Eloping and disappointed family

Tell them you cant afford it and its not what you wish. End of it. I would invite parents/siblings if you are able.

@FiddlinBritt, no pay/no say

If they are not paying for it, they can't tell you what to do. I'd probably invite the parents to the elopement.

We were originally going to elope. However, since FH's family is tiny, they would have been very hurt by not being there to witness the wedding so we compromised and decided on a small city hall wedding and restaurant reception.

For us, it was what was more important at the end of the day? Peace with our family, or getting the formalities out of the way. Since we are Common-Law, the formality can wait until we have enough funds for the wedding.

If you are going to elope, do it quietly and send out marriage announcements after the fact.

I was considering immediate family but that started to open a can of worms as well because of remarriages/girfriend or boyfriend/ siblings/ grandparents etc. Announcements after the fact I think would be nice to send out though

That's what I'm doing. I didn't really care about having anybody at the ceremony, but I know my parents and my FH's parents would have been super sad had we not invited them, so we did. I would suggest at least discussing that as an option. They are so excited and are making a vacation out of it. Our siblings and best friends were upset, but they got over it. As long as you at least do some sort of celebration after, it lessens the sting that they won't be there to witness it. Just be upfront with them and tell them this is what you both have decided to do as a couple and are very excited about it and hope they'll share in your excitement too. I told my friends I was saving them a bunch of money--no BP expenses haha.

Sure, your mother's heart is hurting. Think of it from her perspective: when she gave birth to an infant daughter, she naturally thought, "one day, I'll be at her wedding". Well, life is what it is, and sometimes and in some ways, we all have to accept that some conventional parts of life, whatever they may be, might not be part of our existence. So, we accept, and we move on.

You do realize that you can have a tiny wedding that includes your immediate families, right? I mean a ceremony that includes moms, dads, and siblings (and SOs). You can wear something beautiful, carry a bouquet, have photos taken, go out to dinner, and cut a wedding cake. That might make your mother feel like she was a VIP at your wedding. I'd offer her that, but that would be as far as I would go.

Now, if you want to have a big, casual party to celebrate your marriage, rest assured that it happens all the time. You would send an invitation to your guests with verbiage like this:

It is with utter joy that

Shannon Jones

and

John Smith

announce that their lives were

joined together in matrimony

in a private ceremony

on October 31, 2016.

Please join us as we celebrate our marriage with

dinner, cocktails, and dancing

at ABC Venue,

123bMain Street

Anywhere, NY

on Saturday evening, November ??, 2016

at 6:00 PM

I wish I would have eloped.

The amount of shit I would have gotten for eloping- would not be equal to the amount of fucking bullshit from my family that I had to endure the last 1.5 months before the wedding.

And eventually- the eloping "hurt feelings" would go away. The drama and bullshit from the last 2 months?

ehhhhhhhhh- I'm not going to forget a lot of this shit -and I'm not happy about what it did to my relationships.

While I had a great time- I certainly am not one of those people who says "the day was totally worth all the stress"

it wasn't.

I wish we eloped.