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Just Said Yes August 2020

Elopement vs immediate family backyard wedding?

Kylie, on March 8, 2020 at 10:58 AM Posted in Planning 0 6

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I know this has been asked so many times but I feel like my situation varies from the average person and would LOVE any and all advice! I’m just feeling torn.

We are freshly engaged (3/4). FH is military and will be going active duty around October. We are planning on September or so getting married to be ready for this. His family owns land and said we could use the farm to get married on. I am totally okay with this. The sky is the limit. I started thinking about my side of the guest list and it’s already upwards to 75 people. FH has a large family too. The thought of trying to host a ~200 person wedding on our own in 6 months is too much. Parking, bathrooms, entertainment space is a concern to me for that many people. All of his family lives in Indiana while all of my dad/his family is out of state. I also am not really close to my dads side and don’t completely want all of them there. Then I have to deal with upsetting them and I don’t want the headache. I have a horrible tendency to people please as well and have a hard time drawing the line. Also my best friend who I would want to be my MOH lives across the country, will be in another wedding in November, has expressed not being able to afford to travel so much between the two weddings and wouldn’t be able to help me.
If we just did a small wedding with immediate family and very close friends I feel like I would still have the issue of offending extended family/other friends I would have otherwise invited.
FH and I have also talked about eloping and going on a cruise. We both have expressed being happy putting the majority of our money towards that. I’m torn because I want some tradition and I want the dress and our family/friends to celebrate with us. I feel like I’d be selfish to say if we went on a cruise, I just want it to be us alone with each other and have family attend.
I’ve seen “the best of both worlds” and people say just have the celebration with family and friends later. In my mind, if I’m going to pay for it either way then why would I break it apart months later? Also, with him being military, we may not have a “later” to celebrate as we will be moving.
I’m probably over thinking it because of my people pleasing tendencies. Any and all advice is welcome! Thank you in advance!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on March 9, 2020 at 12:46 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 8, 2020 at 11:05 AM
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I think an intimate wedding with immediate family and close friends would be the happy medium for you. You'll learn that, when it comes to wedding planning, you will never be able to make everyone happy. What matters is that you get to celebrate with your nearest and dearest in a small wedding that you can plan in a short time frame. If people are offended by that, they will have to get over it. If they don't, are they really people you want in your life anyway?
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on March 8, 2020 at 11:12 AM
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I too think a small immediate family only and your best friends seems to make you happy. That’s too bad about others being upset. You need to do what’s best for your stress and budget. You can just tell them “we opted for a small private wedding.” That’s all you need to say to anyone who asks if they’re invited, or asks for an invite.
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on March 8, 2020 at 11:13 AM
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We have a similar situation. My fiance is deploying in November and to avoid the possibility of him being in pre-deployment training, we were forced to either wait a year or two, or plan a wedding during his 45 days of leave they give him to move from Indiana to California. We opted for a 7 month engagement at a location that is a destination for everyone. This allowed us to have an "intimate" microwedding. Our guest list is 17 people and I was able to have every detail I wanted. The alternative would have been a 200+ guest list with paper plates. We too thought about an elopement but family is so important and the thought of tossing away a wedding was sad considering as a military spouse, we will give up a lot over the years. Spouses struggle with constant moves, career advancement is generally slower due to the moves, education can be hard, etc. Therefore, if you have always dreamed of a wedding, don't give it up. I have been active duty and now a soon to be military spouse. I urge you not to sacrifice everything due to his career choice. You don't want to be resentful down the road. Whether large or small, you still deserve your dream day. Think about your desires and if you can live without family present. Keep in mind, those closest to you will be the ones who support you while he is away. It might be nice to have something small to allow families to unite. If you can do without family, then elope. Just really think this threw. I hate seeing brides give up their wedding dreams just due to a SO'S career.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 8, 2020 at 12:42 PM
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Eloping is no longer the tradition of running off to Vegas drunk and getting married haha. I am eloping with two friends and I'm going to have a veil I'm going to have a dress I have a venue and my fiance and I are going to take them both out to dinner so basically we are having a really small wedding without tons of guests. Now something you could do that a friend of mine did is you could do a wedding Cruise we're basically everyone pays for them self to go. You wouldn't have to pay for a reception dinner you probably we just have to coordinate what are the dinner times where everyone is there and just make sure all the tables are next to each other. Plus I think the captain can officiate your ceremony or pending on where you go like my friend did there was a port that adopted and she got married and I think the st. Thomas islands and she said the cruise ships that all of that up. Another friend of mine kind of like a year later we got married celebration did the same thing on the cruise and she had a wedding dress and they took pictures and basically anyone that wanted to come at their own cruise ticket and then that way it takes less pressure off of you.
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October 2020
Fleur · on March 8, 2020 at 2:53 PM
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Do you have to have the backyard wedding? Can you find a venue that has the tables and chairs and restrooms and do a simple cake/punch reception? Sometimes parks or civic halls can be rented fairly cheaply. I think it’s doable by September. Good luck!
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on March 9, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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We did a micro wedding, only immediate family. My parents both pushed me to invite extended family and I said no because I didn’t want to deal with all of that drama. Plus, husband and I decided that it was just immediate family so we could cherish the time with them.

It’s been about 1.5 weeks since our wedding and if I could do it over again I’d do it exactly the same way. I loved how intimate is was because we got to spend time with the people who we love the most.
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