Eloping gifts??

Yep, that's essentially the trade off. People often don't give gifts for a wedding they aren't invited to. However, people are also not required to give gifts even when attending a wedding. Overall, you should focus on what you want for the wedding day as your experience and memories that you will have. If you envision a small, private elopement then go with that vision. If you envision a wedding with a bunch of your closest friends and family, then go with that (there are ways to have a lovely wedding on the cheap). However, I wouldn't necessarily have a large wedding just for gifts because that can backfire. Do a search on these forums about people who had large weddings with no gifts.

My opinion is you shouldn't throw a wedding just to get gifts lol. You most likely will have to use the money you guys saved to buy things you need for your home.

Yeah, you’ll have to buy your own home furnishings. That’s not what weddings are about anyway.

You can still create a registry for those that will attend and anyone that may want to gift you something after you're married. If anyone asks you can let them know you have a registry, but you certainly cannot expect gifts if you're not inviting people. You really shouldn't expect gifts at all. Of course they're nice to have and get, but you can't expect them. You most likely won't get many gifts if you don't invite more than a few people. Unfortunately there's going to be a trade off one way or the other.

Enjoy your small and sweet wedding! From the collected experience of this forum, we can tell you that you will be A LOT happier if you shift your focus from what people might/could/should give you to your wedding celebration and your marriage.

As far as stuff you need for your home, the cool thing is that there are so many ways to gather the essentials without spending all your savings (thrift stores, discount stores, Facebook Marketplace, Nextdoor (I just moved and gave a way A TON of household items), etc. And you don't need to buy it all at once. Make a list of what you think you'll need, prioritize it, and just worry about the absolute essentials for now. You can buy the rest in ones and twos as you have the budget for them.

If someone offers to throw you a shower, you could create a registry for that. Other than that, I would agree with PP's that no wedding generally means no gifts. You can either spend the money on a larger wedding in hopes of gifts/cash (which I would not do personally) or continue with your small ceremony and use the money you saved to purchase items for your home.

We spent way more on our wedding then we received in gifts, but overall we received about $8,000 worth of gifts & money between our wedding and my bridal shower. If you want to spend the least, I'd just buy household things for you guys. My husband and I lived together 3 years prior to getting married and most our stuff was hand-me-downs from friends or family, so I assume you'll get lots of that to save money too. If you'd prefer new things, maybe consider having a small reception to at least receive some gifts? But also some guests won't gift anything (which is fine) so prepare for that.

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Thank you so much! I appreciate the advice and ideas from you all! I feel like I'm already excluding some people. I guess that is another reason I'm second guessing our plans. Guilt 😝🙈

I'm in a similar boat due to my finances rapidly approaching and previously unknown deployment and new duty station. We also want a small wedding for many reasons. Etiquette says that if they aren't invited to the wedding then you shouldn't invite them to a shower. I find this to be an interesting concept considering weddings for 20 people can easily reach 20k. Why shouldn't you be able to celebrate with people when having a small wedding? Our trade off...a plated lunch for guests invited to a bridal/farewell shower. They can bring gifts or just wish me well in my move across the country. While some people still may find this rude, it is way more than they'd get at a birthday party for a one year old and people don't complain about that! Celebrate with the people you love but don't expect gifts. If they show up empty handed then thank them regardless for being a part of your life.