Elopement Planning= Family Complaining. Share your woes!

Real talk? I don't think planning an elopement ever works well. And by that I mean, discussing the details ahead of time with anyone other than your future spouse. This is such a clear case of not being able to make everyone happy, so, the less they know, the better!

I say this without any snark (I planned a very small wedding completely on my own, exactly the way I wanted it!), but you are going to have to accept that your loved ones will complain and have opinions you don't like. And you can't change them. You can't change anyone. So, keep any and all details possible to yourself, practice changing the subject and deflecting, smile and nod, and go about your business. And enjoy your elopement!

View Quoted Comment Excellent advice, Maggie!

I told them if they want to plan and pay for the whole thing, I'll show up.

No takers. We eloped!

Our first choice was to elope since we are such private people but we are both the first children to get married within our immediate families so our parents WERE NOT HAVIN IT. So we said okay elopement or small destination wedding? They chose DW obviously — some have negative feelings towards it because it’s clearly more costly than local but at the end of the day it’s our wedding and we care MUCH less about what people think than about how we want our day to be!

No issues honestly. My friends were only slightly saddened but our families know us so well no one is upset. Plus we’re having a reception/anniversary party for them a year later. Everyone can get excited about that. Marriage is about the relationship not the wedding so people shouldn’t tell anyone else how to do their relationship.


Family and friends even ask about details and check to make sure we’re getting everything planned as we want it. I guess that’s not the norm though.
Do what you want. They can be sad or angry but they will get over it eventually.

So sorry your family isn't supporting you but I get it.

I definitely wanted to consider an elopement (for both cost and simplicity) but my FH wanted to celebrate with friends, and I think his parents and sister would have been crushed if we didn't include them. My mom actually was all for an elopement because she didn't want the stress of being the MOB and having to find what to wear, have her hair done, travel, make a speech, etc. We are having a full wedding + reception (about 60-80 guests), and I think she'll be really happy that she gets to be a part of our big day in the end though.

Maybe try expressing to your families why you want to elope? There are so many great reasons to elope. Elopements tend to be more about the couple than the couple serving as hosts for guests, and they can be so much simpler, less stressful, and less expensive. Maybe if you highlight the perks of elopement your families will be more on board.

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Gosh, I am in the same boat. Its frustrating. To make things worse, my mom and future husband don't get along the best. Things got started on the wrong foot and while they're getting better, its still a bit tricky at times. He has empowered me to speak up a little bit more about what I truly want, but of course my parents don't like that and they feel like hes the problem because I no longer do whatever they want. Its been stressful

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s tough! My fiancé and I are very independent and strong willed in the fact that we don’t really ask permission or ask our parents for their opinions haha basically we tell them what we are planning and they are usually on board! My mom and I are best friends in the best way so she would never push me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. My advice is to stay strong and don’t let others’ opinions drag you down or affect your plans!

Recently they have renamed what has always been known as a private wedding, a planned very small group with you, maybe attendants, and calling it an elopement, when for centuries that has meant just the couple, going away, and having only legally required witnesses who may be friends of theirs, or strangers. No details go put about a traditional elopement until after the marriage has occurred. They do not mislead people and act like they are planning one wedding, then yank it away, they just tell people, we are planning a wedding some time in the future. Then do it. To me, unless there is a serious problem , and the miniwedding is to accomodate something like a person dying, or leaving the country, or a planned wedding that the venue has cut for Covid / spacing, people should go back to the traditional. Plan your elopement in secret, do not say a word to anyone, except maybe one or 2 who will help you pull it off. Just go. Send announcements the day after you marry.
Include people in planning , and only a very small number, only if you really will do what they suà1àggest. Don't ask for an opinion and then say, I do not want things your way, I want them mine. Better to say, it will be very small, and we are planning it, just FI and I, as a surprise to everyone. And make it clear, good or bad, you are not listening or carrying out any suggestion, so stop making them.

We’ve been having so many problems. we’ve already canceled & rescheduled. Our dream day would be hiking, finding a spot, ceremony, getting a pizza or smoothie or taco truck, a bonfire, some cozy drinks, stories, a dance or two. Next day a shared excursion. Our current problems is a portion of the family can’t hike, or doesn’t have vacation time, doesn’t want to spend that much money, or wants to invite people who don’t like us.. we just wanted our parents siblings and 1 friend. Our friends want to invite a SO but that puts us over the limit for the ceremony spot. So we’re stuck on that. 😞