Dress Code

First things first. you need to make this clear to guests way before the wedding date. I would suggest including an information card along with your invitation that states the dress code. Just stating that it's a formal reception might not be enough - you may want to include details such as "formal reception - no jeans, t shirts, tennis shoes, etc will be allowed per venue requirements". I honestly don't know how I would approach this if someone showed up under dressed - personally I wouldn't do anything but since your venue requires it, they should be the ones to handle it. Since it's their standard I'm sure they have a way of turning people away nicely.

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Great advice! Thanks, Hannah!

Definitely include very detailed expectations on your invites-I’d give examples of appropriate dress so they’re less likely to second guess. I also agree with making a list of not allowed clothing as the PP suggested. If you know what the “problem” people tend to wear, mention those things-but don’t be too specific (like what’s on the t-shirt 😉).

What is the dress code for the venue? If jackets are required it’s fine to put that on your details card. I know certain country clubs have extra jackets someone can borrow if they aren’t wearing one so that’s an idea.

You are within rights as a gracious host to clearly convey your venue's dress code. But I think you are only signing yourself up for needless stress and headaches by trying to police your guests' "style" over and above what the venue requires.

Try to remember that you will be so busy in the moment during your reception that it truly won't matter if Uncle Hank doesn't wear "very classy" clothing.

I agree with PP please give them notice. Make sure it’s on the invite if it’s a black or white tie event.

Put it on the FAQ section and venue section of the wedding website.

Also it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to get the word out by word of mouth amongst your FH’s family. Make sure they understand what the dress code entails.

If they show up in jeans or khakis you can either choose to let it slide or give your DOC the go-ahead to ask them to leave. If you ask them to leave be prepared for push-back

I would put the burden on your venue. "Our venue requires that guests wear..." whatever it is. Trying to get guests to comply with your own standards is likely a losing proposition. Some will be offended you would even think they would show up in jeans. (Never mind that some of your guests would.) Plus, the impression you want to give is that the people you invite are people you want to have there, even if they can't afford fancy clothes. Saying what your venue requires makes it clear that it's not personal.

I would give them notice of the venues dress code. So the venue requires you to dress like this. I would not hold them to some higher standard you have. That will cause family drama. (Unless it is black tie (valet parking, three corse plated meal, band not DJ) things like that.

I didn't require one but I did say dressy or semi formal would be nice/preferred. And most everyone did it except three people and let me tell ya - I can't remember what everyone else wore except those three people ahah. They stuck out like a sore thumb in their jeans and t-shirts. So I feel ya on wanting them to look nice. I agree with PP - make it known on the invites and word of mouth

If your venue requires it have your fiance tell his family what it is. You should have put formal reception to follow on your invitations and if you have a website dedicate a section detailing the venues requirements.
I'm not sure there's anything you can do if someone shows up under dressed unless the venue has security that handles such things.

One thing you can do is put your wedding website on your save the dates and invites, and then on the website post pictures and examples of acceptable attire that way people have a visual. Believe me I am in the SAME boat.

You put it on your wedding website, if you have one. If someone shows up in jeans and Dale Earnhardt shirt, you hug them and thank them for coming.

As a two time bride, trust me, that night you will not notice if people show up in a rain barrel.

You can put out the word. And it probably would be best if your FI called his uncle and a few others beforehand. Tell them the venue is a dressy jackets required or you cannot get in ( forget ties, jacket a minimum.)Tell him, No nice clothes. No dinner .No drinks. . . . But when the day comes, let the venue do what they do. But anyone who gets through the venue people is welcomed by you. Like they are dressed beautifully, regardless of what they are wearing. You want to have a classy, formal wedding. But that is not just a matter of being nicely or even expensively dressed. A classy wedding starts with a host or hostess always behaving in a gracious and welcoming manner, to all of the guests. Regardless of how they are dressed, they arrived to see you marry, and to celebrate with you. And all of his family and all other guests are welcome. You are a hostess, not the fashion police. Polite and gracious to all. If other guests see you behave in a classy manner, then they might briefly laugh at uncle whoever's attire. But if you are not perfectly polite and welcoming, people will talk about your total lack of class for years. So remember, however others dress, you behave like the world's best and most accepting hostess, you make it a classy party. Don't get yourself upset about things you cannot change or control. This may be your family for the next fifty years. You are right to think of that. I hope things go well for you. And you don't spend 2 minutes being annoyed on your wedding day. Let it go. You enjoy the good things, what is important.

I agree that there is a difference between what a venue actually requires and what you want to fulfill your "classy" vision for your wedding. (Unless it is truly Black Tie, with all that requires in terms of level of service/hosting.) Especially if his family is naturally more casual in their appearance, I think there is a big risk that you may be perceived as shallow or kind of a snob (like, "oh, we're not good enough for her") if you insist they dress according to your "higher standards." This is your new extended family; is that how you want them to see you? Daughter's was a country-club type venue with a dress code. She communicated the specifics of the dress code on the wedding website, and otherwise described the event as "semi-formal." You should explain the venue's rules, and can suggest "formal attire," but I don't think telling people exactly what they have to wear to meet your standard or threatening to kick people out (even as a joke) is a good idea. As others have mentioned, the day of you're going to be busy enough that you're not really going to notice/care what others are wearing. If someone shows up seriously under dressed, that reflects on them, not you. But, if you make a big issue out of this you could create a negative impression with FH's family that lasts a long time. As in all things, there is value in knowing when to pick your battles. Good luck!

If it’s black tie then put that on the invitation otherwise you can’t tell someone what to wear.

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I really needed to hear that!! Thank you for your advice, very wise words!

Thank you all for all of the advice!! Your thoughts are so appreciated!