Elopement Regret?

It's a little bit of both. And my fiancé wants me to be happy and is literally okay with whatever I choose. I tried to put together a small reception in the first place but even our immediate family is all over the country, everyone would have to spend anywhere from 4-7 hours driving to a plane ride across country to come and that has been a challenge in itself.

If you really want to elope then just do it and you don't have to tell your family where you are so they can't try to meet up with you. From your post I didn't get the feeling you actually wanted to elope though just that you felt overwhelmed when trying to plan a wedding and felt like no one was helping you. Unfortunately planning a big wedding is stressful and unless you hire a planner, everything falls on you and your fiancé. No one else is obligated to help you plan or be excited about wedding planning if you bring it up in conversation. Did you communicate to your mom and sister about your expectations for them being involved in wedding planning? It also doesn't surprise me that after saying you wanted to elope wedding day details, bridal shower, and bachelorette conversations were half hearted. You chose not to have guests at your wedding so you're talking about wedding details and pre-wedding events with people not invited to your wedding. It's really nice that your aunt threw you a shower. A lot of people don't get a shower or bachelorette, even if they have a more traditional wedding, because those are events someone else choosing to host and it's typically seen as poor etiquette for the bride to plan those.

WW doesn't know your relationship with your family or their wedding traditions, but maybe no one blinked when you brought up elopement because it's your decision and they wanted to respect your decision even though it hurt them. Maybe they didn't think you would actually choose to elope when you've always wanted a bigger wedding. Maybe choosing to vacation near your wedding is their way of feeling close to your on your big day even if they didn't see you. Maybe you hoped you would change your mind. Maybe they were planning some kind of small reception for you. Maybe they've been trying to hide their hurt for months they won't be invited and now it just all boiled over. My friends sister eloped and her parents drove out of state to where they were and hid behind a bush so they could see their daughter get married lol. My point is that we at WW don't know you or your family and can only speculate. I think both you and your family are at fault here for poor communication. Decide what kind of wedding is best for you and your fiance and then try to have an honest conversation about how you're feeling with your family. At the end of the day do what is best for you and if people are upset they'll get over it eventually.

Thanks for pep talk! Much needed!

"I reached out and told them how we felt about them “showing up” but their attitude was we don’t need to meet up. But how is that fair to my finance’s family? I expressed that concern and now I’m being blamed as this angry and hateful person for feeling how I feel. "j

What do you mean, how is that fair to your fiancé's family? How does their vacation have anything to do with your fiancé's family?

But you said their attitude was that you don't need to meet up, so just don't meet up.

Eloping by the literal definition means getting married in secret, so your family shouldn't even know about it. But you told them the details so they "coincidentally" planned a trip around it. If you truly want it to just be you and your fiance, then don't tell them the details of where exactly, when exactly and maybe say "we can meet up with you guys on _____ day to see you on your vacation but we want to keep our wedding just us out of respect to fiance's family and to have the wedding we desire"

If you want to elope and not see them, definitely do that and let your family know clearly and kindly. If you really do want a wedding or reception and want them to be involved and supportive, tell them that honestly (but also kindly, use lots of "I feel..." statements and try to assume the best of their intentions). If they still aren't receptive or supportive, at least they'll know why you made the decisions you did and you have done everything you can do. It's their job to wrestle with their feelings about your decisions, not yours. You can't make everyone happy.

I know it's hard to ask for and clearly communicate what we want, because it makes us vulnerable to more disappointment. But your family can't read your mind and you can't read theirs to fully know and understand their intentions either, so not clearly communicating guarantees you will be disappointed. Take some time to clearly articulate in your own mind what you want (apart from concerns of how your decisions will make others feel) then communicate that.

I hope you have a wonderful day whatever happens!

This is such good advice!

Thing is when you elope, you do it, and then tell everyone after the fact. What you're doing here is telling everyone beforehand, so now it gives people time to make things complicated. I'm not sure why you thought everyone would be excited to shop for dresses for an event they won't be attending? When you elope, you don't get showers or bachelorettes because anyone invited to those events needs to be invited to the wedding. It's kind of one or the other. Maybe you've expected too much during your planning.

If you don't want to meet up, then don't meet up. I would say something like, "Oh this time is just for us, let's have dinner when we get back and celebrate".