Dreading Being Center of Attention

I am sorry you feel anxious and are not excited for your wedding. Would it help if you and your fiance read your vows to each other privately before the ceremony that way you have some time together to gather any nerves?

You 100% do not have to answer this question. Why didn't you just decline the offer for a big wedding and have a smaller one to compromise with your fiancé? Force is a very strong word when you have the ability to say no. The only vote should have been between you and your fiance. The tie breaker is you two coming together to compromise

View Quoted Comment Very much agree to all of this

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Luckily we're having a church wedding, so we don't have to write our vows.

He's the oldest and first kid to get married in his generation, and he really wants his family there, and they've been talking it up since before we even got engaged. I'm one of the youngest on my side, and everyone else has done large weddings so my parents wanted the same. Just our families alone is about 100 people, and then we wanted to invite our friends

View Quoted Comment I respectfully disagree. It sounds like OP agreeing to the traditional wedding at all is already a compromise seeing as her fiance wanted the traditional wedding. After that, since their parents are paying, it isn't really up to them where to cut off the guest list. If they were paying that would be one thing but you can't let someone else pay for a whole wedding yet get no say in the guest list.


My SO is kind of in your shoes. He went back and forth on wanting a big wedding and ultimately says he wants it to be everything I want. However, I let him know I'm not going to expect a TON out of him the day of. We are not doing a receiving line because he'll hate it. Instead we'll do table visits where I do most of the talking. I'll also be the one to say the thank you speech. I have promised to never go track him down if someone (aside from the photographer) insists on getting a photo with both of us. You can discuss little adjustments like those to let your fiance know that you compromised by agreeing to the wedding, now he needs to compromise to take some pressure off you.

Oh my!! I am dealing with the same thing! I didn’t want a wedding at first. I wanted to go to the courthouse, but my fiancé’ told me I deserve a wedding. I am excited about the wedding and to be married, but I hate being the center of attention. I want to enjoy every moment but how with all eyes on me?!! I totally understand. I have decided to try to forget about all the people being there and just enjoy every moment with my fiancé. You only do it once! Good luck!

My fiancé is like this. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's "dreading" it, but he's really nervous and feels pressure to make everything perfect. Our solution is to not have a first dance or parent dances. We are also not giving a speech and letting our parents/good friends handle that. That way, the 25-minute ceremony is the only time people have to be looking at him.

Well my rationale for this is that there’s three times in our lives where we are virtually the center of attention, that is our birth, our wedding, and death. So I am going to go ahead and embrace being the center of attention at my wedding while I’m still alive. I’m planning to embrace it because I feel like it’s well deserved.

I don’t usually see myself as an introvert, but I’m also getting anxious about being the center of attention at the wedding. One thing people suggest is to have a first look with your fiancé to get those initial nerves out of the way. I’ve just struggled with this because I still think I want him to see me first walking down the isle. But that is something to consider. I think I’m just going to have to roll with the nerves.

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Glad to know that I'm not the only one!

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That's a good idea!

View Quoted Comment True!! 🙌🙌

We're not going to do parent dances, receiving line, tosses of any kind, special photography exit... we're also having a small guest list, but I realize that's not up to you. Mostly I'm focusing on the people that matter, which is my FH and I, and my close family and friends. I suggest you do the same, and don't worry about the rest. ❤️

Hi Emily! If it helps, I too was very nervous about that when I got married. The good news - all you have to do is smile, and say “thank you for coming”. You’ll be amazed that guests will be preoccupied with talking to each other, grab drinks at the bar, etc. Mid-way through our reception, it dawned on me I wasn’t nervous at all! I was surprised at how much easier it actually was! Hope this helps ❤️

We separated the ceremony from the reception, so only 20 people had to watch us exchange vows (the part I was particularly dreading) but a much larger group is attending the reception. We're also skipping some of the wedding events - no dances with parents, no bouquet toss, won't announce cake cutting etc