Elopement then Wedding?

Hello! I am currently not going through this, but my best friend is (I’m her MOH). Her original date was not looking too good due to COVID, but she wanted to go ahead and get married legally to buy a house sooner. So they had a virtual court wedding, got her house, and postponed the wedding celebration. She seems to have a lot of underlying regret about this... but everyone is different! Her wedding celebration is spring 2021 and she is unmotivated, anxious, and sad about planning now. She and even some of her family members feel it isn’t even a real wedding anymore. So yes, you might feel this way too. But you also might not. If you’re prioritizing your daughter’s registration and getting married sooner, and you think you’ll still be excited to plan for celebration later on then do it! If you know it might not feel as special (even though it will be) and might have some regret, then maybe just wait it out and really plan for the full wedding. Good luck!

Many people feel just as excited and just as emotional when planning a wedding after legally marrying

View Quoted Comment I feel like I wouldn’t be as excited about the wedding and spending the money on the wedding if we’re already married. Thank you for your insight!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I think we’ll try waiting it out and kind of play by ear. I’m honestly just ready to marry him regardless! 😊

We actually contemplated doing the same thing. Our wedding was supposed to be in November, but we have postponed it to November 2021. I knew that logically it made sense to go ahead and get married on our original date then celebrate the following year when it was safer. But, like you, I didn’t think I would be as excited or emotional about it. Walking down the aisle knowing I was already married just wouldn’t be as special. My cousin ended up getting married on their original date (just her, her fiancé, and both their parents), and postponed their reception. Unfortunately, she really regretted it. Lots of people declined to attend because “what’s the point? They’re already married” She spent a lot of time and money on a celebration with a low turn out and ended up in tears about it. After that, FH and I decided to just be patient and wait it out for our new date. If I were you, I would stop and think about it, and be completely honest with yourself about how you really feel. If the convenience of registering your daughter for school outweighs the excitement of your wedding, then I think you will be fine getting married now and celebrating later. If you feel in your heart that you will regret getting married before your celebration, or that it won’t feel as special walking down the aisle with everyone (including you) knowing you are already married, then it may be worth it to wait until your new date. Marrying your fiancé is a once-in-a-lifetime event, you don’t want to forever regret not doing it the way you really wanted.

The legal ceremony (elopement) IS the the wedding. But you can have a renewal of vows down the line. Just send announcements to everyone that you got married immediately after the elopement so they are aware of what you chose. The renewal save the dates/invites are sent later.

We decided to get married on our dating anniversary in April and have our big wedding in October. I worried that I wouldn't feel the same being already married but I get to have my bridal party, wedding festivities and other things in October so I figured I'd still be excited. Getting married in April makes it easier to register my son for 5th grade with his new name (FH is adopting him) and I'll already have my name changed by then too. I told myself that because of Covid, things can be a little out of order and still be exciting and wonderful.

View Quoted Comment That is amazing! I’m so excited for y’all!
We’re waiting until my daughter is old enough to make the decision about being adopted (she’s 6 years old) her biological father hasn’t been in her life for almost 2 years.

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Thank You! My son's biological father hasn't seen him in 5 years and gave up his rights. My son calls my FH "Daddy" and has done so for 5 years so for all intents and purposes, that is his father. I'm excited that we get to put his new name on our wedding programs.

Have you mentioned it to your daughter already? My son knew he wanted to be adopted at age 7. He really wanted a daddy and identified with the only man that's been there. He actually started writing his name with my FH's last name at school and that's when we knew he was ready. Kids pick up on things like that without us saying anything sometimes.

View Quoted Comment She says she only has one daddy and that’s my fiancé. Her biological father filed legitimation paperwork 3 years ago and then refused to sign a custody agreement and hasn’t tried since so the legitimation was never granted. She doesn’t even talk about him anymore. She’s mentioned in the past that she wants my fiancé’s last name but we want to give her atleast another year to make sure she’s ready. She understands the situation better than we think she does but we haven’t really talked to her about adoption yet. That may be a discussion that we should have with her.
I’m so excited for your son! That’s a really big deal!

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Aweee she already knows then. That's so sweet and good for her. Some children don't get a better parent if their first one sucks (I am one of those children lol) but thankfully ours were blessed. We gave my son 4 years to decide so I definitely get it.

Thank You so much! I'm so excited for him too - he's walking me down the aisle & everything. This has really been our journey just as much as mine & his dad's - it was just us before my FH & younger son came along. We're both getting our Happily Ever After