Dry Wedding to not make guests uncomfortable?

Honestly, that's close enough to 50/50 that you've got to just do what YOU and your future spouse want. You absolutely can't please everyone, and at the end of the day, it's your wedding!

View Quoted Comment I agree, as long as you have beverages that are non alcoholic for your guests who do not drink, then you are fine. Because you don’t want to neglect the other half of your list. You can even opt for a simpler drink list of wine and beer if you dint want the heavy stuff.

I think you should do what you and FH want, but make it clear on the wedding website or by word of mouth that alcohol will be present so they don't feel pressured to go.


I work with many practicing Mormons who don't drink alcohol or coffee, have their temple cards, etc, and they still attend events with alcohol, but often do leave when people start getting drunk. But if your circle won't want to come, I guess that's something you'll have to weigh. If you do choose to have alcohol and people come and make a sourpuss face, ignore it because that is just silly. Either come happily or not at all.

I think this is a tough one. To some extent, I agree with the PP that at an almost 50:50 split, you should go with what you want. BUT where one of the choices results in a ‘barrier of conscience’ that would prevent a good proportion of guests from being able to choose to attend, I don’t think it’s that simple.

How much of an issue would absence of alcohol be for the other guests? Are they big drinkers / can’t conceive of a social event without alcohol, or would they find it unusual but go with the flow? Do you think any would decline to attend if they knew the wedding was dry?

Also, have you set a time for your wedding yet? If your reception was a brunch or an afternoon tea (with herbal offerings for those who avoid caffeine) for exampl, it would be less remarkable for it to be dry, compared to an evening event.

I would personally say that it's your wedding and you should do what you want. If someone doesn't want to partake, or can't due to religious reasons, they don't have to. Religion is not a reason to judge others for their choices, especially if the others do not share the same religion. For example, I'm a Christian and it would be wrong of me (on so many levels) to judge a Buddhist for not praying to God or a Wiccan for not going to church on Sunday. (To be fair, it's also not right of me to judge other Christians for that, so...) What I'm getting at is that I certainly hope those people can suck it up for a day and celebrate with you in the way that YOU would like to. If they can't, that says so much more about them than it does about you.

If you decide to have alcohol, there are still some things you can do to help those people feel less uncomfortable. I would recommend letting them know that alcohol will be present so they can make an informed choice of whether or not to attend. (Also, if they choose to attend, they straight up have no excuse to be visibly upset since they knew ahead of time and still made the distinct choice to attend.) You could also have the bar set up in a fairly inconspicuous location, such as around a corner or in an adjoining room. Seat those who will be drinking alcohol at different tables than those who won't be. My personal experience with Mormons at events that served alcohol is that they were not offended, didn't judge, and simply chose not to partake in alcohol themselves.

If you want to serve alcohol you should. If they’re adults living in the modern world, I’m sure they come across places in which alcohol is being served. I was in a somewhat similar situation and I’m happy we chose to serve wine and beer. In my case, those who wouldn’t be having their glass of wine cared more than those who don’t drink. We definitely over-paid as we had to pay a flat fee for the amount of total guests, but I would have been bummed to not enjoy a couple glasses of champagne on our special day.

I would do whatever you and your FH want. Don't make your decisions based of something possibly being uncomfortable. It is your day and you deserve to do whatever you want. Plus, just because you serve alcohol does not mean they have to drink it. Offer non-alcoholic beverages and they should be fine.

I think what it comes down to is do you and your FH drink? If you do, then you should have alcohol there. This is not a day about you supporting them and their decisions. This is a day about them supporting you and your decisions!!!! If they secretly don’t support you because you enjoy indulging in alcohol, and if they can’t respect the choices of your other guests then who needs them there?! It would just seem very fake to me to forego alcohol simply for their acceptance of you.

This is a decision for you and FH to make based on what you want for your wedding. If you and FH are drinkers and you wish to have alcohol at your wedding then do that. If you are not drinkers and don’t really care about having a lockbox at your wedding then don’t have it. Having a dry wedding is 100% just as acceptable as having alcohol available. It is a personal choice for you and FH and should not be based on any other people’s opinions. If they don’t come because you might serve alcohol that is on them.
Do not mention it on your website. There is no reason whatsoever to inform anyone of the availability of alcohol or lack thereof for your wedding. They will discover this when they arrive at the reception.

I agree with others that it should come down to if you and your FH drink. I especially recommend that, if she is able to, your mother clearly communicate with her Mormon relatives that alcohol will be present so they are not blindsided and can make an informed decision. The idea of only seating non-drinkers with other non-drinkers (regardless of religion) might also go a long way in making them more comfortable. And yes, 1000% agree that you cannot make everyone happy.

View Quoted Comment Agree 100%! They’re adults who can choose not to drink with non-religious guests around. Just be sure to have options for non-alcoholic drinks available too. Another way to look at it, should you only serve vegan food if that portion of guests was vegan? Vegans are around meat eaters all the time. The best solution is have a meat entree and a vegan entree.

If the 60% of guests that do not drink for religious reasons cannot accept the fact that not everyone else observes the same practices as them, they are living in a false reality. It is totally fine not to drink for whatever reason but you can’t hold everyone else to the same expectation and in turn expect that the wedding will be dry, nor is that fair on those who drink. Why punish others simply because one demographic of the guest list live in this fantasy world where no one else drinks?

Its your wedding at the end of the day. It all depends on if you and your fiancé want to alcohol there or not. Don't worry about anyone else on your special day. People can choose to drink or not. Having a bar present shouldn't sway them either way.

This sounds like a very tough spot to be in. I would just go with what YOU and FH want to do, would you like to have drinks or not?

The reality is that alcohol exists in life. Unfortunately, life is not wrapped up in a pretty little bow to accommodate everyone’s wants/preferences. So it’s up to the individual to make the decision to drink or not (or attend or not). So I would most definitely have alcohol at your wedding because basically you’d be catering to your Mormon guests while ignoring those who do drink. If certain guests leave, then they leave 🤷🏽‍♀️. I think that’s mighty selfish and entitled for guests to be upset and more concerned about alcohol being in the building versus focusing on celebrating the couple who’s getting married. Also, if they will be “visibly upset”, then leaving (or not attending) is probably the best plan instead of you and your FH having to look at them scowling.

I think you can be a good host to everyone without going to extremes. Any guests that will leave an event due to other’s drinking alcohol are making a statement. But you are not a hostage to their statements.
If this was a Mormon wedding you wouldn’t serve it of course, but it’s not - some of the guests will be Mormon, so they will have non alcoholic drinks to enjoy, that’s being a good host.
There is going to be a mix of people at my wedding and I want everyone to be at ease. So, to be considerate to the conservative Christian family and friends who believe dancing and secular music and dancing is the devil’s work, I’ve asked the dj to play only radio edits of songs and nothing overtly sexual. But we are still having music and dancing! We are having a bar and no one is going to force the non-drinkers to drink, but they can be adults and not have a hissy of someone is drinking.