Madisen
Savvy April 2020

Eloping Advice/tips/etc??

Madisen, on May 20, 2019 at 6:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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Hi everyone! I’m hoping for a little advice.


My FH and I have only been engaged for about a month. In that month we have had a lot of family issues regarding our grandparents health. His grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer and her health has quickly deteriorated & it is estimated that she has about 3 months to live and my 93yr old grandpa had to have emergency surgery, luckily he is in rehab and doing well so far. We are both very close to our grandparents so this has caused a lot of panic/anxiety.


We have begun “planning” our wedding and are set to tour 2 venues this weekend, but keep playing with the idea of eloping due to a variety of reasons. 1) We have family across the Country, him in PA and northern CA, me in southern CA, and we live with all our friends in AZ. 2) We’re not very extravagant people and want a very small, very non-traditional wedding. No bridal party, no long ceremony, no speeches at the reception, etc. 3) Cost, we don’t want to ask for help from our families due to all the issues that have happened medically with our grandparents, we want to buy a house in a few months, as that is cheaper than renting, and while we could wait a few years to get married to afford it, we’d rather just “get it over with/out of the way” (for lack of a better term). The most important thing to us is that we’re married, not all the details (although I’d still like a dress 😉)


We thought about possibly traveling to where each of our families are located to celebrate with them after the fact and do a small get together brunch/bbq/etc, but are unsure how to do this (do we text/send formal invites/Facebook group??), we also don’t want anyone to feel obligated to gift us anything after the fact if we do invite them to celebrate with us, as we feel it’s not fair to them to spend the money. We also figured that eloping and then celebrating within the next few months would hopefully ensure that we can celebrate with our grandparents, as so much can happen in a few months to a year (as we’ve seen this month)


My question is, have any of you eloped? Did you regret it? How did you handle telling your families (we don’t want to be dishonest/hide it, we want them to know) And did you have a “party” after to celebrate or maybe have a larger wedding-like vow renewal a few years later where you invited everyone to be present?


No one we know has eloped so we’re not sure on etiquette on informing family or for what you do after you elope? Any help, advice, tips/tricks, etc is appreciated!!

10 Comments

  • Keary
    Expert May 2019
    Keary ·
    I eloped last weekend! Best thing I ever did. We told the families we wanted a stress free weekend where we could focus on just us. The Mothers took it a little rough - but I found a photographer with a great elopement package who got all the pictures any mother could want. Mother's are happy with pics, H and I are happy we could focus on us and we're probably just going to go out to dinner with various family whenever we see them next. Highly recommend looking for elopement packages to take the stress off of y'all. 100% worth it in my opinion.
  • Madisen
    Savvy April 2020
    Madisen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you! Yes, there’s a few photographers I was looking at on instagram who I liked for wedding photos that also do great elopement photos! I think my mom would be fine, she was there when we got engaged and asked if we would elope, when I said I didn’t know, maybe, she shrugged and said “okay, keep me posted!” Not sure how FH’s mom will react as he’s the oldest and first to get engaged/married. She wasn’t as excited/over the top as I though she would be when we got engaged, so maybe she’d be fine??

    Can i ask, did you go dress shopping? If so did you invite friends/family with or did you go alone? And are you guys doing a honeymoon or did you count your elopement as a kind of “mini moon”

    thank you again!! 💕
  • Keary
    Expert May 2019
    Keary ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I went dress shopping and took a friend. I ended up FaceTiming my mom bc I found the one and she wanted to buy my dress. We're doing a honeymoon in October because it worked out better with work.

    My only real advice is to make sure you and FH are on the same page the whole time. Stand as a united front on the plans and go for it. It's so much cheaper, and they have so many beautiful places that you can't do a full size wedding at.
  • C
    Dedicated January 2020
    Cora ·
    We semi-eloped to Vegas and it was wonderful- we had a very small party of close friends and family and a wonderful dinner reception and overall fun weekend. . We dressed up (I found a sample gown and DH had a gorgeous Ted Baker tuxedo he’d never worn), had an elegant ceremony and had a photographer do very fun Strip photos. 100% recommend it
  • Lc
    Super September 2018
    Lc ·
    We eloped! My family wasn’t that upset about it, they were mostly happy for me. DH’s family was VERY upset, but they’re also very dramatic so we didn’t really care lol. We basically combined wedding/honeymoon, hired a photographer, got a dress/tux, and a small cake. It was perfect for us. I shared some photos you can see if you go to my profile->discussions.
  • Madisen
    Savvy April 2020
    Madisen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Omg! Your pictures are amazing!! We hadn’t thought about eloping to another country, but I’ll definitely look into that! We’re probably going to go to Sedona, but since we got engaged in Paris, it would be fitting for us to get married in another country too if we can afford it!
  • Madisen
    Savvy April 2020
    Madisen ·
    View Quoted Comment
    How fun!! Maybe we’ll try to make a weekend out of it with our friends and then travel to see our family. It could be fun to do the ceremony that morning then go out to dinner that night to celebrate or have everyone over. Thank you for sharing your story!
  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
    We are eloping. He proposed on Valentine's Day and we are going to the Faroe Islands to be married next month. We told our families at the beginning of March and they are happy for us. We are both living in a country that we are not from (families living elsewhere) so they have been understanding and supportive. We will have a little gathering some time after we get back and plan on giving gifts of our wedding to close friends and family. I will be taking our wedding photos myself because the photogs on the Islands want thousands of dollars to only take 30 photos.

    I would recommend that you both decide what is most important out of this. Get all the paperwork necessary in as soon as possible / necessary. Set a budget. Start reserving hotels or apartments, really looking into the costs involved. Eloping is much much cheaper than a traditional wedding IMO. Think on how and who you want to give the news to. We announced on FB that we were getting married but we did not say when or where. There are people who I would not invite ever and I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Our day is about us and we want to have it alone.
  • Lc
    Super September 2018
    Lc ·
    View Quoted Comment
    You could even get married locally and have a “symbolic” ceremony in Paris & honeymoon there!

    I wasn’t necessarily suggesting to do it abroad, that’s just what we chose to do. Lol. But I know there are tons of elopement packages around the US. Sedona has some beautiful scenery as well and would probably be an amazing location!
  • Madisen
    Savvy April 2020
    Madisen ·
    Thank you everyone for your advice! We’re going to tour 2 venues this weekend and hope that after we see those and get to talk about a formal wedding with someone that it may help us know what we want to do, either proceed with a wedding or elope 😊🤞🏻

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