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Just Said Yes May 2023

Elopement Help!

Pri, on May 21, 2023 at 11:31 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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Dear everyone,
I am in an international relationship w SO visiting the United States. We are living a state away from my family bc of my job. We know we have to marry to start immigration paperwork.
So instead of courthouse, we booked a last minute elopement package at an Inn, to make our union official and also have a beautiful day to remember w immediate family only. Because of the last minute hustle, we held back on inviting friends so as to not pressure them into something even we weren’t sure was happening a month ago.
Now I’m lost mentally though — do we invite close friends anyway and hope for the best? If the numbers increase, so do rentals and overall day expectations? Am I too late and will I be seen as an inconsiderate person? It feels like if I do, then we go into actual wedding territory and then will be missing a LOT of parts.
(We do plan on having a part II somewhere his family can join us as well and having that be the big celebration!)

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Michael, on May 21, 2023 at 3:38 PM

Master October 2023
Cece · on May 21, 2023 at 11:46 AM
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I have a few thoughts here. First of all, an elopement, by definition, means bride and groom only. It sounds as though you are inviting guests to your celebration, which means this would fall into the category of a micro wedding. Micro weddings are very small weddings (usually 2-20 guests), which typically only involve the ceremony and then hosting a dinner afterwards for the guests. If you were to invite a small number of friends as well, your wedding would still be considered a microwedding, and nothing more would be expected of you (just the ceremony and hosting a meal afterward).
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on May 21, 2023 at 12:33 PM
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Like the previous phone mentioned you aren't actually eloping if you plan on having guests in attendance other than x number of witnesses that might be legally required to be there. Instead this would be a micro wedding. You can definitely invite friends if you want but the more people you invite the more expensive. You'll also want to ensure you have the space for everyone that you want and plan on hosting a meal.
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CM · on May 21, 2023 at 1:45 PM
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What you’re suggesting is an intimate wedding of immediate family and close friends. If the plans were up in the air until recently, there’s nothing wrong with asking the friends if they might be available to join you. Yes, it would likely add to your cost. You can also just invite them to the delayed celebration of marriage.
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Master October 2023
Michael · on May 21, 2023 at 3:38 PM
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Don't worry much about what others are saying about elopement. The meaning has been going through some revision. See https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/read-this-before-you-elope
if you are able to do well with a small group of friends and say this is a lowkey and low budget gathering. You could say you are not really "hosting" anything but hope people could get together anyhow. This would be saying "we're not planning anything formal but if you want to be with us, that is fine." That could work. And the use of "elopement" would contribute to that image you are talking about.
I think one reason that elopement takes on a new meaning is that couples are not even asking permission to marry -- so the old meaning of elopement does not have much use anymore.
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