Dry wedding? (Alcohol free)

To address the question about where it would be the norm to not have alcohol, my guess would be in any religious circles that don't permit it, i.e. Mormon weddings, some Baptists, fundamentalist Christian communities. Catholics and a lot of mainline Protestant denominations permit drinking alcohol in moderation so it doesn't make sense to generalize your experience with your faith group to all faith groups.

I can't even imagine having a dry wedding or considering a venue that didn't permit alcohol at all. Personally I plan on drinking at my wedding and would probably leave after the meal if I was a guest a dry wedding.

We're actually having a dry wedding because we're recovering alcoholics and have been sober 5 years I appreciate the kind responses and ideas! For the not so kind responses on how we should change our venue, and stop trying to "teach people to have a good time without alcohol", I pray you or someone you love never struggles with addiction.

And yes, we live in Mesa which is predominantly Mormon so a lot of venues don't serve alcohol. We are not Mormon, and neither is our venue. It is in a residential, predominantly Mormon neighborhood, and they couldn't obtain their liquor license after trying in court several times.

Congrats on being sober for 5 years!!! But that's not the initial presentation on why you chose not to have alcohol (according to your post) which could easily explain why you received a few of the responses. And I know recovering alcoholics who can still be around alcohol. It boils down to choice. Nonetheless, I think the point is prepare for a potentially different vibe due to the lack of alcohol.

The answer where dry weddings are the norm is Utah. It's the most conservative state in the country and the majority of the population doesn't drink. And even if you do drink you have to jump through hoops just to find a place that will serve you. My FH and I both drink but it's not even worth it to have alcohol at our wedding because a) our venue doesn't allow it, b) a total of 5 people coming to the wedding also drink and finally c) all liquor must be purchased through the state and you also have to have a special license to serve at a wedding, not to mention open bars are illegal here unless everyone we invite to the wedding is over 21.

ETA: Utah is weird with lots of things regarding weddings though, and having a dry wedding is probably the least weird thing lol

I understand why alcohol is wanted at weddings. Honestly I've never been to an open bar wedding or event. And neither have my family and most of FW family. I personally think it's rude to say "I'd leave early if it were a dry wedding or cash bar."

Just jumping in to say congrats on your sobriety!

Kacie,

Sorry if you feel it is rude but that is just my personal opinion on the matter. FH and I are both military and our families drink as well so for us a dry wedding would never be an option. And more often than not a dry wedding will not last as long. While people don't need to have alcohol to have a good time it definitely helps and will help the party last longer.

ECarter- Congratulations to you and FH on 5 years sober. That is quite an accomplishment and I wish you both the best!

Thank you all of you!! I did post that we don't drink, but didn't feel it necessary to say I was in AA. If you didn't know, one of the A's stands for anonymous

Most everyone in attendance knows we're sober, so they probably aren't expecting alcohol at our wedding and we will also communicate that via word of mouth.

I asked for tips on how we can make it fun, not whether or not y'all would come. I guess it's a good thing those of you who said you would absolutely not come, aren't invited

ECarter...I said that a wedding isn't the time to try and teach people that they should be able to have a good time without alcohol. Saying that does not mean, in any way, shape, or form, that I need your prayers to insure that my loved ones don't struggle with addiction (the point being, I assume, that I'd learn my lesson and tamp down my judgmental nature if I did love an alcoholic or an addict). My family includes more than a few of the afflicted -- from those in their 20's to those in their 80's.

