15-20 guests in a destination location.

Absolutely not! You can definitely throw a less expensive reception depending on things. Yes, reception does tend to me more expensive than the ceremony itself, but could cut corners to save money in a lot of ways.

Depending on how many people you consider small and where you would like to have it, you can still elope for a cheap price with like 20 people or maybe even more depending on who you go through.

I'm doing an elopement. I'm going through a company called Simply Eloped and their pricing is for up to 20 people (depending on venue). The venue we chose only allows up to 10 so we're doing immediate family and then plan on inviting people for the celebration afterwards. Being that it's in Hawaii, we're not exactly sure how many people would or could show up but we still have a couple years.

You can always throw something afterwards in your home state like you mentioned. I don't think you would be a terrible person if you held off. You're not the first to do that and I'm sure you won't be the last.

Its definitely okay to do this. I wanted to do this but FH wanted a wedding.

Do whatever will make you the happiest! Don't worry about anyone else!

My FH and I were originally going to elope but decided on a small wedding and the bill is getting heavy. However, there are so many things about a wedding that i want to experience. Its ultimately up to you and him!