DW Guest expectation- Why????!!!??!!?

I'm not sure their expectation is normal and I'm crazy to think they are expected to just attend in the wedding and rest of their trip is up to them.

How can I make it clear that it's like just any other wedding without being rude? Wedding is just for ONE day.

We are so grateful for the guests who are coming, but we are not travel agency.

Has anyone else had the same situation?

I'm not having a destination wedding but my understanding is that yes, they're invited to your wedding and then can turn it into a longer vacation if they so choose.

That being said, some people do host a dinner before or brunch after since people are traveling. My friend got married in HI and she had a beach dinner and luau the night before the wedding (instead of the rehearsal dinner with just BP).

I had a DW in Maui in May. We let everyone know the days before the wedding was family time but the days after was our time. We did meet for dinner and drinks some of those days but everyone did their own thing for the most part.

That's weeeeeird you are not their travel agent! I'd just make it clear that "X and Y are the hotels we'd recommend for your stay" and "we can't wait to see you at the welcome dinner / going away brunch on ____ day" or whatever wedding specific activities you have planned. And that is IT!

We chose to be travel agents for our DW in Shanghai. Most people stayed 1-2 weeks. The week leading up the wedding we planned things with our family and friends and they had the option to join or not: Nanjing Road, The Oriental Pearl Tower, Shanghai Disney and then we hosted a rehearsal dinner the evening before our wedding. The day after my MOH booked a shuttle for all of us OOT guests to go to the canals. Majority of guests left after this. Then a small group of 7, including FH and I headed to Beijing. We decided this is what we wanted to do early on. The thought of having family and friends fly out to China then to ditch them afterwards seemed rude for us to do. When we got back to Shanghai, the last of our our 5 guests decided to hang together and travel by themselves for the last 3 days. FH and I were able to visit more of his family during this time.

I think ever situation is different. Hawaii seems like a place where they can definitely go off on their own and not need a travel agent. I would tell these guests that you two will be going on your honeymoon after and want a some privacy. .Maybe the closer you get to the wedding you can let guests know which other guests are going, so if they want they can start planning things together. Also, maybe you can add maybe a day that you can all meet for drinks, if you have guests staying over a week.

I think hosting your guests after the wedding is a choice, but not mandatory.

It sounds like a lot of your guests are not familiar with the way that DWs typically go.

Answer questions matter of factly as they come up to nip the confusion in the bud.

We're having a DW. No one has said anything about spending time with us after the wedding. That's definitely weird. If someone says something, just say something along the lines of, "I'm really glad you are excited about coming to our wedding, but we would like to explore Hawaii without family or friends for our honeymoon."

We did a DW and I felt like everyone's travel agent too. People kept asking me how to make arrangements, what the plan was, etc.... I kept referring them to our website for accommodations and the events schedule. It got even worse when people started to get into town - sooooo many phone calls asking me where their condos were and where do they park. It was stressful. In hindsight I wish I would have given them our wedding planners contact info so she could help them get settled instead of me. Some people have very codependent personalities which is the downside to a DW.

The few DWs I know of (I haven't been invited to any) the couple hung out with guests in the days leading up to the wedding - and usually coordinated a couple of tours or activities - but did their honeymoon alone after the wedding. Also, 45 seems like a huge number for a DW. Maybe that's part of why people think it's more like a long party/group vacation? Most DWs I have heard about had 8-20 attendees ..... But again, I don't know about very many.

I've been to a couple of DW's. One in Jamaica in which a few of my family members attended. We had a dinner and went on an excursion together with the bride and groom after the wedding. It was a much smaller group but, nevertheless they hung out with us. We really didn't expect them to. If they didn't hang out with us it would have been fine as we were at a resort and we're adults so we could plan our time. The next one was in New Orleans and we didn't hang out with the bride and groom before or after the wedding. We made our own plans and had a great time touring the city on our own. Yes, I think it's a bit strange that they are wanting to hang out with you.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences!

It's good that I'm not the weird one. I think my guests are very new to concept of DW .

I guess good thing is they asked us now so I can clarify in advance.

It depends. The two DWs I went to were very group oriented. Everyone left the B&G to their own devices the day after their weddings but the days leading up to the wedding, everyone hung out, did excursions, ate together. Maybe you should ask what their expectations are before assuming everyone is in line with your expectations.

Oh no, that's awkward... I would say something like "We're hosting a welcome dinner (if you are) at such and such time, the wedding is at this time and there will be brunch (if there is) on this day. Then the two of us will be island hopping for our honeymoon." and leave it that. They are not invited to hang with you on other days and you are not obligated to make their other plans,,,

I've never been invited to a destination wedding, but TBH if I were dropping thousands of dollars to attend your wedding in Hawaii I would be asking the same questions. Isn't the purpose of a DW to make it somewhat of a group vacation? Otherwise, why wouldn't you just get married at home and go to Hawaii on your honeymoon? Not trying to be a jerk here, I honestly don't understand why there wouldn't be some sort of activities before the wedding at least. I get that you want to be alone afterwards. I also think if you're expecting your guests to go through such an effort to attend the DW, you would be providing travel information or using a TA to handle the group.