Elopement

The expense was our main reason for our decision. FH was the one wanting the family present ceremony/reception. I wanted to elope, but I compromised with a small wedding. He started panicking about the cost of everything so I sat down with him, figured everything up (that I was budgeting for) and told him the at least amount we were looking at for both. After checking with our families (we wanted to make sure everyone was okay with it), we made our decision to plan an intimate ceremony for the two of us. It was a major stress reliever. The amount of research needed is so much less than what I was doing for the bigger wedding and it took me no time to find my very few vendors. Also, when you only need a photographer for a couple of hours, they usually work with you to give you a personalized package at a reduced cost below their normal starting price, which was another perk.

ETA: We're not planning any sort of reception afterwards. It didn't make sense to elope and then have a reception with our family. The reception is (usually) the most expensive part.

Thought about it; but I really wanted family there & having a reception/party afterwards...didn't make much sense to me.

If having family there wasn't so important to me, we totally could have gone the elopement route (courthouse wedding, immediate family/2close friends as witnesses, photographer for an hour or so, dress/bouquet n suit & dinner afterwards...leaving more $ for rings n honeymoon). Eloping could have saved us 75% of our current 100 guest wedding.

Our plan from the beginning was an intimate wedding. Original guest list only has 50ppl but we were allowing plus ones and children. Im extremely frugal so spending 12-15k for 1day is starting to get to me (especially since we're a blended family of 7) when we can take half the cost of the wedding to go on a honeymoon/ vacation. We've been looking into those packages with the wedding included, not necessarily a destination wedding but I guess it could be labeled that.

We went back and forth on the idea of an elopement or a full blown wedding. I wanted simple he wanted extravagant. We met in the middle. We had a small (60 invited only 45 came) wedding.

However, near the end of planning I wish we would have eloped.

Fh really doesn't like to be in front of a lot of people and I really didn't want the stress. We have been together for so long; we really don't want a huge scene. So we decided on the courthouse with our parents, with a nice dinner to follow.

There have been several times where we thought about inviting more, or having a celebration, or even having a large ceremony, but then we realized that it wouldn't have been what we wanted. I don't think it matters how big or small it is. All that matters is that you're marrying someone that you love.

We financially couldn't afford our big wedding anymore. We had lost a large sum of our wedding money after traveling abroad and couldn't make it back.

Also we realized we wanted a house more and that spending all this money we weren't going to make back just became overwhelming and too much stress.

We lost out on some deposits, but our venue said if we ever want to do some sort of event, they would love to be the ones to host it.

I suggest you do what you can afford.

Somebody at my job went to city hall in the afternoon and threw a huge party in the evening, another went to city hall and spent 10 years together before they had a big vow renewal.

I always thought I wanted a big wedding, possibly because that's all I've ever really known. When FH and I first broached the subject of one day getting married he said he definitely didn't want that and would rather just elope just the two of us. We talked about it every so often and I came around to his point-of-view because I also don't like being in front of a lot of people, plus as we live in Germany (he's German) but all my family and most of my friends are in Australia, I would probably have to forgo having most of them at our wedding anyway.

When we got engaged I said it was really important to me that my parents are there, and that his sister and her husband should be there too as we're really close with them. Then he said he wanted his Mum and other siblings there so in the end we're not eloping we're having a very small wedding with 8 guests but I'm so excited! (Not so much about FMIL and FBIL's girlfriend, but I'm glad the rest of them are coming.)

Cost is definitely another factor. My parents put aside money for my wedding (so nice of them!!) but I still feel bad and a little silly spending so much money just for one day. It is of course a very important, significant day, but for me personally I could not spend 20k just for one day; I think there are more important things in life to spend that money on! We'll probably use the remaining money eventually as part of a down payment on a house.

Sarah R I think that's it--- a big wedding is all I know (and of course courthouse).

I can relate to each of you and most of your reasonings are our reasons. We were always planning a small wedding but after we started looking into honeymoons and saw some of the Caribbean packages included weddings, FH has been set on that. I'm not a pose to it at all as it will allow us to purchase a home quicker. Just was curious of others reasoning.

We eloped on the 18th in Hawai'i and I have to say it was the best decisions we've ever made. We had planned a smaller intimate wedding (about 60 people) but then due to DH's forever changing schedule & the fact that we planned a wedding according to what our family wanted & not what we wanted, we decided to cancel everything & just do it, the two of us. It was much more emotional and intimate. I felt like we were able to do photography & videography without feeling guilty about the pricing (we paid $700 for P&V & ministry services). We were able to have a ceremony & a mini moon at the same time which I thought was amazing. The cost savings was amazing & we can put it towards our new home soon.

I have a HUGE family while DH only really has his mom. I didn't mind standing up to my family and telling them that since we were paying for everything we made the decisions. After a lot of arguments and fights they were finally able to see that this is what we were going to do regardless of their opinions. They were very gracious and even threw us a family BBQ yesterday which was a perfect way to end our week.

I definitely recommend researching both sides, figuring out ballpark pricing of both a wedding & elopement, pros & cons, figure out what exactly you want out of the wedding & finally i with what makes you sleep better at night. You don't want to be on your toes leading up to the wedding so go with what you & your FH feel is the best course of action & stick with it.

Thax Breana N.

If we go with plan b we only plan to invite 4ppl. But after these recent hurricanes I've been considering just having a court House wedding. We are so lost and confused and one year will go by in a blink of an eye. We need to make a final decision I just don't want us to make the wrong one.

I truly wanted to elope. This is my 2nd marriage and I didnt want to do the big thing again. FH's family wouldnt go for it (we didnt ask, but judging by the way they are treating it, it wouldnt fly). So we decided on a DW. Its not much cheaper, but its more intimate. Thankfully I do have assistance from daddy. If I didnt have the assistance, we would either be getting married in like 2021 or eloping anyway with like 4 people in attendance.

Shonda D - I feel your pain!! I've been considering courthouse or eloping after the hurricane disasters. We had everything booked in PR and are now starting from square 1. It's not an easy decision.

I keep asking myself- what will I be ok with when it's all over and just a memory .. Will courthouse memory be ok... an elopement ? Or a venue location that accommodated our families .

I always knew that if I were to elope it would be a bit extravagant. As much as I love the courthouse wedding BAM's on here (they're truly some gorgeous BAM's), I knew I wanted trees and nature as my backdrop. We've probably spent more than what's necessary to spend on an elopement, and it can certainly be done cheaper. For instance, I could have went with a cheaper photographer and there were a LOT of extras I could have done without. I could have waited to buy my dress and gotten something much cheaper (a regret I can't seem to shake) and saved there. Altogether, we'll be spending about $4,203 of our $5,000 budget for our wedding.

My FH and I didn't want to pay the money for a wedding. I still have student loan debt and we want to save for a house. Also I'm paying out of pocket for grad school courses. Even "affordable" weddings cost $7-10k. I could pay off my student loans and his cc debt AND pay for a grad school course or 2 with that much money. It just didn't seem right to use it on a wedding when paying off debt and higher education is more of a priority. Lastly, I hate being the center of attention.