Elope now, ceremony/reception to follow?

I'm so happy to have found this page! My husband and I are married but are planning a wedding in October. I was really down on myself because I thought that already being married (personal reasons, didn't want to continue to live together without being married) would cheapen the experience for my family. I now feel encouraged to continue with my original plan because it's my celebration and I want to have a wedding!

Me amd my fiance are planning on eloping, and having our 2nd wedding with our friends on our 1 year anniversary. we have been together 4 years, and since we are paying for our own wedding, it will take time to save and pay for everything...but neither of us want to wait almost a year and a half to get officially married...however, i believe that it is still a wedding even if its 1 year after.

our guests will be watching us say our vows, whether we are married or not..it will still be special to share that with them.

I have to agree. My now husband and I got married two days ago and I'm still planning my big wedding, because I'm my fathers only child and who doesn't want there daddy to walk them down the isle. We've lived together for a year and 7 months and we were active in church (I don't want to hear your judgement all comments cause that makes you a hypocrite) the past 6 months I couldn't even go to church I felt so guilty and I couldn't do it. I found an officiant for $20 for us to get married at the court house (3 hours away, one because I didn't want anyone to see us get a marriage license in our home city since we were keeping it a secret and two I loved the area we were getting married in) but it was so worth it. I haven't told anyone but my mom, she's more understanding. But we had it actually a week ahead of schedule because my fiancé had the day off, I called the officiant at 11am and asked if he could marry us at 4:30 and thank goodness he could. We got dressed ( I wore a maxi white dress and he wore jeans and a button up ) got in the car and drove down to the courthouse, got the marriage licenses and got married a half hour later. I don't regret my decision at all, and how would we be lying if no one knew. Jesus understands are circumstances and that's all that matters to me. We're paying for our wedding an won't be able to afford everything for a while so this was finacially the best option and it was so special and meaningful and so will my wedding at a later date. Make the best of what your given, and defiently not listen to others negativity, that's just the world we live in. Finally I'm not living in sin and can't wait to get into God's house and worship (watching church on tv just wasn't the same). Hope this helped someone out there struggling. Good luck!

I know this is old but right now in a similar situation. My FH and got engaged last November and from the beginning we wanted a small intimate wedding. MOB was not cool with that and so she started planning a wedding for us she got a venue and started telling friends and family the date and everything. It really isn't what my FH and I want, we really want our vows to be personal but we dont want to give personal vows in front of hundreds of people. So we are tempted to elope. And just continue letting the MOB plan the wedding she wants us to have and just do generic vows. My mom wont budge and has been making this process really hard for us.

I genuinely find it absolutely ridiculous that we should have to ask if we're allowed to elope and still have a ceremony in front of family and friends later. I also find it laughable that people feel they have the authority to label things and tell you what to do. Sorry to be political, but these sound like the same type of people who would argue against gay marriage - as if their opinion matters. Do whatever you want. Anyone else's opinion is irrelevant. And LOL if they think their opinion matters. They're going to be super disappointed down the road when they find out it doesn't.

I genuinely find it absolutely ridiculous that we should have to ask if we're allowed to elope and still have a ceremony in front of family and friends later. I also find it laughable that people feel they have the authority to label things and tell you what to do. Sorry to be political, but these sound like the same type of people who would argue against gay marriage - as if their opinion matters. Do whatever you want. Anyone else's opinion is irrelevant. And LOL if they think their opinion matters. They're going to be super disappointed down the road when they find out it doesn't.

Hi, out of curiosity, are you still married?

Edit: Didn't realize how old this post was. Can't find the delete button.

From my standpoint people that don't know your situation, don't seem to understand and can be pretty judgy. My husband and I eloped with one witness and didn't tell anyone until a couple weeks later. It was great having a day that was truly ours, one that we didn't have to share with everyone and their drama, not to mention he was deploying. When we did tell people the first thing anyone asked, is if we were still having a wedding and what our registry was so they could get us gifts. No one that actually cared about us thought twice about our decision, everyone was extremely happy. So, the people that are being negative about you choosing to elope and still have a wedding need to take a step back. They can call it being "blunt" or whatever but the tone remains the same which is straight up naive and rude. Long story short, my advice is, do what feels right because the people that care for you should not only respect your decision but be happy for you.

Ha, just saw how old this post was. Still, my opinion remains the same for anyone else looking for thoughts on the subject.

My husband and I eloped about a month ago for financial reasons and are still planning a big wedding in about 2 years when he finishes nursing school. I've been debating telling all of my friends and extended family that we are married because I'm worried that they won't really treat our "real" wedding in two years as special. I still want have the whole "bridal" experience with a shower, bachelorette party, etc. But I also really want to change my name and shout it to the world that I finally got to marry my best friend. Basically I guess it sounds like I want to have my cake and eat it too... is that wrong? HELP!

My friends wedding (that wasn’t a legal wedding cos they had done it at the court house” was the most fun iv had
people get their panties in a twist when things aren’t done in the way they deem appropriate
your day, do it your way

I realize this post is years old however I'm at the point I want to elope and have a wedding ceremony later because I want my day to be about us and the wedding and reception to be about sharing our love with friends and family. Thank you for this post

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your words!!!

Considering same and agreeing on hostility. People seem very firm that you’re only allowed to get married once and it won’t be special, people will feel tricked, etc. I don’t agree with any of that. It’s as special as you want it to be.

View Quoted Comment I am thinking the same! My receptions September. Considering going away in August, just us two, and getting married alone. It will be a private and special moment. Then return and have the party/church with family (100 people). And no, we aren’t going to hide it and “trick” people as some users have suggested it is.
What did you decide?

In the same boat is several people here. Motivation for eloping first is that our conservative family won't approve if we move in together before the wedding. Since they are going to pay for it, we want to keep them all happy. But I still want all the bridal things so I don't know if it's not being genuine.

View Quoted Comment

This is what we want to do! How did you feel after? Do you have anything you would've done differently?

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this perspective! How did your big wedding feel?

I'm sorry but it's not your wedding and I think a bride is a bride whether you are married on a piece of paper or not. We eloped and then got married and we didn't tell anyone because we got a marriage license for financial and insurance issues. I love having two dates to celebrate and I love that we had that moment just us which is what a marriage is about. And if I spend $50,000 on a wedding you better believe I will be an official bride! Stop being so nasty since you didn't think of it. Bye Felicia!!!

Just pointing out that this thread was started in 2012. Long before Covid.

Some people take issue with watching an already married couple get married. That's just a fact, although Covid has changed things at least temporarily. Ultimately people can do what they want.

I do think getting married in secret and then pretending to get married is a little different though. Then you run the risk of people feeling like they've been deceived, as I have seen that in the past on these boards.