In our family, the recovering alcoholic drinks club soda or cola at a wedding. They are low key, don't stare at others' drinks and say, "I wish I could have one of those." We've even had a FOB (who, in our family, typically covers the bulk of his daughter's wedding expenses) pay for the open bar, despite the fact that he will never use it. However, he knows his guests will, and he wants the guests to have a great time, realizing, through treatment, that HE has the disease. For alcoholic guests (and yes, there are, as I said, alcoholics in my family who are either in active recovery, or who are actively engaged in drinking), the choice is up to them. Active recovery means they aren't drinking alcohol. Still struggling or actively engaged means we rely on the bartender to cut that individual off if he/she over-indulges (without apology). If he's actively engaged, a dry wedding will not stop him/her from indulging (and we all know that the alcoholic is going to have his/her alcohol whenever or wherever he wants it). The flask -- or more accurately, the bottle -- is either in his/her car or in his breast pocket or her purse. That begs the question -- why should 100 or 300 people be asked to attend a large party that typically featured cocktails and then be deprived of them because one or two (or even 10%) of the guests is/are afflicted with a disease for which they refuse to accept treatment (Yes, I know about hitting rock bottom)? This is akin to banning the presentation of a wedding cake, all sweet desserts, and a candy bar because our beloved, 400 pound aunt, the Type II Diabetic (who has already had one foot amputated because of her disease) will eat enough free sugar to raise her blood glucose level to a dangerous 600 plus.

Having said that, if the bride and groom are both in recovery, I would never expect them to serve alcohol. There may be some couples who would, but I'm assuming they are in the slim minority. I would imagine that for them, alcohol is a poison. Their memories -- the ones that involve alcohol -- are probably horrible. I should have included those couples with the devout couples. However, the facts are still the facts; photobooths do not replace cocktails, so if you're not going to be offended when guests leave a little early because coffee and soda are, after all, just coffee and soda, call it even if your guests understand that your personal situation precluded alcohol service.

ETA: Yes, congrats on your recovery. No doubt, it's a tough road, but you never disclosed that in your OP. In fact, you were concerned about how to "explain" to your guests that your wedding was dry. All comments proceeded from "we don't drink, and that's fine for us". Full disclosure would have changed the trajectory of this post.

ECarter, congrats on your sobriety! But, I have to jump the PPs' defense. Nowhere in your OP did you mention that you actually wanted a dry wedding. You implied that the only reason the wedding was dry was because of the venue. It's not fair to jump on those who suggested changing venue.

Anyways, your guests presumably know you're sober so I'm sure they will be understanding.

My friend is because of her parents. Im sneaking my own in.im not even a big drinker but it will probably be boring without it.

Congrats on your sobriety. You asked for advice, with not giving us all the information and now that we have, you are being rude because you don't like the answers. People are being honest about their reaction to a dry wedding, take it or leave it, but don't call us the rude ones.

To be fair she asked what other fun things to do instead of having alcohol. And how to let everyone know about it.

Congratulations on your sobriety; it's a wonderful and ever challenging achievement for you both.

But to be fair, you did ask for advice, you did not mention why you wanted a dry wedding. You asked how to make it fun, and we basically told you what we thought; that it will be short, sweet and a different vibe than a wedding at night with an open bar.

Part of recovery, as you know, is navigating situations where this is alcohol; I've done many weddings with one or both partners who are sober, and they have all had alcohol. Not vodka flumes, but wine, beer, tastefully done.

You'll do what you're going to do, but corn hole will never replace a drink for most people.

I'm with Celia. More over, what kind of wedding venue doesn't have a liquor license? If you haven't put deposits down, I would search for another venue. If you ultimately decide to stick with your current venue, be sure to let your guests know there is no alcohol allowed on the property so if people bring flasks you don't get in trouble with the venue.

All, didn't mean to come off rude. This is my first post and I didn't know I was going to be judged for having a dry wedding-no matter the reasoning. I did not ask your opinion on whether or not I should consider serving alcohol, which seems to be the question you are answering. I just came here because I thought it would a be a supportive place to ask opinions on how to let guests know, and what other fun activities we can have. While I respect your decisions to have alcohol at your wedding, most of you remained critical of my decision not to.

I've been to many weddings, some were dry, some had alcohol. I don't think you have to have it or that you need to apologize to any one for it.

You can go either way. You know what your guests are going to expect and not expect. If alcohol is that important to them at their gatherings then maybe you should find another venue.

I personally am not against drinking at all but do prefer the weddings without it. I've left more wedding early that had alcohol vs the ones that didn't. Everyone is different.

Also, here is the link to our alcohol-free venue in case you want to check it out!

https://m.weddingwire.com/reviews/the-elegant-barn-gilbert/4d7cb66bb6e43133