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Just Said Yes October 2023

Elope then party later

Madelaine, on June 17, 2018 at 1:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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My husband and I got married on April 11, 2015 at city hall. We went to work right after and never did anything to celebrate, some people don’t even know we’re married. My husbands parents were there so we didn’t technically elope, just didn’t know how else to word it. Since that day I’ve been saving up to throw a “vow renewal” type of ceremony and reception on April 11, 2020 which would be our 5 year anniversary. I know a lot of people don’t care about the ceremony and party but I’m one of those people who always wanted a big wedding and the pretty dress.

Anyway, a few of the family members we’ve told so far are being super negative about the whole thing. I don’t know if it’s because we’re Hispanic and being nontraditional with refusing to get married through the church or whatever but it’s frustrating. What I’m asking is how would you feel about receiving a formal invitation to a formal ceremony and reception given the details above? Is it seriously that weird? I just wanted a nice ceremony and reception but I’m also not going to spend money on good food and alcohol if people are going to be so negative.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on September 8, 2018 at 1:42 PM

Champion June 2018
muriel · on June 17, 2018 at 1:08 PM
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To me, vow renewals are meant to be more private, meaningful ceremonies between the couple, not a do- over, because they made a different choice when they got married.
I would not criticize you for your choice, but to me it would be a party and I would make my decision to attend or not, like any other party. If it involved travel, I probably would decline.
My belief is that you can do what you want and so can your prospective guests.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on June 17, 2018 at 1:13 PM
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This is kind of my stance on it as well. Unless you were my best friend or my sibling, I probably wouldn’t attend a vow renewal, but I don’t find issue with people having them.
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Dedicated June 2019
intheforest · on June 17, 2018 at 1:31 PM
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I would attend and see it just as important as a wedding.
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Super March 2019
Bailey · on June 17, 2018 at 1:36 PM
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If you didn’t have a party the first time around, then I would probably come, but I don’t know that I would give a gift.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on June 17, 2018 at 2:35 PM
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I would stop talking about it with these family members. I would also pick a smaller venue that allows you flexibility with the guest list.
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Savvy May 2018
VABW · on June 17, 2018 at 2:50 PM
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I don’t see anything wrong with doing a big fancy thing for a vow renewal if that’s what you want to do! Just understand that some people won’t see it the same way and won’t make it a priority like they would a wedding, so go in with that expectation as to not be disappointed if you get more ‘no’ RSVPs than you might have if it was your actual wedding
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VIP November 2018
ISaidHallYes · on June 18, 2018 at 7:47 AM
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I would absolutely attend especially since you didn’t have your big wedding the first time around. I see nothing wrong with wanting to do this. I would stop talking to those family members about any details and brush off he negativity.
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Dedicated November 2014
Mandy · on June 18, 2018 at 10:41 AM
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As long as you are clearly identifying it as a vow renewal, and not a wedding do-over, I'm fine with it. You can have a ceremony--but no bridesmaids because you're not a bride, etc. No first dance, because you've been married for 5 years. You get the picture. Have the ceremony and a great reception after. People will come or not come, totally up to them, just be honest about what everything is.
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VIP September 2018
BB-H · on June 18, 2018 at 2:30 PM
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My grandmother is planning her vow renewal-25 years-and my mother doesn't understand why she's making a big party out of it. Then again, my mother didn't want to have a big celebration for her 30th wedding anniversary this year. I would be happy to attend a vow renewal (of course being given the information ahead of time). But I think there are some people who don't see the point of it. As long as I know what I'm attending and you're hosting properly, I'll come celebrate with you.
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Just Said Yes November 2018
Natalie · on September 8, 2018 at 1:42 PM
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Girl, no one’s opinion matters other than yours and your partner’s. Tradition isn’t for everyone, and that is totally okay. You can celebrate your love however you want. Do what makes you happy- even if it goes against the norm. Marriage celebrations are about YOU, your partner, and the bond y’all share....not about everyone else and their opinion. People may view it differently than a wedding and that could influence their decision to go, but don’t let that stop you from celebrating the way you want to.
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